I wondered where the bus was. Occasionally, the bus just didn't show and I had to wait for the next one. Curious. I decided to just walk.
I used it to take a man to a cabin in the marsh where I skinned him and dumped acid on his dying body
Oh god...I just kept walking. There was an abandoned warehouse coming up in a few blocks that I'd been frequenting since I became homeless. It was an old paper factory so there was plenty to burn to keep warm. I loved to read the papers as long as I can before my body's need for heat compels me to burn them. They remind me of my life...
What life you pathetic meat
...before him. In fact, I had it pretty good. I had a room, an ok job. I had my plants on my window sill; they gave me so much purpose, so much joy. When they began to die, the vine that grew around all of my walls, shrunk to the corner like when you kill a spider and it’s legs curl back into itself. It started after I began hearing him. I'm still in the process of understanding what's happening. Some of the volunteer shrinks I get to talk to tell me it’s all in my head. They're right, it's just a voice. Seems like everything has been withering in my life since then, though. I too, am curling back in on myself, if only for the warmth at night.
Had to walk a few extra blocks because of the bus disappearing again. No worries, I thought. Positivity is the cure they told me. It changes the paths in the brain or something. Just had to get to the warehouse and do my meditation.
Nothing will save you maggot
I had to believe that I was making progress. I finally reached the building, made my way to the third floor with the anticipation of warmth and serenity but I was forced to fight back tears when I looked into the room. The paper, the hundreds of stacks of life affirming heat, were gone. The barren expanse of cold grey concrete was crushing. I staggered, heartbroken, into the room and fell to my knees. Positivity...I forced the thought into my mind, giving up on stopping the tears. I don’t know how long I knelt there crying, but at some point, I stopped. That moment, as filled with despair as it was, was a turning point for me. I decided, right there, to give up the tears. I was going to focus on the joyous parts of life and push the others out of my mind. I got off my knees and folded my legs in a meditative stance. Only the good. Memories of my friends rushed in and tingled my body. Only the good. My mother and her gentle smile. That lady who volunteers at the shelter. When I had finally sat and thought about it, I had so much good in my life. I opened my eyes and stood up and
You think this is over?
and took a deep breath. “Alright man, You pull yourself think together this is and lets find OVER? a warm place for the night.” I said. From that moment on, it was all about positivity. The voice would fade in time and I’d be on my way to recovery. I felt good and took my first step toward the door, refreshed and with renewed appreciation for life. My mind fell contentedly silent. For the first time in many years, I was released, happy and brimming with life. Suddenly, a screeching metallic boom ripped through the warehouse and a blazing hot wind rushed past me, blowing out the windows and knocking me on my back. I held my head in confusion and felt blood oozing from my ruptured eardrums. The shock left a dull ringing in my head, my ears could no longer hear. As I got up on my elbows, there...THERE HE WAS! “YOU'RE REAL!” I screamed as loud as I could at the pitch black featureless figure standing over me, his flaming crimson wings and eyes paralyzing me with terror. My mind broke, I just kept screaming “YOU! YOU! YOU!” over and over. He bent down, his burning eyes boring into mine and, as my heart stopped, said…
Now its over
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