Kristy stood at her second funeral in two months. She was numb inside. She couldn’t believe this was happening. The two most important men in her life had both been taken from her in such a small amount of time.

She had to be strong. Or at least fake it.

Gram needed her more than ever now.

Kristy stood between Ariana and Claire and held each of their hands. Jordan stood behind them with his hands clasped in front of him. The funeral was so much like her grandfather’s. The soldiers folded the flag neatly, but this time the officer knelt in front of Kristy and handed her Alex’s flag. Before the guns started firing, she closed her eyes and braced herself as if she was preparing to stand in front of the firing squad. If it would have brought Alex back, she would have. The first shots cracked the air. Kristy flinched. As the shots rang out, Kristy stared off into the distance, staring at nothing. As each shot pierced the air, the pain of such a tremendous loss ripped through Kristy, tearing at her very being.

When it was finally quiet, Kristy stared at the urn in front of her. He was really gone. Inside the urn was all that was left of her brother’s body. He had stepped on a roadside bomb and the remains were only identifiable by his dog tags and pieces of his uniform. They sent her a box of bone pieces and she and Claire decided to have them cremated. His dog tags hung around the top of the urn and there was a large picture of him next to it so his loved ones could see his face one last time.

When the crowd started to thin, Kristy spotted Cam moving toward her. The moisture was evident around his red-rimmed eyes.

“Thanks for coming.”

“Of course I came.” He reached out and hugged each of them. “I’m so sorry for both of you.” They looked around to see only a few people left lingering at the gravesite. “Do you need any help cleaning up?”

“No. Thanks. We’ve got it.” Kristy fought to keep herself together. “Come on, Gram. It’s time to go.”

Cam helped her get Claire into the car. When she was in and Kristy had closed the passenger door, she walked around to the other side. Cam put a hand on her arm and stopped her.

“If you need anything,”

“Thank you.” She tried to move away, but he stopped her again.

“Kristy,” His blue eyes searched hers. “I mean it.”

The sincerity in his voice took her by surprise and she could feel the pressure of the newest tears trying to break through. She swallowed quickly, forcing them back.

“Thanks.” She nodded. “Really, I appreciate it.” She pulled away and climbed in behind the steering wheel, and left him standing behind the car as she drove away. She didn’t want him to see her fall apart.

When Kristy got home she dropped her stuff on the floor and drug herself to the futon in the living room. She sat in the silence with her brother’s flag in her lap and the floodgates opened. All of the pent up grief and anger of the last week flowed like a raging river out of Kristy. Alex was too young to be gone. It wasn’t fair. She ran her hands over his flag and thought of all of the things he would never see; never get to do. All of the conversations they would never have. Misery had consumed her entire world. She couldn’t even imagine a tomorrow without knowing her brother was out there somewhere. No one was there to see her, so Kristy let everything go until she had nothing left inside. She was an empty shell. Hollow and devoid of any feeling at all.

When the river finally ran dry and she was able to breathe evenly, Kristy looked to the flag again. She ran her hand over the red, white, and blue; her fingers grazing the rough stitches and smooth fabric. Pride swelled in her chest for the price her brother had paid. She thought of the St. Christopher locket in her grandfather’s trunk in the bedroom. She wasn’t a superstitious person, but maybe if he’d had it with him…

Kristy shook the thought away and set the flag on her table. She retrieved the locket and tucked it into the fold of her brother’s flag. She put the flag in its stand and cleared a spot for it on a shelf above her TV next to the flag they were given at their father’s funeral. When she stood back and looked at them side by side, she imagined them standing that way now, wherever they were. The thought brought her some peace, and she managed a slight smile.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at her door. Who could that be? She wasn’t expecting anyone. She peered through the peephole and saw Jordan standing patiently on the other side.

“Hi,” She took a deep breath and smoothed her hair, quickly trying to pull herself together.

“Hey. I thought you might need a friend.”

Kristy opened the door wider so he could come in. “Thanks.” She followed him into her small living room. Her eyes were still red from the tears she’d cried just a few minutes before he arrived.

“You doing okay?”

The simple question was enough to trigger her emotions and she could feel the pressure building behind her cheeks; the burning sensation in the tip of her nose. She took short, shallow breaths and her lip quivered. “No.” She choked out.

