Beyond Reach
By
Natasha Weber
Lights are flashing and music is blaring loudly as she watches him from the front row. He's smiling and having a great time like he always is when he sings. He doesn't move or dance around much. It's not his thing.
She is there every night. She doesn't think he notices.
He glances in her direction and sees her. For a moment, his smile melts into a frown, but then he gets back to smiling and claps his hands together, persuading the crowd to clap also.
She has the song memorized; it's her favorite, Dearest. She is enthralled by sweet memories.
Jacen sees her again as he sings and sweats more profusely than he already has, letting another frown slip. She has been in the crowd every night, and she is about the most unsettling woman he has ever laid eyes upon. She is always cloaked in black, her eyes covered by incredibly long, thick hair that sweeps the ground. She has a gigantic, toothy grin. He is thankful this is his last song of the night.
***
Once the song is done and he is backstage, his violinist, Klaus, asks, "what was up with that frown? I never thought I would see you frowning while singing."
Jacen loves singing more than anything in the world, but he can't deny his terror of the cloaked woman. He is too embarrassed to tell his friends about his fears, so he just shrugs.
Jacen takes off his neon blue wig and trench coat. He grabs his keys, ready to go home.
His guitarist, Kurt, makes a face, "you're really leaving already?"
"Yeah, I'm out..." Jacen replies.
"The night's still young! There're so many women to be had..." Kurt protests.
Jacen laughs. "I can't think of a more wretched time."
"Oh, right... You know, women will be even more disappointed when they find out you're not even gay.” Klaus teases with a laugh.
Jacen shrugs with a laugh.
***
Krahe watches him; blending into the shadows of the parking lot. He hums a song as he gets out of his car and starts walking towards the apartment building. He shoves his hands into his pockets; it's freezing out.
He stops in his tracks for a moment. He stops humming and spins around. He has a frozen look of fear on his face. He wipes beads of sweat from his forehead. He's looking right at her, although he doesn't realize it.
Dearest, she remembers as he wraps his arms around her and buries his head in her chest.
She watches him open the door to the building and disappear inside.
***
At home, Jacen looks out the window of his small apartment in the neon city. So many bright pink signs.
A crow appears in his window. He's surprised. "I thought you were extinct..."
He finds the crow unsettling and turns away. He sits on his couch and feels nothing but anxiety as he flips on the TV. Normally, he would feel excited and happy after a day of singing. Recently, however, since the appearance of the cloaked woman, he finds that being alone makes him quite paranoid.
He laughs as a commercial for his new album comes on. He never realizes how ridiculous his outfits are until he sees them on TV. His manager says that the gigantic neon colored wigs are his thing, and prefers to keep him unsexualized—wearing gigantic coats and trenches. His manager says that that is also his thing--because he is a modest and seemingly shy individual. Although in reality he just values his privacy. His fans seem to respect him all the more for this. He doesn't care what he wears; he just likes to sing.
He sings along with the song on TV; he writes all his songs and comes up with the melodies. He discovered long ago that he loves 80s rock music from many years ago. Something about the beats and the unique mood of the music enthralls him.
He switches the channel after a moment. He doesn’t like listening to his own music very much.
Suddenly, he's sweating profusely again. He looks at the window. The crow is still there.
***
Just because his manager dresses him in an unsexualized way, doesn't mean he doesn't ooze sexuality. Krahe knows all his female fans want him, and she herself wants him. Stars, she thinks to herself, will always be trophies that regular people desire. But she wants him for her own reasons, and not because he is famous.
He is beyond reach at the moment. She must hatch a scheme to capture him.
He is looking at her. He turns off the TV and leaves into an adjoining room. Krahe flies off towards a mountain miles from the city.
She lands and morphs into a human. Many crows join her.
Dearest.
The other gods don't know just yet that she is following him. If they did, she would be punished again. They would kill her crows and probably do something to Jacen. She must romance him in disguise. Besides, she is afraid she may have frightened him by sitting in the front row all those days before.
A crow lands on her shoulder. "What shall I do, Everett? Deanna you say? That sounds like a good idea..."
In the dead of night, she speeds towards the nearby swamp circling the mountain as a crow.
Krahe lands next to the swamp. "Deanna..."
A woman made of mud rises from the swamp. She has a nice figure, but has no face. She is a goddess fallen from grace. She was once the goddess of love, but now she is the goddess of mud.
"How would you like to get back at the other gods by helping me break their rules?" Krahe asks Deanna.
"I'd like nothing more."
***
On Sunday morning, two days later, Jacen goes to a nearby cafe and orders a cup of coffee. He blends in when he isn't a singer. He has black hair and brown eyes—he wears jeans and a t-shirt.
He sits cross-legged on a bar stool by the window and waits for his glazed doughnut and pumpkin spice coffee. He feels excited again now that he is done with concerts for awhile. He doesn't have to see that terrifying woman anymore. He hums under his breath as he waits.
