2

Colin’s Dress

“Have you seen my red lipstick? I swear things only go missing when I need them.” Lillibeth is running around our hotel room half naked trying to look for her make up. 

“No Lil I haven't. Why are you getting ready so early?” 

“Because I have extremely bad luck. Even when I get ready early I end up late. But I can't be late to this, the cute guy who brought our bags up is hosting tonight.”  I roll my eyes as I watch from above my phone screen, her digging through her suitcase… Throwing clothes every which way. As if our hotel room isn’t messy as it is.

“Oh my god.” She whines. “This is going to be the worst night of my life.” 

“Why? Because you wont get laid?” I joke. She takes her blonde and brown head from her suitcase and looks me dead in the eyes. 

“Yes.”

“And where am I in this plan? You know? Because I also sleep here?” I tilt my head. 

Lillibeth giggles walking over to the little wooden desk and grabbing her red book bag off the chair. She damages through it for a while before pulling out a condom and throwing it at me. 

“In Colin’s room obviously.” She rolls her eyes.

I glare at the rubber that lay less than a foot away from me on my bed. As if.

‘I wish’ 

“You know me and Colin aren't like that.” I speak softly. Placing my phone down. My entertainment going towards Lillibeth who is still looking for her lipstick. 

“Not yet anyways. He’s still a teenage boy. He’ll come around. Do you have any lipstick I can wear? Maybe I left it somewhere?” 

“Ew. I don't want to have sex with him. Not now, not ever.” Lies. “ You know I only wear gloss or lip oils.” 

Lillibeth makes a sad face as she comes over to lay next to me. 

“I wish I was as pretty as you so I could do the bare minimum. You wake up beautiful.” She whines. 

“Girl please. We both know you're the pretty friend. Any guys would be lucky to have a psycho like you stalking them.” 

She smiles. “Aw thanks best friend, you too. But seriously I need lipstick.” She sits up, sliding on her crocs before heading towards the door. “I'm going to go ask the other girls, wanna come?” 

I roll onto my back to look at the ceiling. “No, I'm good.” 

I hear the door click then her faint steps. I pat my hand around till I feel the cold metal and hold it up. Even if it's been two years, everyday just feels like I'm farther and farther away from him. I don't want to move on with the slight hope he’ll want me, but I'm wasting my time on waiting. I need to grow up. I sigh. Lifting myself up and turning to face myself in the wall mirror. I sit and stare into my dark brown eyes for a while. Maybe I could use some lipstick. I kick my feet over the bed then walk over to my suitcase and grab my tolitreas before making my way into the bathroom. I hate how the hotel's water pressure is so light. The best showers are when I'm burning hot and the water is hitting me at full force. I glance at Lillibeth’s open packet of razors and stare at them for a while. I don't need to shave anything because I'm not doing anything. Yes. That's right. There is nothing between me and Colin and even if there were I'm not shaving if I don't want to. He should want me regardless. But it doesn't matter because we’re not doing anything. Right. Nothing. Not even holding hands. We barely hold hands so it’s ridiculous that we’d be doing anything but. Even if his hands are soft for a baseball player, and even if they are perfectly clean and manicured. Even if they would fit perfectly around my waist, even if they would feel perfectly nice around my neck-.

I swat my hands and threw the pack of razors in the trash before walking into my cold shower. 

“Atticus?! Are you done yet?! Are my hoops in there?!” 

I get out of my fantasy world and look at my hands and see all the weird little squiggly lines. I must have been in for a while. Oops. I turn off the water before drying off and covering myself. I open the bathroom door and cringe as I feel the cold air hit my bar skin. 

“I don't know.” Lillibeth huffs and walks past me.

“Girl why are you not dressed? We’re leaving in like ten minutes.” I turn toward the bed to see four girls from our class all dressed up. 

“I lost track of time.” I shrug.

“Well you got nine minutes to get ready, we only came for a few things.” Lillibeth says walking out the bathroom while trying to put on her hoops. 

All the girls sit up and walk towards the door.

“Get dressed, we'll see you down there.” Says Bre holding open the door as the girls leave, all waving bye to me. 

All the girls look beautiful. I lean against the bed as I stare at myself in the full body mirror. I know It’s wrong. But I can't help but think at this dinner all the girls will look beautiful. He would rather look at them than look at me. It’s not fair he gets to have fun while I sit here and look at myself differently. Taking all this time to think about him when I know he doesn't spare me a thought. I sigh as I stand to go towards my suitcase. 

It’s not fair. 

