I dragged my feet as I walked home, my head hanging as I felt my aching heart. The reality of my decision had hit me soon after I had left Sora.
How can I pretend that I don't love him?
I thought as I came to a halt and gazed up at the darkened blue sky. I felt the pain in my heart deepen as I recalled the saddened expression on his face.
He's so caring and I know he must have felt my sadness when I left him....
My eyes widened as I understood the problem this was going to cause.
Oh no! If he can read my emotions so clearly, soon he'll find out that I have fallen for him. I can't let that happen! I'll have to hide my emotions better if I'm to keep our friendship.
But.... how am I going to do this?
My mind continued to wander as I made my way down the street, until I came to a stop at my house. I sighed before walking up to it and opening the door, as I slipped inside I saw my mother and father at the table waiting for me. It was strange how they always waited for me before starting dinner, but I suppose it was what parents did.
"Fumiko, you're finally home. Was everything okay at Sora's" my mother asked turning her attention to me. I said nothing and just shrugged, not really in the mood to talk about it. The way Sora and I had departed really put a damper on my mood even though I had an exciting day with Mr. and Mrs. Saito.
While I sat at the dinner table It was relatively quiet as no one said much. I didn't have much for an appetite either, even though I hadn't eaten much the whole day, so I just used my fork to play around with my food. Soon I realized that my mother and father were staring at me but It didn't really bother me as my mind was stuck on the image of Sora's saddened face trying to figure out how I was going to cope with pretending I felt nothing for him.
"Fumiko honey" I lazily looked up at my mother as she spoke while giving me a light warm smile. "You left pretty early today, earlier than I usually remember you leaving on the weekends, so I'm guessing you and Sora had a lot to talk about?"
"I guess"
My parents looked at each other a little befuddled at my dreary answer but I only sighed and slouched back on my chair.
"Can I be excused? I'm really tired and I want to lie down in my room ." I said as I stood up and pushed back my chair.
"Um...alright"
"Thanks" I sighed again as I headed towards my room.
***
While I sat on the floor by the edge of my bed, I began feeling the weight of the burden I would carry by keeping the feelings I had for Sora a secret.
I didn't want to feel the way I did but I smiled and tried to focus on something else but soon my mind flashed back to Sora.
All I want is to tell him how I feel. Maybe I could....
I rapidly shook my head as I thought it through and realised that confessing to Sora wasn't going to work. I then began to imagine the embarrassing scene it would make.
Sora would probably laugh at me! I mean, I'm just like those boy band fan girls at my school, falling for someone I may never be with - immature and childish . Sora probably wouldn't take me seriously anymore, and if that happens he'll never open up to me again.
As I thought all these things it occurred to me that I didn't know much about Sora's life. Even though we had spent hours talking about random things, it never occurred to me that I didn't know much about his past. Sora always seemed to seldom tread on his past years, and when he did it caused him so much pain - pain which I never wanted him to go through. Sora meant so much to me and prying into his past and upsetting him wasn't something that I wanted, yet there was so much about him that I desired to know.
One thing I knew though was before I had met him, I had forgotten how to smile. My life dragged on in an almost colourless blur until Sora had entered my world and brightened it. I couldn't let go of him and I didn't want to even though I knew that I may never be with him.
As I crawled unto my bed and under my covers, I made a wish, as silly as it sounds before closing my eyes,
I Wish I won't have to ever lose you Sora.
I whispered softly, as my eyes drew shut.
***
The bell rung throughout the hall as I exited my classroom. It simply meant one thing - there was only one period left before school was over. I sighed as I walked towards my locker before leaning on it when I got the chance. Classes that day seemed so boring and all I wanted to do was go home and rest but as I opened my locker and shoved my text book in it, I saw my pair of tennis shoes.
Oh yeah, I've got tennis practice today.
Well I guess that means I'm going to see Jake.
To tell the truth, I hadn't given much thought about what Natalie had told me until that moment.
I wonder what I should say to him when I see him or how I should act around him if it is that he does have a crush on me?
But I guess I don't know what I should feel.
Falling for Sora is making it hard for me to comprehend what I think of Jake...
Well, I suppose I will figure out what to say later when I see him during tennis practice!
As I slammed my locker door shut and turned away from it I was taken a back for I found myself standing face to face with him.
"Fumiko, It's nice to see you" Jake cooed as he rubbed the back of his head.
"Um...I -"
"I'm glad I caught up to you before you left for class, I almost missed you!" He continued with a bright smile.
"Jake there's something I want to - wait... What?" I asked coming to stand beside him.
"You and I have the same chemistry class."
"Oh, yeah that's right, you always sit at the back." I remarked while Jake smiled and nodded.
"So I guess we can walk to class together then, and if you like I can carry your books ."
"Um...Okay." While we walked to class together the hall became quieter as we were the only students left outside of class.
"Fumiko"
"Yeah" , I answered turning to him.
"There is something I've got to tell you."
Oh no, please don't tell me he's trying to say -
" I've known you for a while and well I think that - Well I - What I'm trying to say is..."
Wait! Is he really trying to say -
"I think I have a crush - "
"Aren't you two supposed to be in class?" My chemistry teacher intervened just in time.
"Yes!" I responded quickly before grabbing my books and dashing into class.
Oh my god that was close!
I thought with a sigh as I took my seat. I almost didn't believe it but it was true, Jake had fallen for me.
Oh no! Jake really likes me...
Wait! maybe that's not so bad. If Jake likes me I can keep my mind on that instead of Sora!
I thought just before turning to look at him as he waved to me from the back of the class.
Maybe I can!
Then an image of Sora appeared in my head again.
Or maybe not
"Damn it!" I sighed as I knocked my head on my desk.
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