He opens the door, locking it from the inside before closing it.
And he stands there. That happened so fast. It was so fast.
It was so wrong.
You wanna know what he just did. Kirishima's mouth twists as his face scrunches against the tears that run over his cheeks. He just did exactly what Bakugo was talking about in sex ed a while ago. He just fell right into the smell of heat, he just went along with what his instincts wanted, with what his body craved. He didn't think about how Bakugo was feeling at all. The blond was in heat, he couldn't think straight either. He couldn't stop what was happening until his body calmed down enough for him to think.
Kirishima can hear Bakugos words ringing in his ears. He can hear that grated "I mean by force" fluttering through his brain.
He hiccups pathetically, turning and running to his own room, slamming through the door and flopping on his bed without preamble. He finds refuge in the sheets, pulling them against his face and letting his sad sobbing out into it. At least nobody can hear him cry this hard as long as he muffles it.
His heart hurts. It hurts so much. He's never felt so messed up before. It's because he took his meds late again today. Plus he didn't even take the right dosage. He took half. He took only half because it keeps his body somewhat in check, but then he doesn't feel so dead inside. He took half because he thought it would be ok.
Its not though, and he's realizing it now that he's done what he's did to Bakugo. He's realizing it now as his body screams for him to get himself off even when he doesn't feel like it. He feels horrible, he feels like he could fall into the deepest, darkest place of space and never return.
He somehow finds it in him to take his clothes off and go in the bathroom to clean himself up. He changes his underwear, embarressed by the stain in them. He washes his hair in the sink, ridding any smell of Bakugo off of him. He can't stand it. He can't stand it because he went and fucked up. He went and tried to have sex with Bakugo while he was in heat. He knows that his instincts had a hold of him but this is still wrong!
He flops back on the bed after, eyes swollen and red, face still stiff from the salty tears, even after he washed his face.
Kirishima sighs, and closes his eyes, and he immediately regrets it because the first image that pops into his mind is Bakugo laying beneath him. The way the blond was eagerly pulling him down into soft but heady kisses.
Kirishima opens his eyes again, and rolls, staring at his meds that sit on his work desk from his bed.
Maybe... he should take the right dosage afterall...
The next few days are a wreck.
During the day he walks around, feeling like a lifeless husk with no soul left inside his body. This is mostly because he's taking the right dosage, smoothering any alphan feeling in his body, while also giving himself a distinct amount of nausea.
He has to sit out in practices after he faints one time, and he's not allowed to go out of the building at his mentorship after he stumbles going up the stairs and hits his head off the rail. He feels worthless just sitting behind a desk, but they even took the privledge to do paper work from him because he fell asleep more than once in 30 minutes.
He falls behind in class too. Between falling asleep and spacing out, he can't keep up with notes, and when they get the homework for that night, he can't even focus on it, let alone understand the shit.
He spends hours staring at his wall at night though. He misses Bakugo so much that's its suffocating. He also really wants to apologize again. He fucked up, they both did, but kirishima should've been the person of resolve in that scenario and he should've backed off the blond the moment he was in the room. Bakugo was heat driven. Kirishima was not.
He rolls and flops around all night, every night, for the whole week. He doesn't sleep well, and if he does, then the meds don't make him feel it.
He doesn't eat as much as usual either, nausea being a bitch on his appetite. He eats enough to at least do his workout routein. But shit, he struggles with that too, every curl up making his gut jump to his throat.
Somedays he doesn't even do his hair, limp arms feeling too tired and wiggly to even do it. His brain says no too. He doesn't worry about going to the common room to watch movies. He stays in his room, trying to sleep off the meds, but he can't sleep, and somehow trying to sleep makes him want to sleep even more. He can't get out of this cycle of: wanting to sleep, trying to sleep, not being able to sleep, and wanting to sleep because of that.
By the end of the day, he wants to curl away and hide in his room where he can pretend none of this shit exists.
Which is exactly what he does, all week long. He goes straight to his room and tries to force himself to sleep. He tries to force his scent out, but then takes his night meds. He grimaces each time he takes them, hating how they change his mood and his optimism.
But he's not risking another incident like last time. Not only did he attack his teachers, he couldn't control himself around his best friend.
He'd much rather have a smothered personality over messing up with Bakugo again. Hell, he'd hate to mess up with any of his friends.
He knows that all alphas get urges, but with his AHI its obvious that his could be dangerous and wreckless to a partner that wasn't prepared for it. And thats exactly why he hates himself for getting involved with Bakugo the other day.
He needs to be mature about this and just take his meds.
And as he swallows down yet another dose, he sighs, and rolls over, settling into the sheets for the night.
He'll dwell on it tomorrow. Now, its time to count some sheep and force himself to sleep.