He flinches as the blonds nuzzles into his shirt, and Kirishima feels his heart ram against his ribcage. God Bakugo feels so warm laying against him like this. Kirishima wishes he could just lay here forever.
"So like..." Kirishima's attention perks as Bakugo voice comes out quieter than usual, a little more smooth than usual,"This..."
Kirishima swallows, staring at the ceiling hard,"I... I didn't want to... I didn't want to tell you that I liked you because I was afraid that you'd think I was just another stupid alpha trying to invade your space, or like... Make you feel like I only got close to you to date you..."
Bakugo nods, staying silent. Kirishima wishes he could see more than his crush's hair.
"And then... With my AHI..." The red head clenches his jaw. Theres a moment where he hesitates, wondering if its even worse to consider this in the conversation. But if he's gonna open up, he might as well do it correctly.
"I feel... Pretty worthless... Right now." He whispers,"And I know that it's not true but I feel that way despite it all... And I didn't wanna go and tell you that I liked you when I'm like this. Not only because I feel like an unfit partner but because I'm just really messed up right now and I don't wanna drag you down with me... I already have in several different ways, and that makes me feel like shit too."
Bakugo shifts suddenly, and Kirishima looks up at him as the blond hovers over him. Bakugo glares at him deeply, brows furrowed so tight that kirishima is sure they're colliding right now. He brings in a stuttered breath as the omega flicks his chest, huffing out a frustrated sound.
"I don't give a fuck." He says limply, and Kirishima knows that the blond doesn't mean that about his feelings,"I want to be there for you shitty hair. I know that dealing with AHI isn't easy for the sick person or anyone around them but you're not the only one with feelings here."
Kirishima breathes in and nods jerkily, unsure of what to say. He's actually kinda glad when Bakugo plows on.
"The only reason I didn't say shit about my feelings, er whatever, is cause I threw a whole ass tantrum about being dominate while I was laying in bed next to you... I felt fucking stupid throwing a fit over having to find a mate while I knew my fated was laying right next to me."
Fuck, Bakugo said it,"You-!"
"And not only that!" He shuts the alpha up immediately,"But you're dealing with this AHI stuff... And I didn't wanna push my shitty feelings on you when I knew you were already putting yourself down like this..."
Kirishima stares up at him, and they both seem to get flustered together, both of their cheeks tinting pink as they both glance away. Kirishima's heart thumps hard, and he's sure Bakugo can hear it which only makes him even more embarrassed. There's a fluttery feeling in his gut, and it just seems to make him even more anxious.
Kirishima brings in a stuttered breath, and risks looking into the other boys eyes. He's surprised to see Bakugo staring at him intently, crimson eyes softer as he leans down and tucks his face into the alphas shoulder. Kirishima swallows, and wraps his arms tighter around him.
"This means we're dating right?" Kirishima whispers.
Bakugo sighs heavily, trying to sound annoyed, but it gives off a sound of fondness,"Yes. Have you still not understood that."
"S-Sorry! I just- just wanted to make sure."
Bakugo hums, and he sounds sleepy, breath gusting against the red heads neck softly and deeply. He must be falling asleep.
Kirishima lays there quietly, too afeaid to move or even breathe wring. If Bakugo is asleep he really doesn't want to wake him up.
But his arm starts singing a different tune. It grows tingly and numb, and then, slowly, the stabbing pain of long-lasting-numbness starts to set in. He bares with it for several minutes, still unsire of wether or not the omega is asleep. But eventually he can't take it anymore, and his heart starts thidding again as he works up the courage to speak.
"Hey..." It sounds so fucking loud when he whispers all of a sudden, and he cringes.
"Yeah..." He's honestly surprised to hear bakugo's sleepy voice speak back to him. Gis cheeks feel warm beneath his eyes, which sgine at the ceiling like an entranced child. Bakugo's sleepy voice always gets him. He sounds so small when hes tired.
"I'm sorry... But my arms falling asleep..." He whispers and waits for the impending annoyance.
Bakugo sighs heavily, and shifts even further onto the larger boy. Kirishima freezes where he lays on his back. His arm is freed from Bakugo's weight, but he feels like an elephant is suddenly on his chest now.
Bakugo is so close against him. He's breathing on his neck and his gland. The red head doesn't wanna move too much.
