Aaryan Khanna

“Everything… in this country… is run on fucking numbers, perhaps. Marks are the only thing that fucking matters. You gotta get good marks and grades to do some big shit in life, ya see. That’s just how life is for us, pal.”

“Aaryan, did you tell your parents about the results?”

“Y-Yes, sir.”

“What did they say?”

“T-They were not happy with the results, sir.”

The conversation between my teacher and me hit my head. I was sitting on the study desk of my home, lighted with a faint bulb at the back of the room. The room was painted light blue—one of the shittiest colors to paint the room with, perhaps. It looked fucking depressing, ya see. The cracks on the paint, which gave way for the cement and whitewash, looked worse. At the back right corner of the room was my desk, with a table kept at the corner of the room, a laptop upon it, and my notebooks, books, and a pencil stand scattered around it. I was doing some fucking mathematical shit on my notebook, rubbing my pen hard on the paper and vigorously writing each step. I wore a light blue t-shirt with a dark blue jacket upon it, with dark black thick sweatpants meant for winters.

Then, I remembered how I replied to his question, “T-They were not happy with the results, sir.”

“T-They were not happy with the results, sir.”

“T-They were not happy with the results, sir.”

I remembered my mom’s face at that moment, frowning at me. “Why did you fail on this subject?! Do you even know how important math is?! Everything in the future needs math with it, whether you choose science stream, commerce, or arts. You need math to get into the best colleges of any good subject where you can get a decent corporate job. And, you failed in it?”

“Does that mean that… I might not be able to get a decent job in the future? Or a decent degree? Or a decent college? Or a decent salary?” I thought. “All of this shit… for nothing?”

I remembered standing in front of the class with that teacher again. That teacher wore a thick woolen brown sweater upon his white shirt, black trousers, black socks, and brown formal slippers, and spectacles. He had a half-bald head. That room was my classroom, but it was darker than how it really was, ya see. The baby pink shade had turned into half-black. The desks were filled, with everyone looking at me with a smile on their face. Suddenly, the faint chatter erupted.

My eyes widened with fright as I looked at those assholes talking shit about me. All of their faces were black, and had a creepy smile beneath them as they talked.

“Hey!” I shouted at them. But, it got lost in the sea of indistinct chatter.

The chatter then grew in voice.

It grew more the next second.

Then… it turned into laughter.

“AAHAHAHHAHSHAHA.”

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“AHAHHAHAHJAJAHAHAJHAAJAHAJAHGAHA!”

“This guy is such a loser, no?!” A girl shouted in the middle of the laughter.

“No! I’m not!”

“You failed in math! What will you do in future if you can’t even do math?!”

“You’re a failure!”

“FAILURE!”

“FAAAAAILURE!”

BANG!

My eyes were staring at the notebook aimlessly. My hands had frozen. My mind was numb. I was going inside that dark shitty hole of thoughts.

“What if… What if I fail again?”

“I-I might have to give retest in the board exams. But… studying this shit all over again, and… and the humiliation…”

“And what if… I fail the retest too?”

“I… won’t get a decent job, will I?”

“How will I… survive, then? How the fuck will I get my parents and me outta this shitty place?”

I closed my eyes. “It’s… just a retest, pal. Why the fuck are ya so worried?” I asked myself in my thoughts. I then opened my eyes, looked at the open math book and notebook, and then turned backward at the small blue room with cracks on its paint. There was a bed behind me, a door to the outside of the room on the right of my figure, a wardrobe beside the bed on the right. I then turned my head to the front, and looked at the wall. “I gotta get out of this place, pal, and become rich. I gotta be the pride of my parents. I gotta do something big. But…” I covered my forehead with my right palm.

“Fuck! It’d be better if I vape before studying. I can’t fucking concentrate.”

I then stood up from my desk, turned to my right, and started to walk to the door. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. I pushed open the door and walked out on the narrow living room, with a sofa on my left and a kitchen across. The living room had no lights on, whereas the bulb threw its unexpected shine from the kitchen.

I walked toward the kitchen, and then turned to my left toward the sofa-set. As I was walking through the sofa-set, my mom asked from behind, “Where are you going now?”

“Outside.”

“Why? Have you studied enough?” My mom asked. She was cutting vegetables as she stood in the kitchen, her back facing the door from where I just came from. She wore a thick blue sweatshirt, a black sleeveless jacket, and a pink thick lower, with a brown beanie cap.

“I’ll continue when I come back.”

“You won’t.”

My mother stood beneath the shining LED bulb which illuminated the little kitchen. I, on the other side, stood with darkness all around me.

I tilted my head down. “I will, mom.”

“I gave birth to you. I know every trick of yours. All you do is procrastinate on your studies. I know that when you come back, you’ll be tired, and then it’d be time for dinner, and then it’d be time to sleep.”

I took in a deep breath, and then exhaled it out. “Mom, even I don’t wanna fail in math.”

“If you didn’t want to fail, then wouldn’t you have failed this time?” Her voice asked me back.

“Because… I didn’t study…”

“Why did you not study when you didn’t want to fail?” Her voice asked back.

I turned my head back, and then turned to the front again. “I… don’t know.”

“Start thinking about your life now. You’re not a child anymore. You need to make some big decisions now. You need to make a life of your own. I’m not saying you should stop having fun, but you have to be serious too now, or else, you’ll be stuck in a house and a surrounding like this forever. Do you wanna live here all your life?”

“N-No…”

“Then start thinking about how to get out of here. Make a goal, and start working upon it. Work hard upon it. That’s the only way you can get a better life.”