Colin knows his family loves him. Knows his sister loves him. But it hurts knowing he can’t live up to his parents expectations. Not like Haddem can at least. Growing up  she was alway the star. Everyone loves her. Don’t think of it the wrong way, Colin loves Haddem, but it kills him knowing she;ll alway be picked over him. When they were younger, it was Haddems 15th birthday and they went to mini golf with her friends. All her friends made fun of him, called him slow and weird. Loudly complained about his presents. 

With Atticus he never feels left out. She’s always smiling at him and talking to him, even when he doesn’t want it. Having her gone his 8th grade year was lonely for him. Freshman year he was excited to see her. He’d gone through puberty and grew taller, fuller. His thoughts changed and he allowed himself to only think of her at night. He could only imagine what high school Atticus would look like. She didn’t disappoint him. He hadn’t seen her in a year, yet there she was. She looked older. Lashes longer and her skin glowed in the warm lighting. But even still he wasn't ready. There were lots of pretty girls in high school. He allowed himself to explore mentally with them, but his body always went back to her. He couldn’t deny his sexual attraction anymore. 

But he fucked up. Again. He didn’t want to go to homecoming with her. It was his first year of high school, he wanted to have fun. Not be tied down to a woman. His friends planned to go to this after party and he was excited. His first party. 

His parents found out and banned him from going. 

He thought in a way he did Atticus a favor saying no. She ended up going with some football player and He watched as they danced. A side of her he’s never seen before. She was wild and grinding on him. He had no problem lying to her and complaining to his friends. He just didn’t think Atticus would find out. He didn't think he’d care if she did. But he felt like shit. He ignored her. Not wanting to catch real feelings. But she was so precestant. Annoying. He liked it. Having her attention. She had his. He stared at her everywhere she went.

He never thought all that would lead to this. Atticus wants him. And in a way… He wants her back.

‘The way she makes me feel is different. Bubbly? I don't know… It’s fucking weird. But I like it. I like her. Deep down I alway have’ 

‘I realize that now.’ Colin thinks. Getting up and walking. Walking till he finds her standing in front of the jellyfish.

‘In her pretty blue dress.’ If there is one thing Colin likes about Atticus it’s her dresses. She rarely wore anything else. But Colin’s never seen her in a blue one. It is a nice baby blue. Floral. She pairs it with a knitted jacket and white heels. Atticus always wears heels.

‘But she’s never as tall as me.’

Colin likes her hair. On this trip it is long and braided with curls at the end. While she was sleeping he ran his fingers through those very braids. He licked her neck and rubbed her thighs. Part of him knew it was wrong, scared that if she'd wake up she'd be mad at him. But he couldn’t contain himself. His composure slipping each day. Rubbing his fingers against her skin was only the surface of what his mind had brewed that night. She smelled like Vaseline and shea butter. Like she’d came from the earth. Smooth and golden in the warm light of the lamp he had turned on. In truth Colin was the one who took off her scarf and bonnet.

‘They were falling off anyways.’

Last night was surreal, Colin has imagined that night time and time again. Even when he was young, his immature mind took over on rare nights. But he never imagined it would feel that good. The soft touch of her lips on his lips and on his…

Colin groans, making sure to minimize it so she doesn't hear. He pulls his shorts down to help get rid of the tightness in his pants. Even when they weren't talking, Attcus never failed to leave an impression on his body. Walking around school in her mini skirts and tight shirts. He couldn't help but stare, everyone did.

‘It pisses me off’

Although Atticus was never his.

‘She is now’

Colin liked watching her sleep. She was peaceful. You’d think she was dead. But Colin put his hand on her chest. Felt the rise and fall of her heart. Going as far to unbutton her shirt and just stare. Wondering if they'd float in water.

‘She’s beautiful.’

Colin knew no matter how things ended up turning out to be after this trip, he would always think of her as beautiful. 

He watches her some more, he likes the way the blue water reflects off her long legs, dark and smooth. Just staring at them makes his mind slip. His fingertips tingling as he remembers the feel of her thighs. Slick from the oil and sweat. He could think of a million things to do with those legs. In the air, around his waist, around his neck.

He swallows, imagining it. The shivering, the sound of her voice, the taste. 

 If only she hadn’t stopped him. 

‘It pisses me off knowing she fucks so many other guys, yet she wont even let me touch her. I tried my best to act like I knew what I was doing.’

