Okay, so, I think I’ve been transported into… a dating sim. An otome game, if you will.
Let me explain.
My name is Aria Winthrop, and I’m a sophomore in college. Rather, I was. My memory is still fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure, on my way home from class the other day, I got hit by the campus bus!? I know, I know, I’ve read all the isekai manga and webcomics—talk about cliché! When my fucking cranium smacked back against the pavement, the thought at the forefront of my mind was: ‘Free-tuition, here I come!’ Not, ‘Oh, golly gee, I sure hope I get transported into a fake universe surrounded by one-dimensional cartoon characters~’
What. The. Heck.
I knew something was off the second I woke up. The cartoon-style is hard to overlook, for one, and for another, the things that pass as normal around here…
I’m getting ahead of myself! I should start at the beginning.
I woke up to a pounding headache and the sort of morning breath that lets you know you slept really well. I flinched as sunlight assaulted my sensitive retinas, and then I realized, why the fuck am I seeing sunlight? I have a cruddy dorm room with posters and failed exams plastered to the windows in lieu of window blinds—sunlight cascading gently on my face every morning is not in abundance.
When I managed to pry my sleep-encrusted eyes open, it was to find the inside of a hospital room. Kind of. Things looked… weird, but I had the distinct impression I was in a hospital room.
Listen. I’ll be real with you. Anime is cool and all in 2D, but when the world around you is entirely stylized, it’s a little… headache-inducing. There were no mirrors in my room, but judging by what I could see of myself (my hands), I was similarly stylized. If I held my hand further from my face, it looked like a classic hastily-drawn hand, and when I brought it closer to my face, the smaller details appeared. It was bizarre. My wrists were tiny, thanks to cartoon-anatomy. I was half-dreading the moment when I’d finally get to look at myself in a mirror.
At this point, I didn’t know I was in an otome game. I figured, ‘Hey, you hit your head pretty hard. Don’t freak out. Just wait a while and see what happens since you don’t seem to be in any immediate danger.’ So, I waited. And waited. Got bored and snooped around the room a bit—judging by the doctor tools in the drawers and cabinets (do I look like a fucking med student? I don’t know what all this shit is called), this was definitely a hospital, or at least a doctor’s office of some kind. Took a nap. Woke up. Waited some more.
Finally, whatever God(s) that existed in this universe must have taken pity on my soul because the doctor arrived! I’d say I was relieved to see her, except, in typical anime fashion, I had no idea how old this woman was. She had a generic face! And glasses. Her hair was in a bun. There wasn’t a wrinkle in sight. Was she 20? 43? I couldn’t. Fuckin. Tell ya.
“Miss Arin,” said the doctor in greeting. She smiled at me coolly, and I smiled back reflexively. When she looked down at her clipboard, HER GLASSES DID THE THING! The anime thing. You know what I’m talking about. They flashed brightly (despite??? No sunlight shining in her direction??? Where was this lighting coming from??) and I couldn’t see her eyes for a second. Because of the flash, I couldn’t discern her expression when she was looking through my charts(?), but I got the feeling she wasn’t happy with what she saw there, which worried me.
“Where am I?” I asked, because I may be scared of making doctors’ appointments in the real world (Yeah, I’m a 20-year-old grown woman. Your point?), but in this world, wherever/whatever it was, I didn’t feel as intimidated. Maybe it was the cartoonish style, but for some reason, I was keenly aware that this woman was little more than a character. She wasn’t real.
I figured I was having some crazy dream while in the hospital in the real world. I got hit by a bus, after all. I’m either drugged out of my mind in the emergency room, or… I’m dying? Maybe I’m experiencing some post-death dream? Or—oh, fuck—even worse… Is this the afterlife? A shitty anime? Or is this my afterlife? A punishment for watching too much anime while I was alive? Who knew God would anime-shame? Listen; of all the sins I've committed in my life, watching a little hentai should've been the least of His problems with me!
The doctor looked up from her clipboard and frowned at me a little in concern, or perhaps confusion. “Why don’t you tell me all that you remember, Arin Windthrow.”
‘My name is somewhat similar’, I acknowledged internally. Aloud, I said: “I don’t remember… anything. I mean--” I pursed my lips in thought, acknowledging that maybe asking her ‘Is this an anime?’ would not be the best course of action. Not unless I wanted her to dub me clinically insane. “I can remember my name, my age, my language, et cetera. But, I don’t remember your name, Doc. Sorry.” I offered her a sheepish smile. “I don’t know where I am, either. Or, why am I here? Did I get hurt? Do I… live around here?”
The doctor narrowed her eyes at me. “Retrograde amnesia?” she muttered, but the way she said it was… skeptical. Her gaze was unimpressed.
What, was she upset I didn’t recognize her? Put on a damn name-tag, then! What kind of hospital are you running here!?
“It seems you have miraculously forgotten all of the important information,” the doctor drawled, leaning back on a nearby desk.
Her uniform was the iconic Doctor Uniform for all anime, down to the stethoscope hanging from her neck (Yes, I at least know the word ‘stethoscope’, fuck you too).
“You are a criminal. A wanted woman,” continued the doctor, her expression grim, and as my face paled, surely I didn’t imagine the cruel twist of amusement to her smile!? “You owe a million to the Crown, and therefore surely cannot afford your stay here either.” The doctor stalked forward, fury twisting her features. “Yet, penniless as you are, you still dare to get injured by a vegetable carts?”