The young alpha spends his time staring at the ceiling for a few more minutes. His own eyes droop, and he's sure he's falling asleep when Bakugo whispers his name.
"I..." The blond shifts against him, pressing his face tightly against where he'd been breathing,"Can you try and scent me?"
Kirishima brings in a shocked breath, lungs suddenly constricted. He stares at the ceiling wide eyed, panic running through him.
"I-I can't..." He swallows, and the panic turns into guilt and self loathing immediately. He can't scent his omega... What good is he doing?
"I can smell you though." Bakugo whispers against gis neck. Kirishkma flinches hard, knees jerking as he feels warm hot breath against gis neck, and suddenly there's solid teeth nipping into his skin.
"Bakugo wait-" He struggles as his mating goand is sucked on, and he chokes down a sharp groan that was about to escape. He closes his eyes, fear and embarrassment running through him almost as hot as his arousal. Bakugo is marking him. Bakugo is marking him- scenting him right now.
And god it's worse and better as a hand slides underneath his t-shirt, just to stop at the hem of his boxers. He shivers, hot heat pooling in his groin so fast that he's sure he's gone lightheaded. Bakugo breathes hard against his neck too, and Kirishima doesn't wanna think about the blonds own arousal pressing into the his naval.
"Oh my god..." Kirishima breathes hard, hands shaking in meek excitement against his partners sides. Most of it is fear though,"Bakugo...?"
"Can we...?" The blond pants heavily,"Kirishima..."
"W-Wait..." He whispers and sits up on his elbows. Bakugo leans back too, sitting on his own legs between Kirishima's.
They stare at eachother, and Kirishima can see the obvious want written all over the blonds face. He stares at Bakugo with a look of embarrassment and fear, unsure of what to do. Bakugo looks flustered too, looking off to the side with an unsettled expression.
"Nevermind..." He murmurs, and there's something in his voice that says sorry. Kirishima doesn't want him to be sorry though!
"N-No! I uh- uh um..." He fidgets, twisting his fingers together in his lap. That draws his attention to his own boner, and he quickly tucks himself, throat feeling tight and strangled,"I w-want to... With you..."
Bakugo picks at the hem of his own shirt, grumbling low in his throat- which definitely doesn't make Kirishima's interest stronger- before growling,"I'm only talking about touching and stuff."
"Y-Yeah." Kirishima nods. He knew that. Definitely.
It grows silent between them again. Kirishima feels this overwhelming need to hold Bakugo close again, to press him into the sheets gently and kiss him silly. It's such a strong feeling, and it's not arousal this time. Its just... It's so warm and light- but somehow heavy too. It makes his chest crumple up and and shrink his lungs until it feels like he can't breathe anymore.
"I think we should wait." He whispers suddenly and blinks. His mind had come to a sudden conclusion and he blurted it without thinking. He swallows, cheeks burning with a nervous embarrassment.
Bakugo stares at him, and he brings in a breath of his own, nodding as he quietly looks to the side. Something on his face screams dissappointment, but he seems to resolve his own thoughts just as quickly as Kirishima's had a moment ago.
"B-But we can still... Kiss... And stuff..." The red head stutters out, chest thumping so hard he swears he can see his heart moving beneath his shirt. That could also be his overactive imagination, but it feels the same either way.
Bakugo nods again, and he shifts a little closer to the other boy, heart still thumping hard as he tries to get the omega to look him in the eye,"Bakugo...?"
"You need to gain weight." Bakugo says suddenly, and he tries to hide his soft pink blush with a deep scowl. Kirishima blinks at him, wondering where the sudden statement came from while admiring the way the lamp light frames his lovers face.
Bakugo must be trying to change the subject.
"I-I know..." He murmurs, and presses a hand against his own stomach. He feels ashamed of the ribs he can feel, of the bony way his body feels, and looks to the side. It's unsettling to think that he's fallen this far into himself and his problem. He tries to ignore it most of the time.
"Its because of the medicine right?" The blonds hands fidget mildly in his own lap, and Kirishima knows he's avoiding touching the alpha either out of awkwardness or he's simply restraining himself from making the other boy feel more restless about his body.
"Nh..." Kirishima isn't sure how to answer. At first it was the medicine: yes. But now... Now it's more like the medicine and his own mind. He tells himself he won't be able to keep it down, and doesn't even try, although he knows from experience that he can keep a small meal down as long as he doesn't over exert himself afterwards.
