The silence only makes the two men more aware of the presence of each other, to Nikias it was an uncomfortable interaction with someone that expressed their disgust so clearly, and to Rainier it was uncomfortable to be in the presence of someone he long decided to be the true evil of the Empire. It's hard to know who's the most idealist, Rainier or Evangelia.

“We're here”, Rainier stops in front of Nikias' room, he looks at the man's eyes again, trying to find a hint that he's faking everything. Who knows he could even have faked dying. The only witnesses to his heart stopping were his shady servants.

“Ok, you can go now”, his words are rude, but his tone is calm. He's not thanking the man because he didn't do so at the goodness of his heart. He did it because he's the youngest Prince, nothing less nothing more. Rainier’s eyes twitch with anger but he doesn't say anything as the Prince enters his room without another word.

“So fucking annoying” he whispers, turning around to meet eyes with another individual. The man is smaller than him, his dark brown hair, black eyes and black clothes makes him blend with the darkness perfectly.

“You should watch your mouth”, the man speaks, Rainier clicks his tongue, by the man's uniform he's one of Nikias' shady servants. He can't tell them apart as they're twins. The servant tilts his head, his eyes are dull and his lips are pursed. “The commander of the Silver Crows needs to learn a bit more etiquette if that's how he treats a royal”.

He doesn't know when to shut up, Rainier thinks, rolling his eyes. “You're lower in rank than me, you're the one that needs to watch his mouth”, the taller man takes a step towards the other, trying to appear more threatening.

“Someone that used to be from the slums shouldn't be saying that”, the condescending tone of the servant puts Rainier on edge. He hates to be reduced to an ex-commoner. The redhead puts his hand on the shoulder of the brunette pushing the man towards the wall.

“Watch it”, he says.

“Or?” The servant doesn't show any sign of being threatened. “You're nothing but the Crown Prince’s dog.” Rainier snorts.

“And you're the scum Prince’s puppy”, he mocks the smaller man with a smirk.

The servant laughs, “I'm more of a courier pigeon than a puppy”, he seems to find the situation amusing. “Can you let me go now? Dog”. The redhead tightens his grip on the man's shoulder, he knows it'll leave a mark and that it must hurt like hell, but the man doesn't back down. I can't kill him, Rainier thinks with hypocrisy, a few minutes prior he was questioning the murders of the Princes. He takes deep breaths, trying to control himself. If he wanted he could've killed this man, yes, he's the one in control, or at least that's what he wishes to think so.

“Which one are you?”

“Excuse me?” the servant is flabbergasted, what type of question is that?

“What's your name?” Rainier repeats himself with a groan.

“It's none of your fucking business”, the redhead analyzes the man's face, under his right eyes there is a mole that catches the man's attention, Maybe his twin won't have it? So he can find a way of differentiating them and finding his name on his own. After all, Rainier isn't the type to let provocations go unanswered.

He laughs with amusement. “I'll find out anyway, enjoy your time, puppy, soon you'll wish to never have crossed my path”, he sounds so threatening that Lowe doesn't want to laugh again. He almost looks cute, thinking he can scare me, the Crown Prince is a thousand times scarier and Nikias is scarier than them combined. The hand on his shoulder is gone and the redhead seems satisfied with what he said. Lowe can't hold back, he isn't the type to make provocations, he used to lower his head, maybe Nikias is starting to rub off on me. 

“I'll be waiting, doggy”, it's hard to hold his smirk as he enters Nikias' room, not turning back to see the redhead's face. I wonder what kind of face he made. Lowe had fun, he knows that he can handle the knight, that's why he provoked him so openly. Lowe is scared of magicians not swordmasters.

❥

Again Nikias fell asleep at his desk, after returning from his run, Lowe came to see him for more documents of the Prince's assets. They discussed it for two hours before the servant left. Even after being alone, the silver-haired man couldn't fall asleep so he went to work. I'm 18 now, he thought when the first sun rays appeared on the horizon, and together with the sun and his thoughts, sleep came.

He's awakened by Raphael a few minutes before lunch, warm soup and black tea are the only things he had in his stomach until that moment, so when he's summoned to the dining room he's thrilled. “Your mother and brother wish to have lunch with you”, Raphael said and Nikias was quite surprised, however he didn't demonstrate, only got dressed and left with a calm and composed expression.

The buzzing Palace seems to be quiet, the servants that crossed his path didn't look at the Prince, and the silent corridors only showed the protest of the people against the Prince that became one year older. Do they think this childish protest will do them any good? He thinks being hated isn't the issue, the lack of respect is. If he was any more deranged he would've killed them all.

When he arrives at the dining room he sees his mother and brother having a calming conversation. “Good morning mother, brother”, he says with a yawn. “Sorry I didn't sleep well”. He sits next to his mother and in front of his brother.

Nikias' eyes travel through the high variety of food at the table, every single dish there can be eaten with their hands, there isn't even tableware at the table, he turns to his brother.