I was in this hospital because... I got hit by... a vegetable cart? Vegetables don’t move though!?
“Why am I wanted!?” I cried. What bullshit is this? Maybe this is hell. Why else would I wake up in an alternate universe with a bounty on my head?! God, if you’re going to reincarnate me as a criminal, at least let me enjoy committing the crimes before getting me immediately arrested, dammit!
“What other than thievery, you little criminal?” spat the doctor. “I’ve heard rumors about the likes of you. Everyone in Talos knows of the fabled Arin, the Thief!”
Arin the Thief…? First of all, that nickname wasn’t very good. It wasn’t catchy, which was important when trying to spread rumors.
Second of all… I’ve heard of that uncool nicnkname before…
Rather, I’ve played this before!
And that was the moment I realized I’m in an otome game.
The doctor was still sneering at me, ever the unprofessional. “You’ve never worked a day in your life! Just like your gypsy mother. You’ve gotten by until now by stealing, but I won’t let you get away with this! Claiming amnesia after all you’ve done… as if I’d believe that! How many times do I have to heal you and get skived out of payment before you think I’ll learn my lesson?”
“Listen, Doc, I’ll pay you!” I insisted, raising my hands in surrender. Part of me was incredulous—this doctor sounded more like the thief; like she was making up this terrible story about me so she could trick me into paying her some ridiculous sum.
Except I believed her, because I knew this story. Suddenly, the anime style made sense. This was an otome game I played back in high school—Marry the Crown. It had been extremely popular at the time, but faded out of fad quickly due to the short and rather straightforward storyline. Basically: the art was amazing, the guys were hot, but the story was boring. It was too basic!
But! If I had to get stuck in any otome game, this was a good one! There weren’t many tricks or twists in the story nor the characters. If I really was stuck in the dating sim Marry the Crown, then I was confident I could maneuver through it easily!
Even if I wasn’t the protagonist.
That’s right. Not the protagonist. The main character in Marry the Crown is a poor peasant girl who, due to her beauty, attracts the attention of the crown prince. He wants to get to know her better, but since he can’t leave the castle all willy-nilly, he sends a request to her family to enter her in the Crown Pageant, which is essentially like The Bachelor, except it’s royal women vying for the prince’s hand in marriage.
The heroine does as she’s told because her family could use the money (of course, she’s gotta be humble and tooootally oblivious to her beauty, right?), and along the way, she gains the attention of other men in the Royal Court. Basically, since all the men after her are rich and beautiful and somehow single, the game is about choosing whoever you prefer, since you don’t have to marry to prince for his money anymore. You can marry any of the other princes for their money!
Yeah. I know. Again, it was a rather basic game. The years I was in high school were a different time, okay?
My character is an antagonist. In the original game, her name was Erin, the Thief. Basically, she was jealous of the protagonist for rising from rags to riches so quickly and easily simply because she’s beautiful. Honestly, maybe I do have what it takes to be a villain, because I always kind of agreed with Erin. Erin’s character was beautiful too, but the protagonist’s beauty is oh-so special and unique that she's practically carried out of her poverty-stricken life while the rest of the poor have to slum it up, or become thieves, like Erin.
Especially since Erin herself, while a genuine thief, isn’t as bad as she seems. She’s stealing to pay for her brother’s hospital bills, except no one knows it’s her brother (or they would never accept her undoubtedly stolen money, since her reputation precedes her). Instead, she pays a guy to act as her brother’s father, and he’s the one who ‘pays’ for the hospital stay in Erin’s place.
Erin also enters the pageant and (of course, due to her own beauty) gets in (under a false name). She wants the money that comes with marrying the prince, but also plans to steal silver and jewelry along her journey. Erin knows her brother literally cannot afford for her to go the 6-month pageant period without earning some kind of cash.
Of course, what gets Erin caught is her greed and arrogance, because she also spends her precious time sabotaging the protagonist. But, the princes (and other mob characters) after the heroine's heart quickly notice Erin bothering their precious princess, so they unearth her identity as Erin, the Thief, and disqualify her. They also intend to arrest her, until the protagonist comes to Erin’s rescue with some, “but you were stealing for a reason, right?” bullshit.
And Erin, realizing she can manipulate the soft-hearted soon-to-be-princess, openly weeps, “Yes! My poor, blind, sickly brother needs me!”
Then, basically, because the protagonist—their princess—has a soft spot for Erin, the Royals let her off scot-free. Oh, except she has to work in the palace for the rest of her life to pay off her debt. Erin is happy with this (???????? I know, talk about a rapid character arc) because now she gets to see the princess every day (she and the protagonist, somehow, become fast friends after this 'little' debacle).
As an antagonist, Erin’s only role is to harass the protagonist, as she doesn’t attract the romantic attention of any of the princes (despite some half-hearted effort, on her part). That, I believe, is me.
“I’ll pay you back,” I kept saying, over and over as memories of Marry the Crown flashed through my brain, but the doctor was just snarling.
“Oh, yes you will,” she muttered darkly. “I’ve contacted the Authorities. They will come to arrest you for your crimes, and compensate me for tracking down Arin, the Thief!”
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