An array of car horns woke him with a harsh jolt. Heart racing, he nearly fell out of the bed and into yet another pile of clothes on the floor he would “wash today, no worries”. Before fully aware of the time, date, and even where he was in this very moment, his stomach gurgled. ‘I shoulda stopped after the fifth steak smothered in fried onions...and those all-you-can eat sundaes.’
When he didn’t hear anyone complaining about his lack of air freshener use, he went into the living room, seeing he was alone in the small apartment. ‘Huh. Must’ve gone out today, I guess.’
After wasting almost three hours watching a marathon of competing chefs and serial killer strippers--inmates who had once moonlighted as exotic dancers--he stared at the closed, mint-colored laptop on the coffee table. He was always hesitant of new technology. He had just mastered recording shows to watch later on after they had already “disappeared from the tv world”, as he put it. Still, he was growing more and more curious of laptops, especially after catching glimpses of not-so-clothed individuals on its screen before it was slammed closed by his embarrassed roommate.
The sunlight peeking through the nearby window cast stretched shadows of the compact computer across the table. Its color made him crave the little snacks he had discovered just last month and has yet to get tired of eating, as he was currently hoarding three boxes of macarons in his underwear drawer. The laptop was inviting him to peek into its secret world it seemed. 'How hard can this be? All he does is open this lid, then push a button. Simple.’
After two hours, he turned on the laptop, managed to log in, and figured out how to open an internet browser. For the past few minutes, he stared at the search box.
“Naked body,” he called out at the screen. Nothing.
“Hm...Naked, male body. Now,” he warned. Surprisingly, nothing resulted in this more specific command.
“Okay,” his voice irritated now. Suddenly, a sound rang out from the laptop, the screen changing slightly and displaying what appeared to be a microphone image. “Listening” was brightly lit across the screen.
He was feeling confident now. ‘Yea, you better listen!!’
“Naked, male body!!”
A list of search results displayed before his eyes and he clicked a website link, showered with thousands of professional and amateur photographs of male forms. His eyes glowed a slight scarlet red as they reflected the screen.
“That’s more like it!” He clicked link after link, gazing at the diverse images of pecs, torsos, buttocks, and more. Much more. Once he was done exploring one website, he would retrace his steps and repeat the magic words, adding an additional requirement in each command. “Naked, male Minotaur body!” “Naked, Merman body!” “Naked, male Human body!” That last one was for kicks, but he soon found that there were humans of the male variety who could very well hold their own when compared to other male creatures.
However, it seems that staring at pictures of nude men loses its luster after the third hour or so. But what else is there to see on the internet? He returned to the original screen.
“Okay,” he spoke out. The familiar, loading icon returned as he leaned close to the laptop.
“How do you make macarons??”
Once he realized that it involved actual ingredient-measuring and baking time, he settled on going back to watching television. Now, the chefs were learning pole dancing and the inmates were learning the proper way to debone a fish.
An alert sound made him jump as it emitted from the computer. He glanced over, clicking a small box that enlarged to reveal a map with the apartment’s address marked and a pulsating, red dot coming toward it. “You’re next” the message read.
“The fuck I am!!” He slammed the laptop closed and slid to the front door, checking to make sure it was locked. Without hesitation, he ran into the kitchen and took out knives, butter knives included. Just as he was gathering spices from the cabinets and drawers to use as airborne defenses, the cellphone he still hadn’t fully learned how to use started ringing on the kitchen counter. An image of a snowflake and poop emoji flashed across the screen as he swiped it, slowly holding the device up to his ear.
“What?” His voice hissed in a hushed tone, fear all-too present within it.
“Hey, I have a package coming. Sign for me, please?”
“You...what?? Never mind that! There’s someone...some thing...after me! The laptop told me! Hurry and get back here!”
“Look, my date was a bust. I’ll be back soon, but the package will be there any minute now. Please, can you do this for me? It’s all I’m asking for...bye.”
Before he could object, the line went dead. ‘Shit, how bad was it? Something tells me he’s gonna be up all night complaining.’
“Stupid. I told him that site was a dumb place to look for “love” and whatever. Guess I’ll get his precious delivery when it gets here.”
As if on cue, there was a knock on the front door. He put all the knives away and walked to the doorway, getting more and more annoyed as the knocking increased. After another round knocks, a deep voice bellowed out. “Hello? I have a package here.”
“Yea, yea, hang on…”
He peeked through the peephole, trying to get a glance at--
‘Well hello there…’
He opened the door a sliver, glancing up to see a tall, delivery guy on the brink of collapse from exhaustion. His tan uniform hugged his round belly and his powder blue skin glistened from beads of sweat. He seemed to be an ice demon judging by the serpent-like, arrowhead tail that swayed subtly behind him and the subtle puffs of frost that were attempting to keep his internal temperature as low as possible; any longer and he would either pass out from a heat stroke or actually burst into flames.
“You look like shit. Get in here already, I’ll get you some water and take that parcel of yours. I mean your package. The. Package.”
He closed the door back to unlock the chain lock, then opened the door wider, leaning on the frame in a carefree manner. “Does too much heat get to you?”
His knowing tone and suggestive glances did nothing to alleviate the already-present heat the delivery guy felt. “Well for the most part, I can keep myself cool. Today has been a bit difficult, however. Water would definitely help me, if you don't mind.” He walked inside, wiping sweat as it poured down his black sideburns and chin stubble. He was taller and more stocky now that he was closer to his would-be host. His scent even smelled cool, like mint and ice cubes despite his perspiration.
“No problem, there’s bottled waters here.” He took the package from the parched worker and walked into the living room after closing the front door, sitting on the couch. "Make yourself at home..."
After a short while of re-hydration, washing the delivery guy’s sweaty clothes, then more "re-hydration", they both laid in bed, the air conditioning leaving the room forty degrees or less. While the worker slept peacefully, his host was freezing to death no matter how much he smothered himself with the blankets. ‘I got goosebumps all over from this guy. I should kick him out…’
The delivery guy moved closer to him until their bodies were pressed against one another, steam wafting up from their drastically different body temperatures. He held his heated host gently, exhaling subtle snowflakes yet sweating at the same time.
‘Why am I such a pushover for sweaty guys?’
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