Ma swallows the afternoon dose of pills she’s been put on for her palliative care and slings her purse over her shoulder. She gives me a smile and pats me on the arm. “Ready to go now, lad,” She says cheerfully. 

I’m nervous for her to be in the venue tonight where it’ll be incredibly loud. “Are you sure you’re up for it?” I ask, anxious. 

“Of course, Michael,” Ma beams at me. “It’s been a while since I’ve been to one of your fights and I’m dying to go back.”

“That’s not funny,” I mumble, rubbing my arm. She’s been making these jokes recently and I don’t like them, but I usually hold my tongue because she’s been known to cope with humor and I want to respect that.

Ma stands up straighter to give me a peck on the cheek. “Sorry lad, I’m very excited to see you fight tonight is all I meant.”

I give her a small smile and a hug. “Okay, let’s head out then.”

I park and Ma and I get out of the truck. A security guard fist bumps me as I approach the side doors. I’ve seen him at other events that I’ve both attended and fought in. “Al’s already inside, along with your friend,” He says cheerfully.

That’s a little puzzling to me, because Lanie and her parents aren’t supposed to show up for a few minutes, still. “My friend?” I ask, confused.

“Some short punk looking guy who walked in with Al. Al vouched for him, said you two were good friends.” The security guard shrugs.

I sigh a long sigh and scratch the back of my neck. This is annoying and irritating and completely throws me off mentally for the fight tonight. “Okay, thanks for telling me,” I grumble. That sounds like Squid. I had completely forgotten to tell Al about what happened and I guess Squid used that to his advantage.

Ma looks up at me, confused. “What’s wrong?” She asks.

“Remember I told you and Dad about my old high school girlfriend who transitioned?” I ask as the security guard opens the door for us and lets us in.

“I do,” She replies after a moment of thought.

“Well he’s an asshole, and now he’s waiting for me here. I forgot to tell Al to not let him in anymore.” I lead Ma to the room I’m supposed to be preparing for the fight in. 

“What do you mean?” Ma asks with a confused frown. “Thought ye were on good terms.”

“Not anymore,” I grumble, gritting my teeth, “He wants me to break up with Lanie and get back with him. He’s a jerk.”

Ma clicks her tongue disapprovingly as the frown stays on her face. “Oh, I’m sorry Michael,” She says softly.

Squid is sitting inside the locker room chatting with Al, who looks about as annoyed as he usually does. “What are you doing here?” I ask bluntly as Squid looks up at me.

Al looks between the two of us and then at Ma. “Oh, Mrs. O’Malley!” He gets to his feet to come greet her. “Let’s catch up outside in the hallway.” He does seem genuinely excited to see her but I think part of this is him wanting to get away from the tension building between Squid and myself. He ushers her out the locker room door, leaving me and Squid to stare at each other.

“I came to apologize,” Squid stands from where he was sitting and walks up to me. His back is straight and there’s a determined look on his face like he’s full of confidence but his voice, which sounds hesitant, betrays him.

“I’m not in the mood,” I say, annoyed, “I have a fight to prepare for. Lanie’s parents are coming and as you’ve seen,” I gesture towards the closed door where Al and Ma stand on the other side, talking about who knows what, “My mother is here too so I have a lot of people I want to impress tonight.”

“Why’d you bring your mom anyway?” Squid asks with a sour look on his face. He crosses his arms. “Isn’t she dying? Isn’t it a bit selfish to want her here?” I don’t know why he’s giving me attitude when he’s the one who wants to apologize but it’s upsetting to hear him talk about my mom so bluntly and then to act like I’m forcing her out of the house against her will.

I narrow my eyes. “Great start at an apology, Squid. Great job. Get the fuck out.” I say sternly, pointing to the door. 

His eyes widen as he seems to realize he’s made a mistake and opens his mouth to speak, probably to backtrack, but I don’t want to hear it. “Out!” I shout. I don’t get angry easily, and I’m still not necessarily angry, just upset, but I feel like if I don’t shout at Squid he’ll keep trying to hang around and try to get on my good side again. I don’t want to hear it. He disregarded and insulted my very happy relationship with Lanie and dug himself further into the hole just now by making it seem like I’m being selfish with Ma.

Squid flinches, having never heard me shout before. Most people haven’t. He grits his teeth and balls his hands into tight fists but storms out of the locker room without saying anything else. I follow him to make sure he doesn’t bother Al or my mother on his way out.

Al and Ma watch him storm away down the hall. “Don’t let him back here again, please,” I beg Al, “We aren’t on good terms right now. I’m sorry I forgot to tell you.”

