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Welcome to The Stains Beneath Your Skin

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I've always felt there is something irresistible yet dangerous to those dreams of a fated meeting with 'the one'. This novel is a bit of a love note to that fantasy. It explores depression, self-worth, and that curious, insatiable desire to be loved.

I'll say to you now: this is not a happy book. It's a romance, it's got its taste of sweetness, but this romance is the vessel in which Casper traverses his own mental health and that boy ain't all right up there, and it reflects in his worldview. Casper is hopeless, but this is his journey as he finds a tenuous promise of something to cling onto, and you'll have to read to see if he captures it or if the last thread is ripped away.

So, what I do promise you is lilac prose, your heart warmed up ready to break, Casper's bitter snark, and a journey that will, one way or another, come a satisfying circle to an end.

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DISCLAIMER

I wrote this novel for myself perhaps a year ago, so it already stands completed. That also means that the story is what it is. I'm tweaking it for public consumption, but the essence will remain the same and close to my heart. I love both of these characters, no matter how messed up those two are, and I write them as they are, not to make them good people.

I don't want to romanticize this content, but I'm not sacrificing my very close third-person style to inject my outside perspective. This story follows Casper's thoughts exclusively, so you'll get exactly what Casper thinks.

Honestly, it's not really that bad. I'm not writing torture or grief porn. But both characters make morally questionable, and in some cases indefensible, choices, so enjoy the ride.

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Content warnings for this novel include:

Suicide attempts/ideation, implied r*pe (not between MCs), drug abuse, abduction, unbalanced power dynamics (between MCs), and just all round dreadful language. I'm going to add specific content warnings on chapters where this becomes explicit, but these will flavour the language of the rest of the novel heavily, so please be aware.

(Yes, I can write a novel without swearing. No, it won't be this one. Casper's got a bad mouth and it's staying)

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Also, you may find the first two episodes a little longer than normal Tapas units. Bear with it, because past these two the word count drops dramatically, I just struggled to find a satisfying break in these two episodes.

So, if you're still here – jump in!