“Did you do this?” he can't avoid but be touched by the older Prince's actions, something he only mentioned once was taken into consideration, he could even be moved by tears if he wasn't busy trying to figure it out what to eat first.

“Well, maybe”, Alkaios smiles. “It's your birthday after all”, the older man remembered Lowe's comment, how Nikias always awaits for his family but they never come. He would never need to wait again, as at least his brother will forever come to him on his birthday from now on.

The youngest Prince starts eating, and that's the thing about someone that never had sugar or seasoned food before, Nikias starts eating like he hasn't eaten in years. Every new taste brings tears to his eyes, meaty sandwiches, bite sized cakes, macaroons, toasts… he can't have enough, even if his stomach feels like bursting. Like a child that has always starved, he felt like that was the only moment he would be able to eat something like that.

Trauma isn't a joke, he can't even see his own actions, he's unconscious of how he looks to his mother and brother, even the servants stare at the youngest Prince with pity. Commoners that once saw the eyes of starving children at the slums know, their eyes are just like Nikias’ eyes are right now. Despair for food, fear of eating slowly, hands in front of his plate in fear of being taken away, actions that the now 18-year old isn't even aware of.

Alkaios clenches his fist under the table, there are too many eyes there for him to let his anger out. He never saw Nikias eat like that, but when was the last time he saw his brother eat? He was poisoned and died, all he ate until that day were bland soups and watery tea. I want to kill everyone that ever served you, he thinks with pain in his heart, maybe if he was closer to him that wouldn't happen, maybe if he tried harder they could've been closer and Nikias could even consider him his friend and brother. 

The youngest Prince isn't a child anymore, and that makes everything even more hurtful, it's already too late to fix past mistakes, what can they do now? Forego the past and insist on the future? No, ignoring the past is the same as repeating those same mistakes again. Not talking and admitting their own guilt will only harm their relationship further. Alkaios resents his parents for a lot, however the neglect of Nikias is something he can't ever forgive. But aren't I part of such neglect? After all, everyone in the Palace assumed the Crown Prince despised his brother, which made them neglect and mistreat Nikias even more.

Empress Else on the other hand isn't angry at others or questioning her role, she knows what she’d done, she knows her fault, although she's scared, the woman can't bear anymore. The pain inside her heart is all her fault, but her sons deserve to forego their pain that their parents caused. And there isn't anyone that can give them freedom except for her and Magnus.

It's possible to have a different view, ‘they’re adults, it's their responsibility now to come to terms with their past’, ‘their trauma is only theirs to heal’ or even ‘what can you do? Now it's their turn to seek healing’. But a perpetrator ignoring their crimes makes it go away just because the victim learned to live despite it? His parents caused his trauma, he can learn how to continue to live, but the trauma will never be gone while the ones at fault don't give them the closure they need. The process of healing trauma is complicated, as of course one can learn to heal on their own, but it'll never go away. Else grabs Nikias' hand, making the man stop eating, his cheeks full and his eyes filled with despair. “Nikki, would you like some tea too?” The question makes the man stop, he swallows the food and thinks, the realization of what he just had done comes quicker than he wishes it did.

The youngest Prince's cheeks become red with embarrassment, he searches his mother's eyes for a hint of disgust or anger, but finds none. There isn't even pity in her eyes. Love and affection, that's all there is in her eyes, tears come to his eyes but he swallows it up before they can flow through his face. “Yes… mother”, he chokes on the words but replies anyway, he can't even look at his brother or servants face, he's scared of the judgmental eyes. 

The food was just so good that I couldn't… the man thinks, even his hands and neck become red with the amount of embarrassment he's feeling. The Empress serves her own tea to her son, differently from his usual black tea, it's a herbal chamomile tea with lemon, she drinks to help calm her heart and mind as she studies. Nikias takes a sip before hesitating. It's sour but it doesn't taste bad, he thinks, I like black tea more though.

His mom pats his head, “Do you like it?” She asks with a lovely tone. Nikias nods, he wants to eat more, the food was delicious and he doesn't know if he will be able to… Of course he will, though, yes, he isn't on the streets anymore, he isn't there anymore, he isn't Vahe anymore.

There'll be food tomorrow… he tries to convince himself, he feels the urge of putting food in his pockets to eat later, like a child he can't seem to control himself. “Brother, at your ball they'll serve this kind of food too”, with those words Nikias' eyes glow.

“Really?” He asks and can't hide the excitement in his voice. Just after the words left his mouth he opens his eyes with shock, how can he lower his guard so easily? That's how so many children were kidnapped when he wandered the streets after food. Alkaios laughs softly, Nikias pouts for a second before trying to straighten his face again, the Crown Prince smiles brightly at the sight of his brother acting childish for the first time. 

Previously Nikias would be childish, but his behavior was more bratty than innocent, as innocence was something that only those that grew with care could have. Seeing the innocence and pure happiness in his brother's eyes, that's something that helps to heal Alkaios trauma bit by bit. Everyone has ways to deal with their trauma, Alkaios obsession with the happiness of his loves are his.