Arnav's POV.

I thought of waking of her so she could go to her room and sleep comfortable in her bad instead of on the couch sitting like this. My hesitance was that if she would wake, she’d have a hard time falling back asleep. Then I thought of carrying her and moving her myself so she doesn’t wake up. Now my worry is that she might wake up then and I would only be waking it worse. It was no more a wiser choice.

Oh, why was this so difficult?

Trying to do something nice and even for that, I have to think a hundred times.

Debating again and again, I decided to take the risk of moving her myself. If I knew anything from experience with my sister, it was that once sleep, she wouldn’t realize. She would just be so exhausted that she wouldn’t easily wake up.

Not knowing if it would be the same with Khushi, I deemed it best to put it to test first. Gently and for only the briefest of second, I reached for her hand.

She didn’t flinch.

She didn’t wake up.

Letting out a breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding in, I leaned in and slipped one arm under her knees and the other around her back to pick her up quietly and in one effortless move. She was tiny and almost weightless. The back of my head was praying she wouldn’t awake.

Does it work? Could I even call it praying when I didn’t believe in God? Maybe I did deep down but I just didn’t have any faith anymore. How could I when nothing was ever right? He took my parents at a young ago, left Anjali and I all alone, hurt her and she had to grow up earlier than she should have had to. Neither of us had a childhood and specially for her, she didn’t have some good recent years either.

After such a hard life, it was hard to have faith and hold on to it. whatever last ounce I might have had, I was sure I lost it today seeing Khushi in the state I had.

Kicking the door to her room open, I gently laid her on the bed and pulled the covers up to her shoulders. She quickly snuggled in the warmth, turning on her side. She had a book on the bed that I assume she was reading earlier. I lean over her to move it out of the way by leaving it on her side desk.

Turning off the lights, I sat on the chair in her room. The night light seeped through the windows illuminating her fair face in the dark. I breathe out a sigh, exhausted myself from all the thoughts running through my brain.

I was only sitting here to make sure she really was in deep sleep. Neither did I want to leave till Kripa and Riddhima got back. I could leave then knowing she wasn’t alone and if she woke up to any nightmares, someone would be there.

Staying up wasn’t a problem for me. I spent tons of long, sleepless nights sitting next to my sister till she fell asleep. Like I knew she would, she started to twist about half hour later. At her whimper, I got up and sat in the tiny space next to her while holding her hand. She gripped onto it tightly. I didn’t mind helping her as much as I hated seeing her like this.

I used to think I had my fill of post-trauma with my sister.

Right now, it felt like it was starting all over again.

As much as I was familiar with this, I couldn’t ever get used to it.

It used to infuriate me every single time I saw my sister whimpering and crying in her sleep, trashing about and mumbling pleas. It would always take time before she’d snap out of her bad dreams and longer afterwards for me to calm her down and put her to sleep again.

Seeing Khushi do so was no different.

I hated it.

More, I hated that I pretended to be ignorant these months.

Having my sister suffer through it, how could I have ever made the choice to stay back and not do anything, indirectly allowing her to continue suffering on her own? If Anjali heard of this, I knew she’d be disappointed in me. She was in a better place now - not the way she used to be - but she doesn’t tremble at the memory or remain in her depression.

She’s found a healthy outlet.

When Khushi slipped back to sleep, I attempted to free my hand. Alas, she wouldn’t release her grip. “Khushi…” I softly called her thinking she’d hear and let go. It had the opposite effect. She held on to it as if her life depending on it.

Now… this was going to be hard. I couldn’t stay up the whole night. I had already pulled two nighters since last two days for no reason. It was holidays so why the heck not? There was no way I could do it today too. Not like this, sitting here beside her on the tiny space having nothing to keep me busy.

My phone was dead. I had nothing. The room was dark - everything conspiring to make me sleepy.

And falling asleep here was simply not an option. I was known to wake up late. I didn’t trust myself for a second to wake up in the morning before her and leave so she wouldn’t find out. And, if she woke up in the middle of the night, she’d freak out. When I would fall asleep next to Anjali, it was alright. She wouldn’t react terribly because it was me. Her brother.

But Khushi? Hell, she would run the other way and yes, all hell would break loose for her. Again.

I convince myself to stay awake until Kripa and Riddhima come back. Surely, Riddhima would come to check if Khushi was home since we weren’t at the moves and then she could take my spot and I could leave.

If only.

The next I remember is waking up seated on the cold ground with my head on the bead and hand still holding Khushi’s. For a second, I panicked. Then, I noticed she was sleeping. Relief. I look around to see what woke me up and found Riddhima standing behind me.

I opened my mouth to defend myself when she put her index finger in her lips motioning for me to be silent. Quietly, I tug my hand out of Khushi’s and this time, in peaceful sleep, she let go. Getting up, I walked out with Riddhima right behind me.

As soon as we were out of the room and she had closed the door, I whispered, “I didn’t…”

“Thank you,” she interrupted.

“Hmm?” I was confused. When she knew, shouldn’t she be furious that I was there?

There was a soft smile on her face, “From what I see, you helped her.”