“I never liked the kid anyway so that’s fine with me,” Al scoffs. “It’s so good to see you again, Siobhan. It’s been a long time.”

Ma smiles warmly at Al. “I’ll try to come to as many more fights as I’m able,” She assures him.

I grin at Ma, then dig my phone out of my pocket as it begins to buzz repeatedly. It’s Lanie calling, so I take the call. “Hey babe,” I say, making my way back inside the locker room, my voice coming out as an exhausted sigh.

“We’re here,” Lanie chirps from the other end, “Are you okay? You sound miserable.”

“Squid showed up and tried a terrible attempt at an apology,” I grumble, “It’s not important. Where did your parents park?”

“Around the side of the building. We see your truck,” Lanie says. Then she scoffs. “Oh, Squid just emerged from the building.”

“Ugh,” I groan, “Try not to interact with him. I’ll send Al and Ma to come get you all so I can prepare for the fight. I feel like I’ve been completely thrown for a loop now that Squid has shown up unexpectedly.”

“Okay, we’ll wait out here!” Lanie sounds excited about tonight which makes me feel a little better. “I love you.”

My whole body feels like it heats up when I hear her say that. “I love you too,” I say quietly back, smiling to myself. “I love saying that to you. It feels right.”

Lanie chuckles. “I agree. See you soon.”

After hanging up I peek outside the locker room doors. “Hey, can you two go get Lanie and her parents?”

“Of course, lad,” Ma says cheerfully. “Al, will you come with me?”

“Yeah,” Al agrees with a smile. He gestures down the hall. “Down this way, Siobhan. Mell, get yourself ready. We’ll be back.”

I put my earbuds in my ears and put on some loud music, then take out a jump rope so I can warm up for the fight. I jump rope for a bit before deciding to switch to shadow boxing. I’m feeling antsy for tonight’s event since I’ve been on a losing streak and my mother, girlfriend, and girlfriend’s parents are all here to watch me. Ma and Lanie have seen me lose before but I want to show off for Lanie’s parents, and I really want Ma to see me win again before she dies. 

I turn around to grab my water bottle and jump, startled, as I see Lanie leaning against the lockers, her arms crossed with a warm smile on her face. “How long have you been standing there?” I ask, turning off my music and taking my earbuds out.

“Since just before you switched from jump rope to shadow boxing,” Lanie says with a chuckle. She approaches me and I wrap my arms around her, pressing my lips to hers. She hums against my lips before parting, running a hand through my mohawk. She tilts her head curiously. “How do you feel about tonight?” She asks with a small smile. Her eyes search my face as if she’s trying to find the answer before I can say anything.

“Seeing Squid threw me off and I’m afraid of losing in front of your parents,” I admit in a weak tone of voice, running a hand down my face, “I’m having trouble focusing.”

“Put Squid out of your mind,” Lanie says soothingly, squeezing my hands with hers, “He’s not important. You’ll do great tonight.” She kisses me again.

“Speaking of your parents,” I mutter against her lips, trying not to get further distracted by my girlfriend, “Where are yours and Ma?”

Lanie grins. “Al took them to get seated. They got along instantly, and are no doubt talking each others’ ears off right now. Siobhan didn’t want to bother you while you were warming up.”

“But you did?” I tease, raising an eyebrow. Lanie suddenly looks worried despite my teasing tone so I quickly add, “I’m kidding. You coming by before the fight is just what I needed. I love you.”

“Oh,” Lanie breathes a sigh of relief, “Good. I love you too. I should go join them though, to give you the rest of the time to yourself to get ready.” She squeezes my hands one more time and gives me a quick peck on the lips.

I sense she’s still worried that she disturbed me so I pull her to me as we stand in the middle of the locker room and kiss her, hard. “It’s really fine. Please don’t worry, I promise I was joking,” I say earnestly as we part.

Instead of looking worried now, she just looks flustered. “O-okay,” She says breathlessly. “I’ll see you after the fight.”

My opponent and I bounce around in our separate corners as the announcer does his thing, getting in some last minute warm ups. The nerves are hitting hard now that I’m in the ring, the spotlights on me and the guy across from me. His name is Theo Cross and he’s been on a winning streak recently. 

After announcing our names, the referee states the rules to us and we touch gloves real quick out of respect. Then the fight starts. The two of us spend a few minutes feeling each other out, circling with our gloves up and throwing jabs every now and then. There’s about two billion butterflies in my stomach as I try to focus on the fight at hand and not the people watching me in the stands. 

