Letter #410728

Toronto, Canada, July 28, 1941

Hello Darling, 

I have just arrived home from work and I’m feeling rather blue as I had to work tonight and it sure was hot. As you are away, there is nothing else to do but go home. You’ll never know how much I would have liked to have seen you.

I phoned Reina today and explained why I hadn’t phoned her. She had been downtown shopping and came home with Den on the street car. I would have gone over last night but we ran out of gas thirty miles east of Toronto. Brother! What a feeling. Thirty miles from home and no gas stations open. Mrs.Gray and I started out and walked several miles visiting three farms before we got someone who would sell us any. Then we had to carry a three gallon tin back to the car. Then we drove back to the farm and gave them back their tin and funnel. We finally arrived in the city about 10:45 PM. Seems as if every time I go up to Jack’s something happens. But it sure was worth it. I never enjoyed the weekend as much.

How is your cold? Getting better, I hope. Take care of yourself and don’t get too much sun. Is your back still sore? I guess it is better now or did you get more sun today? How was the fishing? Have you caught a bigger one yet? This is beginning to read like a questionnaire, so I better change over for a while.

Tell Jack that I asked Miss White for a statement and was told that “I have just come back from my holidays and have so much work to catch up on that Jack will be lucky to get one by September and if he comes in the office I shall bawl him out myself”.

Well I guess that’s all the news there is for now so I will close by asking you to say “thank you” to Jack and Doe for me again for such a swell weekend. Well darling, I guess I will go to bed as it is 10:30. This will give me more time to dream about you. Good night Peach Pie.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

HORGAN

P.S. Hope to see you this weekend. 

P. S. S.        X

Reflection: “As you are away, there is nothing else to do but go home.” Wow, can I ever relate to Horgie feeling blue when my favorite person is away. Food doesn’t seem to taste the same, music doesn’t sound the same, the world looks drab, and it seems like there is nothing to do but go home. 

I’ve had my share of break-ups in life and can really relate to feeling like there is nothing to do but feel blue. That’s part of what depression felt like for me. However, I can also relate to that same feeling when in a new relationship, where I want to share my experiences to the extent that I’d rather wait to do something until my person is with me to share the experience. Perhaps it is about making new memories. Perhaps it is about dealing with the grief of being apart and resolving those mixed feelings of being apart. Whatever the reason, the antidote is to enjoy what I have—my own company.

It took some time for me to learn to enjoy my own company and have my own experiences and adventures that I do for me. It took some time to learn to step out on my own, let alone the courage to be brave in the face of a seemingly scary world. I found spaces that I felt comfortable in, which turned out to be Open Mic nights, poetry readings, art studio spaces, community outreach spaces, and a few places down by the beach in my hometown of Cobourg, Canada. 

I’ve learned there are benefits to both activities, going home and feeling blue, as well as forcing myself out to do something for myself. Staying in and feeling blue got me reading Horgie’s letters and writing this book! Forcing myself out to go to Open Mic’s around town led me to some wonderful relationships.

Learning how to enjoy my company (be it at home or going out) and develop some interests (for both home alone and going out) took some time for me, but it was certainly worth it. I encourage you to consider enjoying your own company at home, and going out as basic training for life. Trust me, you’ll be surprised at how awesome you really are!