I was laying on my bed. I didn't feel like doing anything. My phone was laying silently next to me, but soon it started to ring again. I didn't move - I just let it ring.
There was a small knock on my door and I heard someone open it.
"You know - that's getting really annoying", I heard my daddy Jessie say.
I rolled over to see him. He was sitting in his wheelchair at my door. He leaned his hands on his knees and he looked at my constantly ringing phone.
"Why don't you answer to him?" he asked.
"It's just Nic.." I said.
"Oh? This just Nic is still outside the house. I'm not sure but I have this weird feeling that he's a bit worried about you", Jessie said.
I chuckled and looked at the phone when it stopped ringing.
"What's wrong?" Jessie asked quietly and came in, closing the door behind him.
"What he wants from me?" I asked instead. "Why me?"
Jessie gave my a sympathetic look. "You know - I asked that same question over and over again when I started dating Alex."
"Yeah?" I asked and sat up on my bed. I crossed my legs and picked up my phone.
I already had three texts and five missed calls.
"You can't explain love", Jessie said quietly. "Our hearts do what they want, and you can't expect them to give us any answers."
"I don't know if I can trust him", I said honestly.
"Why?" Jessie asked. "Because he's a Gabriel?"
I knew how ridiculous that sounded. "I just have this feeling there's something wrong", I said.
My freaking phone started to ring again.
"He does care about you", Jessie said. "That's always a good sign."
I let out a sigh and didn't say anything.
"Just answer to him - poor boy must be freaking out already", Jessie said.
"Things would be easier if he'd just leave me alone", I said.
"Easier maybe, but what's the fun in that?" Jessie asked and gave me a smile. "Answer to him or I will."
I rolled my eyes and pressed the answer button.
"Jax! Thank God - I have been so worried! Why didn't you answer to me sooner?" Nic's voice was filled with worry.
"I'm sorry - I'm feeling sick - I was trying to get some rest.." I told him.
"Oh - I'm sorry if I disturbed you.." Nic said.
"It's alright.." I muttered.
"Where are you?" Nic asked.
"I'm at home."
"Oh", he fell silent for a moment. "Your dad said you weren't home."
Because I asked him to say that..
"Really?" I said instead.
I could tell he knew I was lying. He was silent for a moment, before he asked hesitantly:
"Can I come in?"
"Sure.." I said quietly.
He hung up and soon after I heard our doorbell ring. I sighed and got up from the bed and followed Jessie out of my room.
"Didn't I just tell you to get the fuck out of here?" I heard my dad Alex say.
"It's alright dad - let him in", I told him when I walked to them.
Alex glared at Nic, who was looking at me, but stepped aside when my daddy Jessie cleared his throat annoyedly.
Nic stepped in and I walked back to my bedroom. I heard him follow me and he sat down on my bed. I sat down on my chair instead and I saw Nic's hurt expression.
"Are you alright?" he asked with a tiny voice.
I shrugged my shoulders. I tried to avoid looking at him - his hurtful expression made my soul cry.
"I actually wanted to talk about something", Nic spoke quietly. "My dad's firm is having a party in few weeks, but my dad said I have to bring a girl with me."
What the hell I'm supposed to say to that?
"Then you should find yourself a nice girl to go with", I said, trying to keep my voice neutral.
"Jax - I don't want to go, but my dad insisted and I can't afford to make him more mad at me than he already is", Nic said pleadingly.
I snorted before I could stop myself. "I thought you didn't care what he thought."
"Jax - please - what's going on?" Nic asked and got up from the bed. He knelt down at my feet and grabbed my hands. "Please - tell me what I did wrong?"
"If you want to take some skank at your fucking party then be my guest", I snapped angrily at him and pulled my hands away from his grip.
"I want to take you, but he won't allow it", Nic said. "Tell me what's going on so I can fix this", he continued.
"Nothing's going on - there's nothing to fix - I'm just tired of all of this!" I shouted without thinking straight.
"Oh", Nic said and sat there on the floor silently. "So you are getting tired of me?" he said with no expression on his face.
That's not what I meant!
"Nic - I -", I thought my heart stopped beating out of fear at that moment.
"No - no it's alright I guess", he said and got up from the floor. "I hope you'll get better soon", he said and without waiting for my answer he walked out of my room.
"No - Nic!" I got up and followed him.
He was already at our front door.
"Nic?" I called after him when he shut the door behind him.
He just.. Left..
I just left without listening what I had to say. Just like that. I wanted to cry but instead I grit my teeth together and fought back every emotion I had.
I didn't mean it like that - I meant I was tired of figuring him out - figuring our relationship out. All I meant was I needed some time to get used to everything and that he shouldn't be worried about me and there was nothing he needed to fix. I was just so insecure when I was with him, but I knew everything would have been alright in time.
But he just left without looking back. All I did was phrasing my thoughts wrong and he left.
"Jax..?" I heard Jessie say worriedly behind me.
"It's alright. At least I know now how little he actually cared", I said emotionlessly and went back to my room.
Maybe he was waiting for a reason to break up with me. His dates never lasted long, so I should have seen this coming.
I sat down on my bed. It hurt like hell, but later it would have hurt even more, so this was for the best.
I was back at work and this time it was easier to concentrate on my job, when I had blocked Nic out of my mind. I had cried a lot last night, but now I was ready to forget all about him. He didn't care about me, so why should I care about him?
"Where is that fucking calculator..?" I mumbled to myself while searching for the little device among the huge piles of papers and folders at the office.
"It should be right there next to the computer", I heard Shirley say on the other side of the room.
"Well it's not fucking here!" I snapped at her. "Why don't you fucking clean up this mess already! There's fucking programs you can get to organize all this - this - shit without having this much paper lying around!"
"Stop swearing!" Shirley snapped at me. "It's right there next to the monitor!" she continued and pointed at the monitor.
"Fuck this shit.." I muttered when I saw the device. I look around the table to see the paper where I had marked down our inventory. "For fuck sake this is not real!" I groaned when I didn't see the paper anywhere.
"Jax - what's wrong? I haven't seen you this angry in a while", Shirley said. "You have been acting weird for few days already."
"There's nothing wrong!" I shouted, my anger leaking over.
I threw the calculator back at the table a bit to hard and I heard how it broke into pieces.
This shit is not fucking real!
I stormed out of the office and saw my uncle George near at the registers. I tried to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm.
"Jax - why don't you calm down a bit - you are scaring our customers", he said quietly into my ear.
I didn't realize I had been so loud.
"Then give me something to calm me down", I hissed at him.
He let out a sigh and pulled something out of his pockets. He gave me a small pack of smokes. "You know the rules - I never gave you these.." he just said and I stormed out of the back door of the shop.
I had been smoking for few years already. I used to steal the smokes before uncle George found out about it. He was angry, but he didn't tell anyone. Ever since he had bought the smokes for me so I wouldn't have to steal them - he knew I would if he didn't.
I felt bad for making him do that, and I was going to give up smoking - Nic had said he didn't like the smell - but shit happened.
I lit up one of the smokes when I reached the back alley. I inhaled the smoke and I felt my nerves calming down a bit.
I stood there for a while, my mind drifting on its own back to a moment from few days ago. I could still feel Nic's warm, naked body next to my own.
I felt something wet running down my cheeks.