A woman sits next to him, waiting for her own beverage. She doesn't say anything for a moment, and then she glances at him, "do you live here?"
He nods silently.
"Nice eyes. Part Asian?" She continues.
"That's right. What's your name?" Jacen asks.
"Melanie. Yours?" She wonders.
He wonders if he should tell her. She probably wouldn't realize who he is. "Jacen."
She looks at him intently. "Do you mind if I eat with you?"
He shakes his head. "You can if you want."
Jacen doesn't know how to flirt, but he thinks she's pretty. "Do you like music?"
She laughs. "What kind of question is that? Everyone likes music. I really like Jolt though."
Jacen just smiles a little shyly at that. He doesn’t like to get complimented on his songs.
The waitress calls Jacen's name and he grabs his doughnut and coffee. "I've heard their music. A lot of it's pretty good."
"And you? What kind of music do you like?" She prompts.
He shrugs. "Anything from the 80s I guess. Classical is good, too."
"That's kinda nerdy.” She says and he frowns. “I like it." She clarifies.
He likes her a lot already, but has no idea how to pursue a relationship with her.
***
A crow watches them from the window with seething jealousy. She thinks to herself that she will destroy that trollop if it's the last thing she does. But she thinks better of the situation; she can use this trollop to her advantage. It may make her insane with jealousy, but she must let this relationship continue for awhile.
***
But Krahe is obsessed with him. She stews in jealous rage as she watches him with the girl called Melanie. He is incredibly sweet with her and he dotes on her. He attaches to people easily once he gets to know them. Krahe wants that for herself.
Eventually, months after he first meets her, he tells her that he is the lead singer of Jolt.
It's snowing out and they are taking a walk together at night in the city. The sidewalks are laden with snow that are dyed many colors in the neon lights.
"I never would have guessed it. You seem like a completely different person when you're up on stage!" Melanie exclaims. "Of course, your eyes are always covered by sunglasses when you're up there, too."
"I get that a lot..." He replies, lowering his eyes.
"So why aren't you more..." She searches for the words.
"Like a star?" He completes. "I feel like just a normal person. I always have. It sounds corny and fake, but I really just like singing. I don't like the fame that comes with it. I don't want to end up like those other slutty stars, right?"
Melanie raises an eyebrow.
"Both male and female!" He clarifies.
She laughs at that, mostly because it is unexpected coming from him.
Krahe laughs too, on the inside as she watches them in bird form. He's funny, too...
"You were on tour for a year, right?" Melanie asks.
He nods. "It was pretty exciting. I'm glad it's over though."
Jacen stops in his tracks, a look of fear on his face.
Melanie looks confused and follows his gaze, but sees nothing. "What's wrong, Jacen?"
He saw the woman cloaked in black standing under the lamppost for a second. Terror grips his heart. He has been seeing this woman around, throughout all these months. He is terrified she might do something to him.
For some reason, he doesn't feel comfortable telling anyone about the woman. He thinks they won't believe him. He himself thinks he is being paranoid--thinks he is seeing things. He doesn't want her to think he's crazy.
***
Krahe had turned into her human form briefly again. She is not intentionally trying to scare him. She is trying to convince Melanie that he is paranoid and eccentric.
Krahe is almost certain the relationship will break off on its own due to Jacen's apparent issues with romance, and then she can pick up the pieces after it does. But there is no harm in trying to speed things along.
Dearest. He looks at her with tears in his eyes. No matter how she might try to only keep good memories close, bad ones will always find her.
Krahe finds a tree to sit in and melts into the shadows. She wraps a black eggshell around herself, filled with comforting memories.
***
She is a shy goddess. She likes hanging around with humans and finds them fascinating. She hides in the corner of a human club--a disgusting place she would normally avoid--except that human behavior is particularly fascinating when in a club. The blaring music, the alcohol, the bizarre conversation...
He sees her hiding in the corner. He strolls over to her. He has naturally alluring eyes. "What's your name?"
"Krahe." She answers truthfully. There were no rules among the gods about introducing yourself to humans, to her knowledge.
"My name's Yuu. I like your hair. Are you a goth or something?" He asks, noticing it falling all the way to the ground. "That's impressive. Do you have eyes under that hair?"
She is silent.
"Are you shy?" He continues.
Krahe clears her throat. "Nervous."
"Do you want me to go?" He queries, noticing she really is quite nervous.
She doesn't know what to say. After a moment she says, "no."
He smiles at her. "This place doesn't seem like your thing. Did a friend drag you here?"
"It isn't my thing. That's why I'm hiding in the corner." She says flatly.
Yuu bites back a laugh and he tilts his head to the side, thinking she's cute. "Let's go someplace else, then."
She looks into his eyes searchingly. "Why?"
"You don't have to. I just think we might hit it off." He explains.
She doesn't know what hitting it off is, but she shrugs and nods.
***
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