It's all rainy and gloomy. I think I'd prefer it this way for a while. I had been taking these pills for a while. I haven't paid attention to why I take them but they help me. It's becoming normal now and so now I want to stop. I don't want to depend on it.
My dad suggests I keep taking it. I don't listen to him. Ever since Mom got with him I refused to listen. I guess that's just the way it is.
I'm a little dizzy this morning, snow is on the ground and everyone else is sleeping. It's oddly quiet. That's rare for my family.
I take my phone and I make my way down the stairs and plop on the couch.
I go straight to watching videos on my phone. There's one in particular that's my favorite. I was 10 so it was 8 years ago. But, I had gotten a gift from my mom. She was excited about it and told me to open the present.
I opened it and inside was a star hair clip sizes too big for my hair I wore it around everywhere.
Even now I touch my hair to feel the hair clip that was perfect for my hair now. My white hair had grown to be perfectly floofy and soft and I loved how it went with my beautiful eyes. Or at least my mom says they're beautiful. I usually believe her.
I hear footsteps coming down the stairs. Someone is trying to be quiet, I turn off my phone as they come closer. My little brother Maxi had come down, bunny in hand.
"Morning, you ok?" I ask him as he sits down next to me. He looks at me and shakes his head.
"Your voice is acting up again?" I ask.
"I'm sorry." I hug him. He hugs me back letting out a sigh.
"You haven't eaten, have you? I know it's early but since yesterday have you eaten?" I say and he ignores me.
"I want you to eat something so I'll make you food, ok?" I stand up and go to the kitchen.
It only takes me about 10 minutes before I've made an omelet for him. He watches closely.
Maxi smiles when I'm done, eating some of the food.
"Good. Eat as much as you need." I took his hat off and rubbed his head and he let me. Once he's finished and well fed he gets up and takes the plate to the sink putting it down before he waves and retreats back to his room, his sleeping bunny still in his hands.
I finally sit down, my back against the cold wooden chair, my body's tired. I think I'll take one little nap.
I passed out from lack of sleep. I woke up in a stupid hospital this is the 3rd time this week.. Surely everyone is tired of me now. I finally got released with sleep medication. I'm sure fed up with medicine. I throw it away on my way out.
Dad is taking me home so the car ride is silent until he sighs. I know what's coming next.
"When will you ever learn? You'll seriously die from not sleeping. Also, I saw the medicine you hid in the trash in your room. I'll be holding onto it and give you your medicine daily." He says.
"For goodness sake. I'm 18 Dad! I'm an adult. I don't understand why you're so defensive. I don't want to take it!" I argue.
"You will not raise your voice at me. I am still your father."
"Let me make my own decisions. I feel trapped constantly!" I continue to argue.
"Lower your voice now!" He yells. I fall silent.
"Star it's always about you. Your ex cheated, and now you're so sad and "depressed" Stop faking it. you're a bold-faced attention seeker. You don't feel trapped, you just don't want to listen. so shut up with that 'I feel trapped' nonsense."
My heart sinks. He brought up Coral, denied my feelings, and said I was faking the state of my mental health because I'm an attention seeker??
"First of all, I put my siblings first, always! There's not something that I wouldn't do for them, I constantly consider mom and I cook for her and clean for her and help with homework for her and It's always about me!? I take care of Maxi's bunny, I take care of my kitten, and it's all about me!? My feelings don't matter but all your perfect kids do!! You just throw me to the side! What else do you want from me!!" I scream, my face feels hot, and my hands are in a fist.
Dad gets the car to the driveway. He says nothing, he gets out and closes his door, going to the house. I get out and follow him and once we're both inside he slaps me across the face.
"Go to your room and don't you dare come out." He says lowly. It scares me. I run past him, dashing up the stairs, I run into my room and slam the door.
I hear Lukas rushing up the stairs and in a panic, I lock the door. Ash, my kitten is awake and alarmed, I pick him up as I hear Lukas yell for me to open the door and so I grab a backpack, put things I need in it and wrap a blanket around Ash and climb down my window. I run away from home like I run away from my problems.
As I'm running I'm soon to get tired, my kitten is confused, my face is wet, the sun is rising and the stars from the night are fading. I find a field of tall grass, I go into it to hide and I sit under a tree that oddly had shorter grass surrounding it. I unwrapped my cat, holding him close. He purred softly as I did.
"Aww. Hey, dude are you ok?" An unfamiliar voice called down to me and I trembled. I was already shaken enough.
I heard someone hop down from above me, they sat next to me, tapping my shoulder. I flinch. He tapped my shoulder hard.
"Ah. I'm so sorry. Hey, are you crying?" He tries to look at my face but I cover it, embarrassed. Ash gets excited on the other hand and climbs in the guy's lap.
"Oh! Hello, kitty." He pets him.
I move my hands off my face and go to take Ash back but he scratches my hand.
"Ow!" I cry out, keeping my head low.
The guy takes my hand and puts his hand over it, in an instant the cut is gone. I finally looked up at him.
"There we go. A little shy aren't you?" His smile is beautiful and his green eyes complement his beautiful cinnamon hair.
He goes to reach for something out of his pocket, he hands me a tissue. I take it and wipe my tears.
"Thank you.." I whisper.
"No problem little guy." He smiles again.
I look down at Ash.
"What a cute kitten. What's his name?" He continues petting Ash.
"Ash.." I say.
"Beautiful name for such a beautiful cat. By the way, I'm Felix. Nice to meet you." He holds out his hand and I flinch.
"Oh no, I'm sorry." He pulls his hand away.
"I'm a little shaky right now...I apologize for being jumpy.." I say loud enough for him to hear.
"It's alright. Don't apologize." He goes to pat my head and I let him.
"Why are you here?" I ask.
"Felt like being here so I walk out here. Then you came running here and I felt bad. What about you? What are you running from?" Felix's eyes widen
The question was simple but it felt deeper than what it should have been.
"My dad." I finally responded
"Oh." He pays attention to my tone and my body language.
"Yeah..he doesn't care about my uh.. feelings and it hurt and I was certain he was going to yell at me again so I panicked and ran away." I avoided eye contact.
"Oh?" He continues paying attention while listening.
"Yeah, I guess I kinda have a thing for panicking when I'm upset eheh.." I chuckle sadly.
"He hit you." Felix touches my cheek and I flinch again. It hurts.
"It's not that bad. I've been hit before." I move his hand.
"Does he hit you often?" Felix continues to ask and it makes me nervous.
"Only when I get upset and y-yell." I hate stuttering.