In only a few months, everyone around Hell was talking about me. It was a weird structure they had down here. Every time a well known sinner got sent down, they got admired until the next big player died. I was the first female in a while, and definitely the best looking one in Hell. I was extremely popular, especially among the men. Yeah, when they cat called me I flirted with them and egged them on a bit. Made them think I’d give them a bit of fun later to see them crushed when I laughed and insulted every bit of their masculinity. They weren’t quite to my taste, nor was I about to take on some jackass who just wanted me for sex. I wanted something serious. After getting hurt like I did in the past, relationships weren’t something I was going to throw myself into. Though I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a bigger fish in the lava lake I had my eye on. A very overweight fish.
After a few months, Lisha and I only got closer and closer. She was as catty as I was, and could back up her words with power too. Our constant insult matches had about a 50/50 record between us as for who usually won. It was funny to see the guys try and get our attention when we walked down the streets. A lot of them fawned over Lisha, but she was very openly gay. That just made a lot of women try to get with her, and they got about as far as the men did with me. Lisha wanted a woman who she could have a fun night with and a serious relationship apparently.
We did other things than argue though. It’s not like I had any friends down there, so I spent a lot of time with Lisha, and she didn’t seem to mind that. She seemed to enjoy my company, and I liked hers a lot too. She also liked overfeeding Fluffy too, which annoyed me to no end. She just adored Fluffy and was curious as to how the first snake in Hell got there.
We spent a lot of time getting to know each other. It was a weird first actually. I had never connected with someone like this. It was nice making a friend. One that I didn’t have any previous biases about and one who stuck around. It only took dying to do it.
* * * * *
“Stop feeding him so much!” I fussed. “One more cheese wedge and he’ll be XXL sized!”
We were at Lisha’s slightly broken down, but still well kept, castle. I had left for only a second, and came back to her sneaking Fluffy more food. He had become a bit of a pig, and ate any and every piece of food he could swallow whole, which was most things. And a lot of those things, normal snakes really shouldn’t be allowed to eat.
“And what if I still feed him more?” asked Lisha curiously.
“Then he’ll be you-sized,” I spat. “I don’t want him eating himself into a coma. C’mere Fluffy, come to mama.”
I saw Fluffy start to sweat and stared at me fearfully.
“C’mmmon,” I said, this time slower and narrowing my eyes. “Come. To. Mama.”
Fluffy put his head down and sluggishly slithered over to me. He was slowed from being full and eating a lot. It was painfully obvious. He always struggled across the ground when he got gorged on food. I was just completely surprised by how much it affected him this time though.
“How much did you feed him?!”
“Just some leftovers,” shrugged Lisha.
Fluffy wrapped himself around my leg and cuddled up. By the time I made it to my seat, he had already fallen asleep. I unwrapped Fluffy from my leg and cuddled him to my chest.
“He does look awfully happy,” Lisha said with a grin. “Still think me feeding him is abuse?”
“Yes,” I said with an eye roll. “And if you keep feeding him like this, I’ll have to put him on a diet.”
“Just let the snake enjoy himself! He’s old and needs to be pampered!”
“Exactly, he’s old. How’s he going to get around if he’s old and tired? I can’t carry him around if he’s as thick as your thighs. It gets hard to carry him now on a normal day.”
“Looks like someone needs to work out,” smirked Lisha.
“I’m not the one who needs exercise,” I spat. “And ladies don’t need muscle. That’s what a proper man is for.”
“Then you desperately need to get one soon,” she snorted. “Once I make Fluffy my chonky prince and steal him away, you’re going to need someone else.”
“Nobody catches my eyes,” I scoffed. “Too many basic bitches down here.”
“Well, find someone soon. I promised Fluffy one of Hell’s banquets next week.”
“Lisha!” I snapped, appalled. “You can’t feed my snake so much! It’s not healthy! So no such thing will be happening!”
“It’ll be fun!” Lisha insisted with a broad smile. “Besides, you’re also invited! You could use some chonk and your thonk. Isn’t that what humans find attractive nowadays anyway? Or do they think skinny is pretty again? I can’t keep up anymore.”
