There were days where you promised you'd never leave me, no matter how terrible my depression got, or how deep the cuts became. You would touch my face, and my worries would melt away like snow in the February sun. But you left, the sorrow in your face had been tangled with your hair, and everything that had ever suffocated me came back at a choking force.
I still remember that day like it was only an hour ago, even though my face grows thin and my bones become weak, I still hold on to it, as the rope begins to unravel.
"Yoon, it's time for dinner! We're having your favorite, kaiseki!" My mother called from the staircase. I didn't respond. I waited until I heard her footsteps drift away, and then I got up. I walked down the stairs, pulling on my sweatshirt sleeves to hide the scars that had been multiplying this past summer. I didn't want my mother to worry anymore, she already had enough things on her plate. She didn't need to deal with my pathetic problems either.
Once I reached the dining table, my mother began plating. She placed all of the kaiseki ingredients on the table, and sat down with a napkin folded in her lap. I slowly took a seat, continuing to pull on my sleeves.
"Please eat, Yoon. You've become so thin lately. I am so very worried." My mother said, lifting up her chopsticks. "You haven't been the same since October, I don't know what happened. Can you tell me, Yoon baby?"
I felt tears start to well up in my eyes. It was never my intention to worry her, I just want to keep my problems from her so she doesn't worry, but it seems like that plan backfired. "Nothing is the problem, mom, I promise. Still just thinking about how Taesuki left last October, nothing else." I said, fidgeting with my chopsticks.
My mother sighed, and looked at me longingly. "Yoon, I know how difficult it was for you. But it is almost August. I think you need to move on." She told me flatly, setting her chopsticks down. "I know you and Taesuki were good friends, but I assure you he has made new friends, and so should you."
Yeah right, I thought, taking a bite of my food. Just friends. My mother had absolutely no idea that Taesuki and I loved each other. I loved him more than anything. But deep down, I knew she was right. I needed to move on.
"I'm not sure where I should even start." I sighed. "Making friends has never come easily to me."
"You do realize a new family is moving in soon, right? Just down the block?" My mother asked, looking up at me in amusement. "I heard they apparently have a son your age. Maybe you should start there."
"What's his name?" I asked, suspicious. I didn't want to make friends with someone who sounded sketchy, nor did I want to make friends with anyone at all.
"His name is Jirou, and he is sixteen just like you. I think you guys will pair nicely." My mother said, smiling. "Give it a try, will you? For me?"
I forced a little smile and nodded. She smiled even wider, and we ate in silence for the rest of the dinner.