While the captain shouted orders to unroll hoses from the fire truck, Candide ignored these instructions. Axe in hand, he charged towards the barn doors. He found the doors locked. His axe blade cut through the wooden obstacle like a hot chainsaw through butter. Smoke as thick as the ocean surf poured over him, but inward he marched. A nervous crowd formed around the barn as firefighters poured their liquid determination into the building. A line of animals stampeded forth from of the portal which Candide had opened.
Through the smoke, none noticed the flying saucer which drew closer in the sky over them.
Minutes passed. Then Candide emerged, carrying a newborn calf in his arms. Had the calf been forged of gold, it could not have caused a more worshipful rejoicing from the crowd. Women swooned as in the stories of older times. Old men waved their canes in the air so enthusiastically that some lost their balance and were claimed by gravity. The stormy sky itself cracked a thunderous applause of appreciation. The crowd shouted cheers but could only find one word worthy of their emotion, so they shouted that word over and over: “Candide! Candide! Candide!” Never, never had any seen a man so deserving of this praise. They knew it was glorious simply to be alive at the same time as Candide and breath the same molecules of air that he might have breathed just minutes before.
Candide passed the calf to a weeping farmer like a four-legged blessing given to a leper. Candide knew then that he was the manifest destiny of the plans that God alpha-tested with Adam. All was right in the universe, and Candide was the center of that universe.
Then it all went to crap.
Synopsis: Alien Fiction is the story of small, cute, and feisty monsters with a hobby. They hunt, collect, breed, and trade humans. Then they force their humans to fight each other. This story parodies the monster-collecting games and cartoon series which have dominated children's culture for several years. I sort of wonder why no one else has already made this obvious lampoon. Alien Fiction can also be thought of as a multi-medium setting project. A novel, a side story in a novella, and a roleplaying game compose the starting core of the project with loose plans for a card game and webcomic series.
Biography: Scott Zaboem is an editor and security guard who dabbles in writing and game design. He is Florida Man. He has a wife and no children -- unless you know something he doesn't know.
Comments (1)
See all