“I don’t care what idiots think,” I scoffed. “I’m not ruining my figure for anyone.”
“Fine, but I’m enjoying myself. They made gluttony a sin after they saw me in action!”
“No kidding. Your muffin top is one cheese wedge away from being the entire bakery.”
“Please just consider,” Lisha asked with that devilishly sly smile I loved. “I would love to have you there. It would be so nice to have a friend there. I don’t think I’ve ever clicked with someone like this before. Especially in this dump.”
I thought about it. I held the same feeling towards her really. I could never connect with regular people, but something was different about Lisha. Besides being The Devil of course. She had the red skin, wings, tail, and horns, but other than appearances she acted like a typical person. Most of the time I could hardly take her as The Devil.
“Fine… I’ll go.”
“Yay!” cheered Lisha, accidentally firing a small blast of magic from her horns. It’s something she did when she was happy; her horns turned black like cooled lava when sad.
“I’m only going to make sure Fluffy doesn’t become obese in one night.” I snapped.
“I’ll have to get ready!”
Lisha scrambled out of her lazy position in her chair and started bounding across the room. Before she left, she peeked back in.
“See you tonight!”
When she left, my snarl melted into a warm smile. Seeing Lisha happy made me happy, which was a weird feeling. I had never been that way towards someone… except maybe Elizabeth. But this was different from family. Lisha didn’t scorn me for my attitude, but played with it. It was… a refreshing change of pace. I just hope too much of my attitude didn’t push another person away… I wanted to make this one last. I had never felt this way towards someone before, and I couldn’t lose that if I could help it. I just hoped she wouldn't get bored of me.
* * * * *
“Want some?” Lisha asked, holding up an entire chicken drumstick with her bare hands.
“Ugh,” I said in disgust. “Use some manners.”
I came to the feast like I said I would. I was going to make sure Fluffy didn’t get any fatter, which I made very clear to Lisha. Surprisingly, she agreed, but I figured she was going to sneak him food anyway. Surprisingly though, she didn’t, and Fluffy was curled around my leg, disappointed. He’ll thank me later.
For the first time in so long, I enjoyed a meal with someone. Even if our manners were polar opposites, we got along well. I was going to have to fast for the next few days to not feel guilty about it, but it felt worth it. Lisha gorged herself on absolutely everything in reach, and I ate a refined and modest meal. Like a lady should. But I never felt this close with anyone while eating. I had mostly eaten out with friends of my parents or siblings, and always felt like an outsider. But here, I felt like I’d remember this meal for the rest of my life.
“Where I come from, we don’t eat with utensils. Culture difference.” Lisha said with her nose in the air.
“There’s more of you out there?”
“If you’re referring to my size, no. If you’re referring to other people, then yes.”
I paused. It never even occurred to me that there was a whole species of Lisha’s out there. “So… What even are you?”
“Technically, I’m not The Devil.” She said with a hushed tone like it was some secret. “I’m a Carvation. I just happen to be a devil variant. My sister is an angel variant.”
“Wait, wait, wait. You have a sister?!”
“Mhm! Twin sister, actually. She runs Heaven. Complete opposite of me, let me tell you!”
“Huh. You never said anything about her.”
“Oh, sorry.” She shrugged. “I haven’t been to visit her since you arrived, so that’s probably why. Next time I go visit, you can come and meet her if you want.”
“Perhaps.” I said. “So, tell me about where you came from. I’m curious.”
“Eat up first.” Lisha pointed at my plate with a cheese stick. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you talking to distract from you not eating. You can do your little starvation thing outside of the castle, but I won’t allow it at my table.”
“Get some manners first, and then we’ll talk.” I grumbled.
“Oh, I’m sorry, my lady,” Lisha said, bits of food flying out of her stuffed mouth. She took a napkin and patted her lips and took a small bow, gesturing the drumstick to me in a sarcastic manner. “Doth my lady of the hour haveth the pleasure to indulge in such delicacy?”