I skim through my suitcase before I pick up the skinny black dress and kitten heels and walk back to the mirror and sitting back down. 

If he gets to have fun I will too. 

The dress is perfect. The perfect revenge dress. The perfect dress that shows just enough. Strapless and all black going straight down to flare at the end. He picked out this dress for me for homecoming. The dance we were supposed to go to together before he lied to me, embarrassed me, and stood me up. Just to lie to me after I confronted him. This was Colin’s dress. The dress I never got to wear because I didn't go with him. The dress is beautiful. He told me how good it would look on me. It’s finally time to show him. 

‘If I can't get him to look at me… I can get his friends too. While wearing his dress’ 

I add my gold jewelry before throwing my braids in a loose high bun to show off my collar bone. I stare at myself. 

‘I am the most beautiful girl I have ever seen’ 

And I strongly believe that. 

The hallways are empty and have that classic hotel smell that I for some reason like, like gasoline. I'm going to take my time down there. I'm already late, might as well make it worth it. I look at all the weird paintings of nothingness on the wall while I wait for the elevator. I hope it’s not cold. I hate the cold. 

“Ding.” The elevator’s doors slowly open. 

‘Colin’ Of course the fates would have it we both be late.

We make eye contact as he swiftly looks me up and down. He clears his throat when he looks at the dress and brings his eyes to mine to find me already looking at him and looks away from me. 

I walk straight in and to the opposite side of him. 

‘Mmmmm these buttons in the elevator look real clean. Is that mahogany wood?’

Ignore him. This is my summer. Well more like something like it. I won't let him ruin it. 

I glance over. 

‘But he always looks so nice.’ 

All black. 

‘Just like me. I wonder if he noticed the dress.’

His dress pants are ironed and fit his long legs nicely. His dress shoes are polished and tied perfectly. His black button up shirt is buttoned all the way up. 

‘Sadly’ 

But I find it cute. 

‘Even his jewelry’ 

A nice gold watch on his wrist. The perfect couple we’d be. If only he wasn't so blind to see it. 

He looks so sexy leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets, head thrown back and leaning against the dark wood wall. 

This is the most awkward ride of my life. Why are elevators so slow? 

I peer down at my black kitten heels. 

Maybe this was a mistake. What if tonight was the night he was going to confess his love for me but I chose to mess around? I should wait one more day till I decide to try to move on. Even if he did lie, he had no reason to lie about his feelings for me. He told me fair and square he didn't like me. Told all his friends. But if that’s what he felt, why did he say the other things? Why does he look at me the way he does?  I can't keep my life on pause for something I fear might never happen. 

“Ding” 

I look at him. I love that way his dark brown eyes stand out against his pale skin. 

He nods his head and as I walk out, he walks behind me. 

“Finally you two, we don't have all night. I gave direct instructions to not be late.” Dr.Martin said. Waving her hand to get us out of the hotel faster. 

I got all this dressed up just for us to ride on an ugly bus… 

I am glowing. Literally. The body lotion Lillibeth gave me makes me appear as if I am a god. As we walk past a window I can't help but stare at myself in the window. 

“Damn girl, we know you look good.” Lillibeth comes up behind me and wraps her arm around my waist. 

“Let's make a bet.” She smiles

“Oh?” 

“I bet you $50 I can walk out of here with an older man.” 

“Girl what? No, that's not ok.” I laugh, knocking her arm from around me. 

“Just kidding.” She rolls her eyes. No she's not. 

“But honestly though. If I can walk out of here with a man you owe me.” 

“ No. I know for a fact the moment we walk through those doors every man will want you. I know I'll lose.”

She kisses my cheek, “ Aw, Atticus your so sweet” 

“Just don't bring them back to our room.” 

She lets go of me to get a head start on the entrance. She turns and blows me a kiss. “Of course love.” 

The restaurant is nice. With open walls and live music with a dance floor  and with a straw roof. The dance floor has a good view of the ocean. 

‘The perfect place for a kiss’

No. This is going to be my night. No Colin, No nothing. 

“Ok! We have these 10 tables. Please don't act a fool. Leave the area how you found it!”

The scenery is nice and makes me feel good with all the warm colors plus the sound of the ocean. 

“I'm sitting by the ocean.” I make my way to the farthest of our tables sitting at the end. 

“Oh, Good idea.” 

The table is already made for us with a dark orange tablecloth and plates. 

Lillibeth sits to the left of me with a sad face. “ Who picked catfish and chicken dumpling soup for our…. What do they call it?” I'm sitting at the end. 

“Ontrays?” 

