“Mar-Bar, can’t you stay another week?” Lucille begged.
“Mama, not unless you can make the university extend the break by another week,” her daughter laughed.
“What’s their number?” she asked, taking out her phone.
Maria had been away at college for an entire semester, which was longer than Lucille had ever been away from her. Even on grade school field trips, Lucille was always a chaperone when she could sign up. She didn’t like her daughter being out of her day-to-day life, so the couple weeks when Maria agreed to stay back at home had been her absolute joy.
“Mrs. Hawthorne, there’s no need to worry,” reassured Sophie, who was carrying Maria’s bags. “We’ll still visit at least once a weekend.”
Maria turned to Sophie and made a kissy face, which made the taller girl lean down and plant a small kiss. She kept it brief because she knew how comfortable Lucille was with seeing her daughter kissed in front of her. Also with them being gay.
Lucille still had a couple hang-ups on that, even if she kept them to herself because she didn’t want to see her daughter upset. She had all the rainbow flags and pins though, so she thought she had it nailed down. She even got her daughter a “World’s Cutest Lesbian” coffee cup. She felt proud of that birthday gift.
“Yeah Mama, we’ll visit every weekend,” laughed Maria, bringing her mom in for a hug.
“Promise?” Lucille asked.
“Promise.”
“I still want the university’s number though.”
“Mama!”
“I’m just joking, hun.” When Maria turned her back, Lucille whispered to Sophie. “Text me the number later.”
“She’ll be fine,” Sophie smirked. “I’ll make sure.”
“You better take care of her,” Lucille judged. It wasn’t as bad as when Sophie had to tell her that Maria and her would be roommates at the beginning of the year. Now that was a hard conversation to have. Almost as awkward as telling her they were gay together in the first place.
“Mama, are you threatening Phi-Phi again?” Maria huffed. “We talked about this!”
“She was just saying goodbye, Mar-Mar,” chuckled Sophie, putting her arm around Maria and smiling.
“We’ll see you next weekend, Mama,” Maria said, waving as she walked out the door with her girlfriend.
“Be safe, hun! And make sure to get plenty of sleep, and-”
The two girls closed the door and laughed as they walked down to the car. From the window, Lucille watched as Sophie threw Maria’s things in the trunk and climbed into the driver’s seat while Maria got into the passenger’s side. Then she stared at the car while they drove away, pop music spilling out of their open windows.
When they drove far enough away that they were completely out of view, Lucille sighed and laid down on the couch. Her husband was working, her daughter just drove off back to college, and her only two friends were having a day out together already.
She took out her phone and read through some message history from Maria, Diane, and her husband. When she couldn’t talk, she read what she’s already said. Though Robin’s texts were always one-sided. She was pretty sure Robin never replied no matter how many she sent. Even Lucille got the message at some point. She opened Maria’s texts.
“Mama misses you already baby girl!
I love you and hope school is amazing with your girlfriend.”
Lucille added a rainbow heart at the end just to reinforce the girlfriend part. She had to be a supportive mother if anything. Just then she also got a text from her husband, and she opened it.
“Might be home late, Lucie. Work is killing me today and we have a meeting to prepare for tomorrow.”
“Take your time honey. When you get home we can have a special dinner.”
“Thank you. Love you sweetie.”
“Love you, Scottie.”
After she sent it, she put her phone down on the coffee table and put her face into a pillow. Her husband, Scott, had a pretty demanding job in the office, and around this time every year had to work long hours into the night, sometimes not getting back until the early hours of the morning. He made a lot, enough for what their family of three was, but they worked the hell out of him, and sometimes Lucille felt she barely got to spend time with him where he wasn’t at least thinking about work.
She didn’t have anything else to do today though, and it was still four in the afternoon, so she went to sleep while she waited for someone, anyone, to give her some interaction. She knew she didn’t have any friends other than Diane and Robin. If they even considered her one of their actual friends. Especially after what she put Diane through when they were young… what she’s still going through today because of her.
Lucille groaned and pulled a blanket over her head too. Just a small midday nap to pass the time wouldn’t be bad, and maybe when she woke up she’d see if Diane and Robin were free or something. She just felt totally alone now. Maybe she deserved it.
* * * * *
When Lucille woke up, the first thing she noticed was that it was totally dark outside. She checked her phone to see it was half past nine.
“So much for the nap…” she mumbled.
It’s not like she had any plans she missed, so no damage was really done. She took a sip of water, yawned, then got up and stretched.
“Scott?” Lucille called out, walking around her empty house. “Mar-Bar, did you come back?” Her calls were answered by the silence. Her husband had to work late, like he had to do often lately. And she knew Maria had gone back to her college dorm hours ago, probably cuddling up with her girlfriend Sophie by now.
She sat on the couch and thought about how she was the only one left at home, and what she was supposed to do. Her phone sounded, and she excitedly fished it out of her pocket, hoping it was Maria or her husband or Diane or someone.
“Sorry Lucie, can’t make it for dinner. Have to work late at the office.”
“Come home soon hun <3” she texted back before sighing and closing her phone. She followed her growling stomach out to the kitchen to make her dinner for one. She wasn’t exactly in the cooking mood right now though.
Lucille moved to the pantry and opened it, looking at the assortment of pudding cups inside that she had gotten for Maria, but she never ate when she stayed over. They were her little girl’s favorite snack in middle and high school, but she left packs of it untouched now. She reached for a pudding cup and grabbed a spoon. If nobody else was going to eat it, she might as well take them for herself.
“Tonight’s an adult night,” she mumbled, taking an old bottle of unopened red wine from the pantry as well. She recalled that they bought it for cooking at some point, but never used it, and just forgot about it. Another forgotten thing she might as well take. Not like anyone was going to miss it.
She poured herself a glass and got another pudding cup. When she finished a glass, she poured another, and when she finished a pudding cup, she got another one of those. Eventually she just got entire packs of the stuff out and started eating cup after cup until she lost count. The numbers became irrelevant as she lost herself in the consumption. Whether it spiraled that way for minutes or hours, she couldn’t have said.
* * * * *
At some point Lucille had fallen asleep at the table. Her hair was thrown up and she had a dazed look on her face, but she was woken up at 2am by a ringtone. She took out her phone and saw it was from Maria for some reason.
“Sorry I missed ur text mama. I love you so much! ^~^
I miss you so much already! <3”
Lucille held her hand to her heart and felt something. It was sweet, and made her want to cry. Then she felt something that was literally sweet and made her want to cry coming up. She ran to the bathroom just in time to see her red wine and pudding cups all come back out into the toilet.
“Lucie, are you okay?!” her husband came in asking, having been woken up. She was surprised that she was loud enough for him to hear.
Lucille cried as she wiped her mouth with toilet paper right before she felt another wave of food and drink come up. She regretted eating all of it, but at the same time, taking it all in felt good. She didn’t know what she experienced, but it felt kind of relaxing in a way. She felt a bit more whole, and a little better about all the loneliness and emptiness inside.
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