One week, two days, five hours, and about twenty minutes. That’s how long it has been since I have spoken a single word aloud. Yes, I have actually been keeping count. At first it was just a random thought like, “oh I haven’t had to speak for two days, that’s so weird”, but then I decided to see how long it would be until I had to say something aloud. It’s not that I don’t want to talk, anyone who knows me knows that talking is one of my favorite activities, the problem is I have no one to talk to.
Standing in front of my empty fridge for the fourth time in an hour, hoping that it would have miraculously filled with food since I last checked. I am not even hungry I’m just tired of sitting in my bed and thinking about how miserable I am. When I left home for college I bought into all that TV nonsense, of the quirky introverted girl who didn’t have a ton of friends in high school but would go off to college and meet a bunch of like-minded weirdos who would make all the bullying and weekends alone worth it. However, unlike the lovable shy girls from my favorite movies, TV shows, and books, college wasn’t a magical new chapter for me. I was exactly as awkward and neurotic as I was back home except now I was completely alone, which is why I haven’t talked to a human being in over a week.
I close the fridge having thoroughly convinced myself that there are no hidden treats and drag myself back to my bedroom. Every step I take seems to echo loudly making my apartment feel cold and bare. Growing up in a house with three sisters I always thought that my ultimate dream would be living alone, but when I moved by myself I realized how hollow my life really was. Without the constant noise and drama of my family my house felt empty. I thought that this feeling would just disappear with time, I would fill the void with friends and activities like any other normal person would but instead I just sunk deeper into myself. Now it is one year into college life and I am worse off than when I first arrived. When I first transferred to university I got a house with two other girls, and even though I didn’t know them we all managed to be friendly with one another and even hung out sometimes. When the lease ended, I decided to move into a place by myself and that was the last time I had social contact with anyone outside of class.
Speaking of class, I haven’t gone to any of my classes in two days. Which I know doesn’t help with my whole lack of human contact dilemma, but lately I have just been feeling more alone when I am surrounded by people. So now I am just wallowing in self-pity, lying in bed and watching dumb shows on Netflix. My eyes lazily drift away from my laptop landing on my full-length mirror hanging on the wall opposite my bed, allowing me to take in my sloppy appearance. I am lying on my back with my legs propped up against my headboard causing my giant flannel night shirt to ride up, revealing my butt sticking out of my tiny booty shorts. My shoulder length hair is tucked under my head making it look like a frizzy brown bird’s nest and my eyes have dark bags under them from a lack of sleep. As I glare intently at my reflection wondering when the last time I showered was, the image in the mirror flickers changing to show a beautiful lush forest with a small cottage settled in the middle, and then a second later flickers again to show my shocked expression staring back at me.
I jump of the bed in an instant and for the first time in one week, two days, and six hours open my mouth and shout,
“WHAT THE FORK WAS THAT?”.
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