If he’d had more confidence the whole night would've been different. Granted he got more than what he thought he would, but he can only imagine what would’ve happened if he wasn’t scared. The moment she sat on his lap he imagined turning her over, arms sprayed out above her head, and biting her neck; he's always seen that in porn videos. Then the girl would fake moan. But Atti’s were real. Whispered and charised. He wondered what a beauty she’d be laying under him. Laying out for him to take. Maybe if he’d asked for it, she would’ve given it. Giving him that look.

‘That fucking look.’

The first time he saw it he thought it was a mistake. His mouth went dry and he felt uncomfortable. 

The second time it was no mistake, She tilted her head and looked up at him as she passed him in the hallway. Her friends giggling next to her.

Then the third, she was staring up at him in her swimsuit between his legs. That awful night. 

He never thought he would act on his intimate thoughts of her. Especially after that night. Atticus has never screamed at Colin. Sure he’s made her mad but Colin never thought she had the ability to hold him accountable for his actions. Maybe that’s why he played her so much. Because he knew he could. Atticus always came to his rescue. And the only thing he did in return is call her a self centered bitch. 

‘It’s not like I said it to her face. But knowing she has that idea of me makes me sick’

He looks at her a little longer.

‘Next time though, if I get one, I won't be scared.’He takes a deep breath. Relaxing his body.

Colin silently comes up behind her. Hugging her from behind, resting his head on her white headband. He feels her tense before slowly relaxing against him as he wraps his arms around her. They watch the jellyfish in silence.

“Colin.” He loves the way she says his name. Like a song. He especially likes it when she moans it-.

‘No. I can’t get a boner here.’ 

But he can’t stop thinking about it. Her head thrown back, mouth open. The only name on her tongue being his.

“Colin?” She says again. 

“Atticus. How long have you been here alone?” Colin doesn’t like the idea of her by herself.

“Not long. Lillibeth went off somewhere.” Colin hummus against her. Watching the jellyfish.

“What are you thinking about?” Colin feels her move against him.

“Hm?” Colin looks down to find her looking up at him.

“You always have that bored look on your face.”

‘What’s wrong with my face?’ He thinks.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She laughs. She moves away from him. Grabbing his hand. 

“Are we just going to sit here and watch jellyfish? I want to see everything.”

‘We aren’t sitting, we’re standing.’ But he doesn’t say this out loud.

“Lead the way.” He nods.

‘I’ll follow you anywhere.’

Still holding his hand she leads that way. Colin remembers the first time he held her hand. It was warm and soft. But he was nervous. His palms were sweaty and he feared she would think he was weird. When his sister asked about her after the homecoming dance he told her how nervous he was. How his nervousness led to him being uncomfortable. He felt uncomfortable watching her dance with another guy. He let this anger out in crul words she shouldn’t have said. Colin wished it was him. Dancing with her, touching her the way he was. But at that time Colin didn't even have the courage to hold her hand. 

But now all he could think about was touching her. He now knows that if he touches her in all the right places she'd sing for him. 

She leads them to a big area. The petting station. Colin lets go of her hand to wash his hands. She lingers behind him.

“Aren’t you going to wash?” He asks.

She shakes her head, pulling her jacket closer to her as if protecting herself. Her glossed lips pouting. 

‘I want to kiss her.’

“I don’t want to touch them.”

‘Omg she’s scared’ Colin smiles on the inside.

“They won’t bite.” He humors her. She glares.

“Don’t care.”

Colin laughs. 

“At least touch those things.” Colin points to the little booth with mysterious feelings. You blindly place your hand to the bottom that’s supposed to feel like some type of skin.

Fear strikes her face.

“Hell no. Some kid probably peed in there.”

Colin laughs harder. He can’t believe such a fierce girl could be scared of fish.

“I’m happy to see you find this funny Carter.”

“Oh I do.” Colin walks over to the starfish tank first. 

“Two fingers.” The instructor says.

Atticus follows behind him. 

“What does it feel like?” She asks as she watches him feel it. 

“Maybe if you’d touch it yourself you’d know.”

“You think you're funny.”

“I think you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared of anything.”

“Then put your hand in.”

“No.” She quickly walks away from him. He watches her braids sway as she goes, till he realizes she’s not stopping.

“Atticus?” She doesn’t stop.

“Atticus!?” He quickly takes his hand out of the water. Wiping it on his shirt as he goes after her. Once he finally catches up he sees the smile on her face.

“Really?” He asks.

“Really.” 

