Hi everyone! This story has been with me for a couple of years now and I’ve finally decided to share it. Please disregard the errors. I’m still working on editing the story.
Also, this story mentions suicide,depression, self harm, panic attacks and eating disorders. I will put a note at the beginning of the chapters that contain these triggers as an extra precaution. I appreciate everyone that has given this story a chance. Thank you in advance.
Lastly, please don’t be a silent reader. I’d really like to hear your feedback and criticism as I try to improve my writing. Also, if there’s anything in my story that’s offensive, please let me know so that I can clear things up.
Daffodils - New Beginnings
You are important. Your life is meaningful. You need to get out there and let the world know who you are. Life is about taking chances. You have to repeat this to yourself. I matter.
I can't hear you.
"I matter," I said loudly.
I am responsible for my own happiness.
"I am responsible for my own happiness."
Every day is a good day because -
I pulled the earplugs out of my ears and wrapped them around my neck. My parents were worried about my well-being and their last resort was motivational audiobooks. I was all for it at first because I was willing to take any help that I could get, but they're so annoying. Especially when the person talking tells me that they can't hear me. Of course, you can't hear me, you're a voice on an audiobook.
I wish it was as easy as they made it seem. I can't just wake up one day and be happy. Too many bad things have been happening in my life. I've stopped expecting good things to happen to me.
I've been bullied for more than half of the time that I've been alive. "You're so fat." "You're so girly." You're so this. You're so that. I'm different, but so is everyone else. There's not a single person on this planet that is the same as anyone else yet, we're all expected to conform to the same rules.
I remember when I was accepted into one of the best high schools on the island. My parents were proud of me and I was proud of myself. I thought that finally, things were looking up, but I was wrong, just like I've always been.
One day while I was in chemistry class, one of the boys noticed that I was wearing nail polish while I was turning on the bunsen burner. He instantly drew the attention of the class to me. They started bullying me. I told myself that I could handle it. If I could hold my head up through it all, they'd realize that I was strong and tough.
Once again, I was proven wrong. The teasing went on for a few months. It became very difficult to get out of bed. I dreaded every day of my life.
One day a few of my classmates threatened to hurt me. I'd been pushed around and tripped before. My mind couldn't fathom that they'd hurt me the way they did. When the bell rang signalling the end of the school, four of my classmates surrounded me. I was scared. All of a sudden, they started hitting me. I tried to escape, but I was held down. I was confused. I couldn't comprehend why they were hurting me. I'd never done anything to anyone. I took a few more hits before I blacked out.
I woke up in the hospital. My right wrist was sprained. I had a few broken ribs and I had a concussion. My mother couldn't stop crying and my father couldn't look at me.
My parents took me out of school. Last thing I heard the boys were left off with a warning. Apparently we were just horsing around. While I spent my summer in the hospital trying to get better those same boys were probably out there playing in the sun and partying.
I was interrupted from my thoughts by a knock on my door. "Come in, "I said while picking up my bag.
"Are you ready, Donny?" my mother asked while standing in my doorway. Many people told me that I was a carbon copy of my mother. We were both the same height, with identical features. The same oval-shaped face and eyes, but I had my father's nose.
She gave me a once over before stepping inside my room.
"You look cute, "she said with a grin.
"Doubt it, but thanks."
I put my arms through my bag straps and secured it on my back.
"Things will be different. I promise," she assured. "Everything feels different this time."
I scoffed, "Ok. Are we leaving now?"
I quickly looked at myself in the mirror one more time. I opted for the skinniest navy blue long pants that I could find, seeing that the school rules say that all pants or skirts must be navy blue but not jeans. The red polo with the school's emblem at the top right was tucked into my pants and I paired it off with black dress shoes. I slowly took up the flower crown made out of daffodils; I made it the night before. The school allowed any kind of accessory besides hats. I wanted to wear it, but I was scared.
"Just put it on. I know you want to," my mother said walking towards me. "It's okay."
"What if they make fun of me or beat me up again?" Suddenly my mind was filled with flashbacks of what happened to me before. I promised myself that I would never again live in fear, but promises are meant to be broken even, promises that you've made to yourself. Biting my lip, I rested the crown back unto my dressing table. "I can't. By wearing this crown, I'm basically giving people a reason to pick on me."
"There's no reason why they should pick on you. That's a problem on their part, not yours. If anyone messes with you, your dad and I will beat their asses. We love you. If you want to wear it, do it. We support you." She took the crown up and set it on my head.
"I'll wear it."
"You look great."
I glanced at myself, I was happy with how I looked. I followed my mother out of my room and walked to the kitchen. My dad was standing at the front door with the keys in his hand.
"Good Morning," I said to him.
He nodded. My father is a very strange man. He doesn't talk much...to me. He talks to my mother, but he doesn't talk to me unless it's necessary. My mother said that, that's just how he is, but I remembered as a kid he used to talk to me, not much, but it was better than now. She said it took him a long time to even talk to her. It upsets me because; I'm his child, his only child. I do want a relationship with him, I know that he loves me, he's never done anything that disproves it, but I'd love if he asked me how my day went or just anything at all.