“I’m fine,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Come on, try some of the good food for once!”
She plopped the giant piece of meat onto my place, and I jolted back. I had my assortment of appropriate, allotted, and healthy food on my plate, which Lisha just had to completely ruin by throwing that chunk of calories in front of me. I could feel my eye twitching as I gave her a death stare.
“Loosen up!” Lisha insisted. “Enjoy yourself and indulge for once!”
“How about you learn some manners first,” I said, raising an eyebrow in disgust. “Then maybe I can learn how to, ahem, ‘loosen up’ a bit.”
“Sounds like a deal!”
Lisha snapped her fingers and the table magically cleaned itself. Globs and chunks of food just disappeared, and everything ordered itself neatly. Even my plate had been neatly cleaned up and sorted, albeit with more food than I had before. Lisha stood up straight, gave me a smug look, and took a small bite out of her meat.
“Oh this roast beef is absolutely divine,” she said, clearly mocking me. “Don’t you just think so, hun?”
“I don’t talk like that,” I growled.
“Yeah, you do,” she said, changing her voice to sound exactly like me. I hated her magic so much sometimes. “Look at me, I’m prissy princess Beatrice. Such a refined lady, I could ever eat anything bigger than my pride.”
“That’s not me!” I screeched, turning red.
“Oh I would never act out,” she continued. “And I’m the most proper of ladies. I must be! Mommy and Daddy expect it of the Hawthorne name-”
“Look at me, Lisha, queen of Hell,” I mocked, changing my voice as best as I could to sound like her. “I spend my eternity getting fat every day and eat as much as I can!”
For emphasis, I took a giant mouthful of the meat she put on my plate and swallowed. Lisha looked at me, shocked, and even Fluffy stopped in the middle of trying to sneak food into his mouth. I immediately felt a bit sick, but Lisha just looked proud.
“There we go! Now we’re letting loose in Hell!”
“Oh, that was awful-”
“Here, wash it down with some wine,” she said, taking a bottle from the middle of the table. “This one’s my favorite.”
Oh God, I was not about to be caught drinking that. I only drank in private at home. Doing it around people was absolutely out of the question. I was way too much of a lightweight, and I couldn’t risk looking like an absolute savage animal in front of Lisha.
“I bet you’re quite a lightweight,” Lisha said with a prying smile.
“Am not!” I countered.
“Prove it.”
“Fine.”
I poured a glass carefully and slowly sipped it. Lisha watched me very intently, as if waiting for me to break. Well guess what? I WASN’T! She wasn’t going to see me on the ground like a dog. I finished the class proudly.
“See?” I asked, setting the glass down smugly. “Not even tipsy.”
“Oh, then I insist you have another then,” she said deviously, pouring another glass and setting it in front of me. She put her head on her hands and I gave a nervous gulp. “Go on,” she beckoned.
“F-fine!”
I downed the next glass quickly, hoping I could just get it over with. I wasn’t going to let her think I couldn’t hold my alcohol! Even to prove my point, I recklessly grabbed the bottle and poured a third glass and started chugging that down. Then… something felt wrong. My stomach was starting to turn, and talking was starting to get harder.
The further the night went, the less I could function. I was stumbling and slurring my words, giving Lisha all my TMI facts, and I think she might’ve actually peed herself. I don’t know; I’m pretty sure she had to change her shirt twice and pants once, so maybe she was just a messy eater.
“Yeah, and mother told me to cover myself up and go back to bed!” I was saying. Well, at this point I was probably shouting to all of Hell. “I think that shit needs a doctor, right?”
“Beatrice, stop!” Lisha cackled, almost unable to breathe from laughing. “I’m gonna die from laughter!”
“Come and laugh at my birthmark to my face!” I slurred, red in the face.
As soon as I stood up and tried to march over to her though, the world started turning sideways. Wait no, that was me. I was turning sideways, and heading towards the ground. I could hear Lisha start laughing harder as my head hit the ground and I was out.
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