Dear Mom and Dad,
Today I thought of you guys. I wish I could tell you how much I love you both, how much I miss you right now.
The suffocating feeling I get in my stomach when I think of you is becoming a normality in my life. I wish it wouldn't. I don't know how I am surviving. I wouldn't even call it that.
I don't like pretending everything is okay when it's not. I don't feel like showing love to other people when I don't get it in return. I used to get the warm type of love from you mom and dad. I still feel it sometimes. But rarely is the word for it.
I have a huge place in my heart where you guys reside. I'll open that door in my dreams and I'll see you both standing there smiling down at me. Dad will pull me in for a hug, while you mom, brush my hair back to kiss my cheek. This is how I know what love is exactly. If it weren't for you both, I wouldn't be who I am today. Your love keeps my breathing. It keeps me holding onto our memories. I wouldn't have ever known what love feels like if you hadn't shown me mom and dad.
I hate that I did this to you, because if I wasn't here you both would be alive. Mom would probably be planting in her garden while the sun goes down, and dad would be checking up on the latest sports teams in the living room. You would still be here loving each other without a care in the world.
I wish I was never born, but that would be selfish of me to think that. Even though I would be better off never existing, I have to admit I have reasons for living. One is sharing your love through me. The others I haven't found yet.
I still live with mom's older brother. He is doing okay I guess. I apologise but I cannot explain how he grieves mother. You wouldn't look at me the same or him. He just got home now, so I need to go. I'll be back soon I promise.
I love you forever mom and dad.
Love, Meadow.
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