Our relationship became more strained after I started expressing myself differently than I was expected to. We shared a common love for football and I remembered that we played it a lot together when I was younger. After I started wearing nail polish and doing flower art with my mother we stopped. I guess it rubbed him the wrong way. I know he would never tell me anything to my face because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but I overheard him asking my mother why I was doing the things that I was. She said because I wanted to and he has to deal with it even if he doesn't like it. So, I guess this is his way of dealing with it.
Feeling too lazy to take off my bag I opened the zip with it still on my back and shoved my lunch into my bag. I grabbed a bottle of water and an apple, walked out of the front door and took a seat in the car. My parents followed suit. Dad locked the door and mum took the passenger seat. As the car began, I put my headphones in and zoned out.
I felt the car stop and so did my heart. I quickly took my headphones out. "We're here."
"Great, "I mumbled. I noticed boys and girls in the same clothes as me, walking around. I didn't make a move to leave and neither did my parents. "I think I should go in alone."
"I'm willing to walk you to the office." My mother always tried to negotiate with me, but I really wanted to try doing this alone.
"I can handle this. Please."
"We know that, but we love you and we're afraid." Our eyes met through the mirror. I pleaded with her. I wanted some sort of independence.
"I'll call you. You're on speed dial. I know that I can count on you."
I glanced at my father. He kept his head straight not even bothering to add anything to our conversation. "Love you... guys," I said quickly before opening the door.
"Love you too," they said. I waved at them before walking inside. I looked at my surroundings. It was nicer than my old school. There were more trees. The building was light green and dark blue. The colours were nice and comforting.
I noticed a building that had a sign stating that it was the Main Office. I quickly entered the office; it was empty except for the two receptionists. One of them mean mugged me and the other looked more approachable, I decided to talk to her. Her red cat eye glasses were the first thing that I noticed about her. She smiled at me and asked me what I needed.
"Hello, My Name is Donovan King. I'm new. I was told that I had to come here for my schedule." I replied showing her my ID card.
"Yes, would you like a guide or are you okay with navigating around the school yourself?" she questioned.
"I'd rather find it myself." The last thing I need is someone helping me because they have to.
She started to look for something on her extremely messy table. She then handed me a beige folder. "There's your schedule, a map of the school and a list of books you need to pick up. You can use the map to find the storage room. The head of the department isn't here yet, but when she arrives, she'd like to speak with you. Whichever class you're in, we'll call the phone and tell your teacher or we'll send a student for you, okay?"
I looked inside the folder at the map. The storage room wasn't very far; I walked towards it, still looking at my surroundings. There was a gym with an open space with boys playing basketball; girls were in a corner laughing. The environment seemed nice.
I opened the storage room. "Good Morning, I'm here to pick up my books," I said to the lady sitting at the desk. Her bright red hair popped.
"Good Morning," she said to me. "The books are categorized by section, then grade and then subject. While you get your books, I'll get you a box."
"How else will you carry your books around the school?" She looked at me as if my question made absolutely no sense.
"No lockers?" I never came for a school tour because I spent so much time in the hospital. By the time I was released, my parents told me that they had found me a new school.
"Welcome to public school, hun."
Walking around with a box, will make even more people notice me. I groaned. I picked up all my books and waited for her to check them out.
"Do I really have to walk around the school with heavy books?"
"Most students get their books during the summer vacation. It's September, you're two months late"
I didn't reply this time. I patiently waited for her to finish. When she did, I hesitantly picked up the box; it was as heavy as I anticipated.
"Have a nice day, "she said with a laugh.
I scowled at her as I opened the door. I walked back to the front of the school and took a seat on one of the benches in the cafeteria. My watch stated that it was twenty minutes past seven. I have ten minutes to kill time. There isn't much that you can do when you're all alone.
Most people that past stared at me. I was starting to become self-conscious. Maybe, I should take off the crown. I sat there for what felt like an eternity when the bell rang. I assumed it was the bell to signal people to start going to class, but nobody actually started going to class. I took out my schedule, English. Building 4, room 6. I stood up and started walking to class.
Someone behind me tripped me and I fell to the ground. Almost all of the books spilled out of the box. The students around me continued walking. Some even kicked the books or laughed.
"I bet he's used to being on his knees," someone said as they walked by.
A few people chuckled. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes. It's too soon for bad things to be happening. Why does this always happen to me? I wanted to call my parents and tell them that I wanted to quit school, altogether. Someone did bend down next to me and began picking up the books.
"Hey, it's okay."
I hesitantly nodded.
Someone stood up and lifted my box up while he extended his hand towards me. I took it without a second thought. He pulled me up and smiled down at me. He instantly let go of my hand and stretched it out again.
"I'm Jeremy. What's your name?" I took his hand once again. My small hand felt secured in his bigger hand. His pale one contrasted my brown one and for a second I didn't want to let go, but the realization dawned on me that he was holding my box of books, I quickly let go.
"Donovan," I said quickly before putting my hands on the box, discreetly trying to pull it out of his hands.
"Nice. Are you new?" he inquired as he ignored my pull.
"Cool. Uh, what form are you in?"
"Fifth." I tried taking my box away from him again, but he held it tightly in his hand. "I can carry it for you." He smiled at me.
"I'm good, seriously."
"I noticed you earlier today; I can see that you were struggling. It's okay. You don't have to carry all the weight by yourself anymore."