There’s an opening in Theo’s defense at one point which allows me to throw a jab that hits him. I follow it up with a combo of punches, seeing the opportunity to do so, and then move out of the way as he tries to hit me back. Another jab to Theo’s face and he stumbles backwards into the side of the ring. 

Three minutes is up and the bell rings, signaling the end of the first round. I go back to my corner where Al pours some water down my throat and wipes sweat off my face. “You’re doing good, Mell,” he says, a hint of excitement in his voice. I’m feeling excited as well, the nervousness in my body being replaced with the rush that comes from getting in some punches. I haven’t been getting many if any punches in the past few fights so this is an improvement. Maybe I can get back to where I was before I got stuck in this rut. “Keep on your toes.” He rattles off a few more suggestions to me and I nod, getting ready to get back in the ring. “Keep out of the corner as much as you can, don’t let him back you into the corner!” He shouts to me as I get ready for round two.

I get more pumped up as the fight goes on. I’ve been doing really well, managing to move out of the way of most of Theo’s punches. He gets in one or two, clocking me in the eye which hurts and has me seeing stars for a moment but I stagger back and take a deep breath, centering myself quickly enough to get back into the fight. I’ve been punched worse than this during fights so it’s nothing I can’t handle.

Between each round Al has something to say to me about my form or what I can do to improve which I take to heart. His advice is incredibly helpful. There’s another opening in Theo’s defense so I hit him with a combo that leaves him sprawling on the ground.

I stare down at Theo as my heart pounds out of my chest, willing him not to get back up before the referee finishes counting to ten. To my luck he doesn’t. Six rounds in, what feels like a developing black eye, and a knockout later, I’ve won my first fight in a while. The referee holds my gloved hand up and my head spins from all the adrenaline. My mouth hangs open slightly as I try to catch my breath, in complete disbelief that I’ve managed a knockout after the shit time I’ve been having recently. 

I let out a triumphant yell and beat one of my gloves against my chest as the adrenaline rushes through my body, and the crowd goes insane. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. Al is cheering in the corner and I swear I can hear Lanie cheering over the crowd as well but I could just be imagining things. I hope all the noise isn’t hurting Ma’s head too much.

As Al leads me back to the locker room, rambling on about how well I did, I hear someone running down the hall towards us. “Mell!” Lanie yells, and I wheel around to catch her as she practically flies into my arms. I stumble back slightly, laughing. “You were so cool out there!” She gushes. She plants a kiss against my lips.

“Aw man, get a room,” Al groans as I kiss her back, putting her on the ground so I can cup her face in my hands. 

“Don’t worry Al,” I chuckle breathlessly as I pull away from Lanie, my eyes catching hers, “I plan on it.” Lanie’s hands fly to her face, embarrassed. I grin. Not far behind Lanie comes my mother, Mr. Kim and Mrs. Lee. “How’d you like your first fight?” I ask Lanie’s parents eagerly, snaking an arm around Lanie’s waist and pulling her to me. I feel like I’m on top of the world right now. Everything is going my way.

“Eomma kept gasping every time you got hit,” Lanie laughs.

“My hands were over my eyes almost the entire time,” Mrs. Lee says sheepishly, “It was so hard to see that!”

Mr. Kim smiles at me. “That was incredible, Mell,” He says excitedly, “A great first taste of your fighting. Thank you for inviting us.” 

Ma hugs me but stays quiet. I can tell her head is starting to hurt. I give her a worried look. “Are you okay?” I ask her, starting to come back down to earth again after the high of winning begins to wear off. 

“Yes,” Ma says simply. “I’m so proud of you, lad,” She says fondly, and smiles up at me. 

I give my mother another big hug and smile earnestly at her. “Thank you, Ma,” I say. “I just have to get changed and then I can drop you off before heading to Lanie’s place,” I tell her. “I have your meds in the truck if you need any of them.”

“That would be lovely,” Ma says with a sigh, “My head is hurting badly.”

“I’ll take Siobhan out to the truck for the meds if you give me the keys,” Lanie offers, “Eomma and Appa are going to go home so I can walk them out at the same time.”

“Thanks,” I say gratefully. We all enter the locker room and I dig my keys out of my dufflebag, tossing them to Lanie. “I’ll be out soon.” I give her a small kiss on the cheek before she and Ma leave with her parents.

I change into sweatpants and a t-shirt and throw my stuff into my dufflebag as my heart continues to soar, proud of what I accomplished tonight. I was worried for a moment that I’d never win another fight again, but clearly that isn’t the case. I’m so excited. My head is spinning and my heart is racing. I feel great no longer being stuck in that rut.