"Y-Yeah... Kinda..." He whispers,"I think I just need coaxing sometimes though cause like... I hate throwing up and I try to avoid it as much as I can..."
"So you don't eat because you're dumb." Bakugo states, and although it sounds hurtful, Kirishima nods. Bakugo isn't lying.
"I'll make you eat..." Bakugo growls out, and stares at Kirishima with thin lips,"Whether you like it or not."
"O-Okay..." Kirishima feels heat bubbles up in his stomach. Is Bakugo challenging him right now? "T-Then I'll eat it all!"
Bakugo snorts and shakes his head, looking at the floor just past the nest,"You better."
"I will." Kirishima murmurs, and watches Bakugo's eyes shift over the carpet. Kirishima really wants to hug him.
"Can I hug you?"
Bakugo looks at him, and then he rolls his eyes, shaking his head,"Yes. We were literally kissing like ten minutes ago."
Kirishima flushes dark, and he pouts,"I-I know."
Bakugo shifts forward, and Kirishima snuggles his face into the omegas neck as he's hugged.
Not much else is said between them. They lay back down, and hold eachother close, scenting heavily into the room. Well, Kirishima tries his best. He can't really feel it, and he can't smell it very well, but he hopes he puts off some scent for Bakugo. The blond is bathing him in his sweet cinnamon and vanilla after all.
Something settles deep in his chest, and he thinks it something like his worries being soothed. He knows he has a lot more to deal with, and he knows that until he feels ready to go further into a relationship, he won't get to come off of his meds or anything. He'll just have to work on his health until then, or he'll fall completely behind everyone in the school.
He's not sure if Bakugo will be that person. He truly hopes that the omega will be that person. Kirishima turns his head, staring at the other boy who has fallen asleep already. His face looks so soft in the lamp light, his lashes brushing his upper cheek gently, lips parted open just enough to let little gusts of air out. He's such a quiet sleeper.
God Kirishima wants to be good for him. He wants to be Bakugo's everything, he wants to be there for him in any and every way he needs.
And to do that, he needs to build up his strength again, he needs to build up the courage to push forward and fight against his enemies. And his AHI is one of them.
Kirishima looks back at the ceiling, heart thudding softly as he squeezes his hands into his shirt on his chest. He squeezes the fabric tightly, eyes growing determined in the dark.
He can do this. Yeah, he can be better. He feels like trash and he feels guilty because he keeps telling himself he can't do anything. He knows his friends are worried and he knows his mom's are worried. He knows his little sister is always wondering why she doesn't see him on TV anymore. He knows Bakugo is worried.
He looks over at his new boyfriend, eyes growing soft. Yeah... Bakugo is worried. He's rough about showing care, but him giving Kirishima the most pancakes the other day was a hint. The blond getting angry at him when he refused to find a partner was a hint. Bakugo scenting him was a hint.
Him staying at the hospital every day and night Kirishima was there was a hint.
The red head sighs, and smiles gently, reaching over and brushing the blonds bangs back. Bakugo winces some in his sleep, breath going short for just a moment before he tucks his face closer into the pillow between the alphas shoulder.
God, he's so cute.
He brings in a breath, and looks at the ceiling again. The only reason he isn't getting better or progressing is because he keeps telling himself he can't. He got so caught up in being sick and sad that he didn't think that maybe there was a chance to get a better health plan to feel better while on the meds.
Bakugo was right. He is being dumb.
Kirishima smiles a little bit, ruby eyes shining with a new goal in mind. He wants to be better. He wants to be better- not only for his friends, or his family- but for himself. He doesn't wanna be like this for the rest of whatever time he'll be like this.
He looks at Bakugo again, and mildly wonders if his constant shifting is bothering the other boy in any way. It must not be since he's still sleeping.
He wants to be better for Bakugo.
He shifts and rolls onto his side, cuddling closer to his omega and tucking his face into the other boys chest. Bakugo hums in his sleep, and Kirishima swears his heart dies in his chest as he arm wraps over his soulder and the back of his head.
So warm... He closes his eyes. God this is so warm.
Yeah... He wants to be better for everyone and himself. He won't live like this.
He brings in a really deep, long breath, and lets it out in an equally heavy sigh.
He'll be a good boyfriend for Bakugo. He has to be. He doesn't want to lose him now that he's finally got him.
After all... They are tied by fate.