Whether you're in school or not, you know the feeling of joy when a break starts. Doesn't matter if the break is five minutes, a weekend, or a three month summer break, it's a break from the stress of work or school. You feel as if all your worries float away for that small bit of time.
My problem with summer break, or any break longer than the standard two day weekend, is that I become filled with an emptiness. An entropy of loss and boredom. If there's one thing I hate more than tomatoes is the feeling of not knowing what will happen next. Sure, It's nice when you're playing a game or reading/watching something, but it's harrowing when that unpredictability consumes real life. Maybe others don't feel this way, but damn, let me tell you the feeling of the unknown is one of the worst feelings.
I'm certain that not everyone hates breaks a week or so in, sometimes long breaks are nice, well, when you have things to do. Maybe this is my own problem, but I don't have anything to do. I've seen my two friends once, my aunt came for two weeks, and I've swam for around two hours three days in a row. I can't drive on my own yet, so even if I had stuff to do, I probs wouldn't be able to do it.
Why has something that I have dreamed of for so long become such a shitty and empty hole of nothing but myself. I just don't get it, I'm not longing to go back to school, because that makes my mental state turn into a fuckfest, and not a good one either. I keep asking myself why has summer turned into something that I dislike? Why has the number of enjoyable things dissipated as I grow older? Why is it that the closer you are to freedom, the closer you are to unknowing what will come after that freedom is achieved?
I am truly at a loss.