The next area is full of children. With a big playground aquarium. Kids terrify Colin. They’re so small and fragile. Plus they don’t really like him. Every time he holds a baby it ends up crying. But lucky for him Atticus walks past it, to the corner. It’s a little display. A rotating cylinder to lay on. Above it being a bunch of sea glass sculptures. Atticus quickly goes to lay down. Colin follows, being careful to move her hair before laying down next to her. Colin relaxes as he watches the shapes.

‘Why do I feel as if I’m being hypnotized...?’ He thinks.

But he’s quickly out of it as he feels Atticus move beside him. He watches as she brings out her phone. Taking a picture of the display then of herself. Colin moves his head closer to hers. Looking up at the screen. Colin doesn’t like pictures but what if she was planning to send it to somebody?

‘Is she texting other boys? I hear all the rumors about her…’

Atticus smiles at him through the camera smiling as she takes the picture. She rolls her eyes.

“Smile Colin.”

Colin awkwardly smiles.

‘So fucking ugly. Nothing compared to her’s.’

The day Atticus got her braces off, Colin’s mind had a field day.

She takes the picture before frowning. She moves closer to him. Turning around whispering in his ear.

“You look handsome today.” She says honestly. Colin smiles. A real smile. Turning to her. His heart swells up and he can’t help the warmth that fills his body.

She takes the picture.

“Aw look at the lovebirds. I hope you both get hit by a car.” Colin sits up to find Lillibeth and Bre. A dangerous pair. Bre might scare Colin. But he knows not to mess with Lillibeth. You’d be a fool to mess with a girl like her. She takes mean girls to a whole new level. Don’t let her hippy style and crystals fool you. Colin’s 99% sure she does voodoo magic. 

“Not if I hit you first.” Atticus says. Getting up and hugging them. She whispers something but Colin doesn’t hear. He watches the three. The most well known girls in school. The mean girls. Atticus being the main one. Even though no one really messed with Colin because of them he knows what they do to others. Mostly Lillibeth. She’s the one that actually gets her hands dirty. If Colin was correct she was gone half the school year for fights. She got caught smoking 4 times and got caught having sex in the teachers lounge… With 7 different guys. No one recovered after getting on Lillibeth’s bad side. The only reason she isn't expelled is because her parents pay the school too much money. She’s loud and rude. And apparently she sent some guys nudes around because she found out he cheated on her with her friend.She threw said friend down the school stairs. Despite her craziness being known, guys still line up to be with her. The moment Colin met her, he knew she was crazy.

Bre is good with words. She’s the top rank of JROTC and is known as their “princess”. Whatever that meant. She’s the shortest of the three, but the loudest. She’s first chair and takes pride in it. Colin doesn’t know much of Bre. But knows she can tear him to pieces with a simple snap of  her fingers. And start a rumor like wildfire. The biggest gossiper you’d ever meet. Plus the boys in JROTC are like her own personal army. It’s fucking creepy.

Then there was Atticus. Atticus Otha. The queen. All the girls hated her and boys wanted her. She’s the it girl. She never has any consequences for hurting people because Bre and Lillibeth do everything for her. If there was one world to describe Atticus Otha it would be beautiful. Perfect height, skin, fake adoration. Her parents are rich. She never had to work a day in her life. Everything she wants she gets. Well as far as Colin knows.

And then there’s Colin. The boy her 14 year self decided was hers.

“Come on Colin.” Atticus waves him over. A big smile on her face. Colin quickly gets up. Walking close behind her as they walk to the next area. Bre watches him but doesn’t say anything. 

Jayden and Mathew quickly find them and Colin immediately feels out of place. He watches as they joke around. He wishes he could have his friends around right now. Despite their reputations they are loyal to each other. 

“Shit we gotta go. It’s almost time to leave.” Mathew says. They make a quick way to the gift shop where a lot of their classmates are waiting. He watches Atticus wonder from the group looking at the souvenirs. Colin comes up beside her.

“You want one?” He asks.

Atticus holds a glass dolphin. Looking at the price.

“Hell no. I’m not spending $20 on a keychain.”

“Who says you’re paying?” Colin says. 

Atticus turns to look at Colin like she couldn’t believe what he just said.

“No.” She states.

“Why?”

“I don’t want you to buy me things.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“That’s not a reason.”

“Colin-“ She glares at him. Walking off towards the doors as the bus pulls up. Colin waits till she’s outside. Taking the keychain and purchasing it.