First journal entry:

I’m sure you all know this by now. It’s the same old story. Same tropes. Same ‘boy crushes on boy, boys fall in love, happy ending’, et cetera.

Or, I hope all of that happens. That would be awesome! Especially the happy ending part, because, not everyone gets their ‘happy ending’…

Okay, so, there’s this guy I like. Shocker. Except that I’m invisible to him. That sucks. Oh, and he plays on the Football team. More shock.

He’s one of those guys that’s like; Freshman year, “He’s kinda cute.”

Sophomore year, “Oh he’s more cute than last year!”

Junior year, “Yep. Pretty damn hot and I’m sure I’ve fallen for him.”

And the height difference, which I find attractive… Like, I know that I’m kind of tall…kind of… standing at five eleven -which is average height mind you- but this guy? He’s fucking tall. Like, he’s got to be half a foot taller than me or something because I literally have to jump just to look over his shoulder.

Not that I’ve ever done that. I never have. Seriously. There’s never been a situation where he’s standing in front of me in line at the cafeteria and I’m trying to see what’s on the menu, that just so happens to be in front of him, hidden by those broad shoulders. No. Never. Because if he was in front of me, in line, the both of us waiting for food, I wouldn’t be thinking about food. I’d be…Okay! I didn’t eat that day because I was too busy staring at his ass! Whatever.

I learn later that he’s six foot five. Pointless detail, but not to me!

His reddish blonde hair is really shiny and pretty. Like, I want to run my fingers through it because it looks really soft and just… it’s just that nice. Is that weird? That’s probably weird… Jesus I’m being weird. I mean, listen to me.

I’m just some plain guy so of course I’m invisible to him. Like, I have brown messy hair, brown eyes, no fashion sense, and just…plain. But he looks like a God. Or, he does to me. And apparently to a bunch of other people, too. Like, all the girls that follow him around and hang on his arms like ugly monkeys, and all of his jock friends, and all the other guys that I notice secretly checking him out just as I do, which makes me jealous as fuck.

I’m wallowing, I know.