“Hey, come here.” He opened his arms and walked toward her.

Kristy took a step toward Jordan and let her body droop against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and shifted his weight from one foot to the other, gently rocking her.

“I miss him so much…” She sniffled against him. The sound of his heartbeat was constant and soothing.

“Shh. I know.” Jordan kissed her head and continued to hold her. Kristy was so tired of being strong. It was nice to have someone there to lean on. She buried her face in his t-shirt and soaked up the comfortable silence that surrounded them. Soon, her breathing matched the beating of his heart and she pulled away. He followed her to the futon.

“Do you need anything?” He sat down and turned his body toward her. Kristy was curled up in the corner with her feet tucked underneath her.

“Not really. No.”

“Do you want to go somewhere? Have you eaten? I can make you something.”

“No,” She shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”

Unconvinced, Jordan loosely draped his arm around her shoulder. “Who was the blonde guy that you were talking to before you left today?”

“Cam. He’s been my brother’s best friend since high school, but we never really got along. He was always getting Alex into trouble.”

Jordan chuckled. “You say that like Alex had no choice in the matter.”

“It’s not that. He was just as much of a dumbass as Cam. I just always felt like Cam was the bigger, badder influence.” She shrugged and leaned into him. After a few more minutes of comfortable silence, he pointed to her foot.

“What’s this?” He ran one finger over two dainty tattoos on the top of her foot. One was a capital M with the tail of a shooting star coming off of it. The other was the end of a bullet with the initials ‘JP’ on it.

“Oh, that’s for my mom and dad.” She lifted her foot to him. “The ‘M’ is for Madeline, my mom. She disappeared when I was eight. We never found her. She’s a shooting star because she was here, and then, just like that, she was gone. I have no idea where she is. She could be dead, alive, a showgirl in Vegas, I have no idea. The bullet is for my dad. He left the Army when my mom disappeared, but he died a few years later. Fell off a roof at work…” Her voice trailed off momentarily. “He loved being a soldier, and I’m told he was an expert marksman, so the bullet seemed fitting. I have to get something for Granddad, and now for Alex too, I guess.” She went silent as she thought about how she would choose to memorialize her brother. As the images flashed through her mind, her eyes got heavy. She rubbed her eye with the heel of her hand. “I’m really tired. I need to go to bed. You don’t have to stay.”

“What if I want to?”

Kristy pulled her eyes away from him and felt her cheeks heat up.

“Sorry. That was cheesy. Come on. Let’s get you in bed.” Jordan took her hand and pulled her up off the couch. He led her down the hallway to her room. When they entered her room she let go of his hand and walked around to the lamp beside her bed. She turned it on and returned to where he was standing.

“Sorry I’m not very good company.” She gave him an apologetic smile.

“Shh. It’s okay.” Jordan put his finger to her lips to silence her. Kristy’s cheeks still had evidence of fresh tears on them and he slowly lifted his hand and wiped away the fallen tears from earlier. He gently placed his other hand on her hip. Kristy moved in to hug him, but he surprised her by bringing his lips down to meet hers. It startled Kristy, and she turned her face away and took a small step back.

“No. Mm-mm.” Kristy shook her head back and forth. “This can’t happen. At least not today. Too much has happened; my emotions are all over. I’m attracted to you. I really am, I just… I can’t right now.” She swallowed and waited for his response.

He smiled and looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry. I should have known this was bad timing. I’m so bad at this.” He laughed nervously and covered his face with one hand. “Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Of course.” She walked him to the door where she hugged him once more and he kissed her forehead.

She lay down in bed and switched off the bedside lamp. Each time she closed her eyes, they popped right back open. Images of her brother flooded her. Memories from their childhood to when she’d seen him just a month ago ran through her mind like a movie reel reminding her of what she would never have again. She would never see his smile; never hear another one of his stupid jokes. He would never again trade her the twenty-five Snickers he’d gotten on Halloween for her three Twizzlers, or stalk her boyfriend just to make sure he wasn’t on the Most Wanted list. He was her hero, her protector, and he was gone.