“Yes. Those!.” 

“Look on the bright side.” I pick up the menu and flip to the dessert. 

“They have… mango bread pudding. Doesn't that sound… fun.”  

“Hey Colin! Let's sit by the fire.” The boys sit closest to the dance floor that was light orange due to the torches surrounding it. 

‘The orange looks so good, reflecting off him. I love seeing him so dressed up’ 

No. No Colin. Just me.  

As if he can hear my thoughts he glances at me. More like the dress. 

‘And those beautiful bark, brown eyes, and freckles. His glasses fit him so well.’ 

“ He looks good tonight.” 

Lillibeth grins at me obviously eyeing him up and down. 

“Don't say that. He looks bad. He should have keeped his glasses in the hotel room. And wearing all black was a daring move for him.” I turn to look back at the menu. 

Lilibeth shrugs. “I think he looks like spongebob.” I hit her arm. 

“Don't say that about him.” She rolls her eyes. 

“Right.” 

Bre, who is sitting on my right, leans into us. 

“You’re still not over that boy? It’s been like what? Three years? Girl feast your eyes on someone new. He’s so ugly.” Bre is twirling her black and blond hair as she eyes one of the three brown boys sitting across the room. 

Lillibeth turns to look where Bre is looking.

“Wow. Look at them. Oh my god they're looking over here.” She giggles, turning her head away to smile at me. 

“Look at the guy on the right. Purple shirt.” 

I smoothly lean back to look at the three boys who were in fact looking at us. The one in purple wasn't too bad. He has really curly brown hair that reaches his shoulders and fair olive skin.

He looks at me and smiles. 

“I guess so.” I lean back into our little bubble. 

“You guess so? Be real here Atticus. Colin’s a sad 15 year old who-” 

“A sad rich 15 year old.” I add. 

“Who doesn't even like you back.” She finishes . Leaning back in her chair to stare at me. 

“Opp.” Lillibeth says, moving to hide herself behind her menu. 

“ He’s getting there. He just needs more time.” 

“More time? Time for what? Girl, you're a hot and sexy 17 year old.” 

“I don't turn 17 till august i'm still 16.” I but in. 

“And you’re worrying about a child.” 

“Don't call him a child that makes her sound weird.” Lillibeth says Cluelessly. Putting her menu down to start playing with the silver wear.

“Thank you Lilli for helping me. See Atticus? Liking Colin makes you look weird. You’re embarrassing yourself. Stand up girl.” She stands. 

“I'm going to the restroom.” She walks away making sure to sway her hips when she walkes past the 3 boys. 

What Bre said hurt. Bad. I know it’s true. I feel embarrassed for myself. I would alway hear about those girls. The ones who let their boyfriend cheat and abuse them. I judged them and called them weak. I just couldn't understand how someone, a woman, could let a man treat her like that. But now I understand. I would do anything for him, let him do anything to me. The feeling he gives me makes me feel alive. 

“I think you and Colin would look good together. Like Harry and Hermione.” 

“Harry and Herminoe didn't end up together.” I whisper. 

“Oh.” She trails off and goes back to checking out one of the three boys. 

Colin. I play with the orange table cloth. It’s embarrassing. Lie after lie. I have the strong urge to cry. 

But I am done crying over him.

I spend all this time thinking about him knowing he doesn't think about me. I shouldn't have defended him. He didn't deserve it. 

The dinner was nice. I was worried about it being buffet style but no one was too messy or unfair. Most importantly no one mentioned Colin. 

“I'm bored. Do you think Dr.Matrin would be mad if I took off my dress and ran into the ocean?” 

I nod my head. My mouth full of bread pudding. 

“ I'm bored too. Let's go dance. The boy with the man bun is definitely checking me out.” 

Lillibeth looks at the three boys. “Oooo yes. This outfit is way too cute to just be sitting here. Atticus watch our stuff?” 

I sit my fork down shaking my head. “No. I'll go to.” I say as I'm getting out of my chair and  reapplying lip gloss. 

“Yes girl! Get out and have fun. Rebound!” Lillibeth yells. 

I roll my eyes. 

“Wait. We need to think about this. Do we approach them or…..?” 

I start walking toward the warm colored dance floor with dark lights dancing all over. 

“Let's just dance with each other till they approach us.” 

As we walk past Colin’s table I feel my heart speed up. 

I hope he sees me. I hope he see’s that I'm over him and comes back to me.

The click from my black kitten heels feel overly loud in my ear. But I feel excited. I haven't felt this alive in weeks. 

Think she'll have fun?