Dear Mom,

It has been a year since you passed away. I can’t believe it went by so fast, but at the same time, it has been the longest year of my life. Ever since you died I have been living with Grandma, and I love her with all my heart, but I miss you so much.

It has been a weird year. I’m going to be a senior soon. I have joined the Mariachi at school, playing the violin. I was asked to sing Amor Eterno during our summer rehearsals, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it. Every time I sing that song, I start choking up. Give the girl whose mother just died a song written for a dead mother. That was a smart idea.

I have nothing against the song. I love it, it says so much of what I think about. I just wish it didn’t hit so close to home.

I wish you were still here mom, I have so much to tell you. I learned how to make Tamales, just like Abuelita does them. I still need practice, but I wish you could taste them.

I decided what I’m going to study. I want to study music. I don’t know where or what in music exactly yet, but it’s a step forward right? Maybe I’ll become a music teacher. You always said I had a lot of patience when it came to others…

Abuelita has been doing great. We go out for walks every evening like the doctor recommended. She tells me stories about her pueblo. Did you know Abuelita had a lot of admirers when she was young? She told me two guys almost fought to the death over her, they only stopped because she told them, “Why do you fight over something neither of you could ever get?” Talk about a blow to a guy’s pride!

These walks have really been helping me. I have also been seeing a therapist. The social worker recommended it. Said it is good to deal with grief. The therapist is actually the one that told me to start keeping this journal. Since I am always talking about how I just want to talk to you again somehow.

Abuelita says that you are watching over me from heaven. That you listen to everything I say, and that you take care of me. A part of me hopes that it’s true, but I just feel as if that is way too easy somehow.

So, just in case you don’t know what’s going on down here, I will write it for you. Maybe it will reach you, one way or another.

I want you to know that I was able to bring some of your flowers over to Abuelita’s house. I have been taking care of them just like you thought me to. The roses are growing so strong, Abuelita spends a lot of time talking to them, she tells me, “I feel like I am talking to your mom, Rosa. These are as beautiful as she was.” I’m not going to lie, I have started talking to them too.

Hope you are okay mom. I know that you fought so hard to try to stay with me, with us, and that you suffered a lot. I’m glad you are in peace now. Just know that it’s going to be hard not to miss you every day of my life.