A tear formed in the corner of her eye. And then another. And another. They fell across the bridge of her nose, across her cheek and onto her pillow, forming a wet circle against the side of her face until she was able to find sleep.

* * *

Kristy forced her eyes to open. She heard her front door bang closed and the thump of on oversized purse hit the floor. She reached for her phone and saw that it was just passed 10:00 AM.

“Morning sunshine.” Ariana was leaned against the doorjamb into her bedroom.

“What are you doing here?” Kristy curled into a ball and pulled the covers over her face.

“Dragging you back to the real world. It’s not even early. Get your ass up.” Ariana grabbed the blanket and ripped it off Kristy. Kristy hung her arms over her face to shield her eyes from the light.

“I’m tired.”

“That’s cuz you’ve been in this room for a week.” Ariana held a paper cup close to Kristy’s face. She waved it back and forth in front of her, allowing the sweet aroma to drift into Kristy’s nose.

Kristy drug her arms away from her face to see the cup. “Is that a…”

“Caramel mocha. Just for you. Get outta bed.” She demanded

Kristy pulled on some pajama pants and a t-shirt. “I love you.” She took a long sip. The hot liquid instantly warmed her whole body.

“Yeah, yeah. Love you too.”

“I thought you had to work today?” Kristy shuffled into the living room behind Ariana.

“Not for another hour. I’m just covering the first part of someone’s shift.” Ariana sucked the last of her own coffee out of the cup. “Got anything planned today?”

Kristy sipped her coffee and shook her head. “No. I’ve been off all week. I should probably-“

“No!” Ariana held one finger out at Kristy. “No working. This is your time off to do something for you. I’m serious. I’ll confiscate your laptop.” Kristy looked at the floor and chuckled. Ariana leaned in and spoke softer than usual. “You know you’d love a hot bath.”

“I would.” Admitted Kristy. “And I have a book.”

“Good. See? A good bubble bath, read a book, take a walk, smile. Let’s go out tonight when I get off.” Ariana’s wide smile was contagious and Kristy rewarded it with her own, but quickly retracted it and looked toward the floor. “Come on,” Ariana leaned in close to Kristy’s face. “It doesn’t make you a bad person to keep on living. Alex would want you to.”

Kristy closed her eyes and sighed. Ariana was right again. She felt somehow that letting herself smile would be like showing the world she didn’t miss Alex; like she was over the death of her big brother. It was irrational, and Kristy knew it.

“I know he would.” Kristy breathed. “Okay. But nothing wild.”

“That’s it.” Ariana hugged her. “Nothing wild, I promise. I gotta run.” She swung her giant purse over her arm and headed for the door. “Love you.” She waved and pulled the door closed behind her.

Kristy took another pull off her coffee cup and then headed for the bathroom. Before she could turn the faucet in the tub, her cell phone rang. It was Ariana.

“What’d you forget?” Kristy asked instantly.

“You expecting someone? There’s a guy at your door.” Ariana’s voice was sharp and suspicious.

Before Kristy could respond, she heard three loud thumps on her door. “No…” She mumbled and peered out the side window.

“Well he’s rude. Bumped into me and looked at me like it was my fault. You want me to come back in?”

“No. You’ll be late for work.”

“I could rough him up for you.”

Kristy let out her first real laugh in days. “Oh yeah? Like a Chihuahua on a Polar bear?”

“I’m just sayin’.” Ariana huffed.

Kristy hung up and opened the door and eyed the man cautiously. He was tall, dark, and broad shoulder. His face was hard. So hard, it almost seemed difficult for him to crack the grimmest of smiles as she greeted him. “Can I help you?”

“Hello. Are you…” He looked at the piece of paper he had in his hand, “Kristy Pierce?” His voice was deep and slightly menacing. His eyes seemed to bore holes in her. The feeling was unsettling.

“Yes. What can I do for you?” She noticed the man was wearing an Army t-shirt. A knot formed in her stomach and she knew instantly that this was about Alex.

“I heard about your brother, Alex. I’m sorry.” He said before he extended his hand to her. “I’m Logan. I knew him. We were sent to Afghanistan together last year.”

“Oh, uh, thank you…” There was an awkward silence as she shook his hand. She didn’t know what else to say.

“You’re probably wondering why I’m here.”