Castiel took a deep breath again and let the air out of his lungs slowly. His head was stuffy, and his eyes hurt.
“Yeah. I’m sorry about that. I don’t usually…cry.”
“You don’t need to apologize. Crying’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
Castiel remained silent. He just sighed and scratched Ares behind the ear. The dog had approached them again, curious to see what was wrong with his human.
“Well, you’ve heard the story. Do you think you’re still interested in a lame guy like me?” Castiel asked with a grin. Although the grin was half-hearted, an attempt to mask nervousness under a veil of humour.
“Of course. Why would I not be? There’s nothing lame about you based on what you told. You had a bad experience and it has taken some time for you to deal with it which is understandable. If that made me dislike you, I’d be disappointed in myself.”
“So…do you think you could consider going out with me?” he asked.
Sarah’s stomach pinched. The thought of going out with Castiel made her excited but also nervous. She lowered her eye on her hands. She had never dated anyone before. What if she didn’t know what to do?
Castiel looked Sarah, who twisted her hands, and it wringed Castiel’s stomach into knots. Fidgeting rarely promised anything good. Usually it meant that someone was trying to come up with the best excuse to refuse. Maybe he had suggested this too soon.
“You don’t have to answer yet if you don’t want to,” Castiel hurried to say. “I just wanted to let you know how I feel, and I’m happy I was able to do it, and that I know your feelings too. If you don’t feel comfortable with dating, we don’t have to.”
Sarah thought for a few seconds it might be her turn to cry. Castiel was so nice and understanding. She would’ve never thought he had a side like this based on what she saw about him at school; careless, defiant, quick to get to an argument.
“No, that’s not it. I…I’d love to…go out with you,” she said and the blush on her cheeks got a deeper shade. These were big words for her to say. “But I’d like to keep low profile about it. I don’t mean we should hide it, but I don’t want that everybody finds out right away. If that’s okay.”
Sarah’s mouth was dry. She wanted to be with Castiel but didn’t want to announce it to the world. She didn’t want everyone’s eyes on them right away. She wanted to get to know Castiel more in piece and at her own pace without people asking questions. Some people could even be upset about the reveal. Sarah could name at least one person right away.
Castiel smiled and took Sarah’s hand. Her eyes shot at him and inspected his face. Nothing outright revealed his feelings. He looked calm and neutral. His grey eyes had a soft look in them. He squeezed Sarah’s hands with his warm, strong and safe hands.
“If that’s what you want, I’m fine with it,” he said. “I don’t mind keeping this between us.”
“Thank you.” Sarah was able to breath more freely. “I appreciate it.”
“Would you be okay with me to telling Leon?” Castiel asked. “Amanda would probably find out too. But they know how to keep a secret”
“Of course. He’s your friend, of course you can tell. I don’t mind them hearing about it.”
Castiel planted a kiss on Sarah’s fingers and a group of butterflies fluttered in her stomach. She giggled, and Castiel kissed her fingers again. And again. And again.
“You’re being silly,” she laughed when Castiel landed a kiss on her cheek. She didn’t mind any of this. It made her light-headed and delighted. She quickly kissed Castiel on the chin and blushed again. She was a bit silly too.
After few more kisses and a deep breath, they calmed down to sit on the couch and enjoy each other’s presence. Sarah leaned against Castiel’s shoulder and scratched Ares’s head. He had spread himself to sleep on top of their legs, slowly making them go numb.
“I think I should go home soon,” Sarah said while drawing shapes in Ares’s sleek fur. “I’ve been here for a while and it’s getting late.”
She didn’t really want to leave but her mother would start worrying soon if she wasn’t already.
“I suppose you should. I don’t want your mum to angry at you.”
“Yeah,” Sarah sighed and straightened herself and moved her legs.
Ares raised his head confused about why his pillow was moving. Castiel pushed him so he’d move and lazily the dog slid down from the couch, freeing the teens and releasing a rush of pins and needles on their legs.
Sarah bit her teeth together when the stinging spread through her legs and multiplied every time, she put her foot down. Castiel seemed to struggle as well and stopped after a few steps to rub his legs.
“This is the worst feeling,” he sighed. “I’d rather have them stay numb and not be able to walk…”
Sarah laughed but it quickly turned into a gasp when another wave of needles attacked her legs. She hoped they’d fade soon. It’d be terrible to walk home in this condition.
Slowly they managed to get to the door and by the time Sarah was buttoning her coat, the feeling had mostly returned. It was a great relief, and Sarah thought she’d appreciate normal feel in her legs more from now on.
Castiel leaned at the doorframe and watched Sarah get ready. When she picked up her bag, he walked closer put his hand on her arm.
“Do you want to come over tomorrow?” he asked.
“I’d love to but I’m going to see my dad. I couldn’t go last week.”
“Okay. I’ll text you then for plans.”
“O…okay,” Sarah said and blushed. Nobody had texted her for plans.
Before Sarah could leave, Castiel kissed her again. Another group of butterflies set flight. Sarah couldn’t hold back a smile. She was so happy.
“See you later,” she smiled and then hurried out of the door. Her heart was thumping in her chest.
When she got to the street, she covered her mouth to muffle a squeal. Everything that had happened rushed back to her. Her emotions were swirling inside her and made her giddy. She was excited and nervous.
The walk home passed faster than usual. The birds chirped louder, and their tune was jollier. The snow on the sides of the streets didn’t look as miserably grey as before. Sarah even hummed a few tunes with the birds.
Sarah nearly danced inside but calmed herself on the last moments. She’d have to act natural, or mum would start suspecting something. Sarah wasn’t ready to tell about Castiel just yet.
But mum heard her come in and arrived at the hallway when Sarah was hanging up her coat.
“Where were you this long?” she asked.
“In the library,” Sarah replied. She tried to stay calm, but a smile pushed itself on her face.
“You seem happy today. Did something happen?”
“No, nothing special.”
Sarah walked to the kitchen trying to suppress the smile, but it was persistent. She only needed to have a half of a thought about Castiel and there the smile was again, beaming on her face.
“Well, actually, I was wondering… When did you get your first boyfriend?” Sarah asked.
She was pouring herself a glass of water, so she didn’t see how high her mother’s eyebrows shot. An excited glint appeared in her eyes.
“Well, I got my very first ‘boyfriend’ when I was eight. But you can’t really call those serious relationships, can you. I had the first properly serious relationship when I was fifteen. Why do you ask. Did something happen?”
“N-no. Nothing happened,” Sarah said and blushed strongly. She had just decided to keep her relationship secret and now she asked suspicious things from her mother. Great job. “I was just reading a book and started wondering…”
“Hmm, alright. But remember that you can always tell me.”
“Of course. Thank you, mum. I love you.”
“I love you too, dear.”
Sarah smiled as mum gave her a warm hug. She’d tell her soon, after she had sorted out her own feelings and got past all this excitement. She wanted to tell. Mum would be so happy to hear her daughter finally had a boyfriend.
Sarah got to her room and lied down on her bed to relax when her sister came to knock on the door. Her dolls were organizing a boxing match and just one more member was needed for the audience. With a sigh Sarah sat up. She didn’t really have the energy for plays now but she hadn’t spent much time with Steffie. Hopefully Mari-Anne would get a first round ko. Sarah watched her sister playing out the match with a smile on her face, but soon her thoughts started to wander back to Castiel. She had just left his house, but she could hardly wait for the next chance to see him again.
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