I had heard about their friendship in Shimla. I don’t ask her but I have a feeling she knows about me and the phone call.

“Uh… I’ll leave now.”

She stopped me by pointing out, “It’s middle of the night, Arnav. You can stay here if you want.”

I politely declined, “No, it’s fine.”

She didn’t listen and informed, “I’ll get you a blanket.”

I let out a sigh. Why was I letting her order me around? I never allowed that. I always did what I wanted to. I never even listened to Kripa. I barely listened to Anjali, unless I could see that it was something important for her and only then would I listen to what she was asking me to do. There was just something about Riddhima.

I accepted the blanket when she returned, “I’ll sleep in Kripa’s room.”

She nodded and left for Khushi’s room. I too left for Kripa’s. She turned sides to glance towards the door on hearing it open. “Oh, you’re still here? I didn’t see you come in.”

I walked to the other side of the bed and laid down, sighing in the relief as tension left my muscles. “I didn’t want to leave till you guys were home.”

“Hmm, thanks for forgetting my sub, by the way.” She added sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes though she couldn’t see as she’d turned off the lights and her eyes, “It’s in the fridge. You can eat it tomorrow.”

“Good night.

“Night, sis.”

Closing my eyes, I had to push back all sense of thought and reasoning so I wouldn’t get angry thinking again about Khushi and Anjali. Why was world such a small place? Why was it that…?

I barely finished the thought before I fell asleep - lack of sleep from last two days catching up with me.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

I wake up to Kripa jumping on the bed and scolding her, “Kri, stop it. It too early in the morning for your childish behavior.”

She slaps my back, “It’s Christmas morning, you grumpy scrooge!”

My voice was muffled against the pillow, “Merry Christmas then. Now let me sleep.”

Still, she doesn’t listen. She sits on my back, dumping all her weight on it. I let out an oomph at the unexpected burden. Before I can yell at her, she informs. “Di called to ask about you since your phone went to voicemail. So I checked your phone and noticed it was dead. Put it in charging.”

My irritation flies out the window and I move the pillow off my face to speak clearly, “Thank you.”

“Eh, the least I could do after that cold sub sitting in my fridge from last night.” She picks at it again.

I get back at her by shifting on my back and causing her to fall on the other side still in bed.

“Arnie!!” She exclaimed in horror and picked a pillow to swat me.

I blocked it with my arm and questioned, “Will a gift cause you to stop being so violent?”

Her eyes sparkled in interest, “Heck yes. Give it!”

She may be 19 years old but still got hyper and looked forward to receiving gifts on Christmas despite the fact that we weren’t Christians. Rubbing my eyes, I guide her. “Check your closet.”

She jumps off the bed darting towards it at once. Ruffling through it, she pulls out a wrapped wide rectangular box. She opened the box placing the lid on the bed and gasping as she took out the dress folded inside. “Arnav, this is crazily gorgeous!!”

I smiled back, “It’s from di’s newest line. It’s not out anywhere yet.”

She raised a brow, “So I get exclusive first pick?”

“You’re our sister, Kripa. Ofcourse you get exclusive pick. And, because this is a gift, it’s a one piece only. So, di’s design. My money. Your welcome.”

She squished me in a tight hug squealing in joy that made me laugh and almost forget about last night, “These are the rare times I’m glad to have you as my brother.”

Shaking my head in her happiness, I kiss her temple, “Love you too, sis.”

“I’m going to go try it on!” She informed picking it up.

“Sure, let me know if it needs fixing though I’m sure di had it made to your fitting. I’m going to get going.”

“Already?”

“Yeah, you know. It’ll take me atleast 2-3 hours to drive there.”

She nodded sobering up as she asked, “Are you going to come back or catch the flight home straight away?”

“Probably will head to the airport straight,” I answered taking my phone out of charging and slipping it in my pockets with my car keys and wallet.

“Alright, safe travels.” She wished walking up to me and giving me a parting hug.

I ask, “You sure you don’t want to come?”

She lightly joked pulling back, “Spend a week with the ‘rents? Thanks, but I’ll pass.”

I reprimand her, “They’re your parents, Kripa. They’re not your enemies.”

She glanced at me sideways, “You’re saying that? Dad tried to take away everything that was yours and di’s.”

I pointed the facts, “Tried. Didn’t succeed.”

She shook her head and somewhere, I did understand. His thinking was too orthodox. He would restrict Kripa a lot. It’s understandable Kripa doesn’t want to go back but sometimes I wish she would understand that regardless of their relationship, she was lucky to have her parents alive.

I drop the topic, “Anyway, your choice. I’ll let you know when I get there. Take care and don’t go off partying carelessly, got it?”

She rolled her eyes, “Bro, please. Don’t give me your typical lectures. And don’t worry about me. I’ll be here with Ridzzi and Khushi probably playing boring old board games and watching movies.”

I laughed at how dull she was making her friends sound and bid, “Bye,” before reaching for the door.

She added, “Say hi to my nephew for me! And don’t forget to take his gift I got for him.”

“Sure,” I answered and walked out of the room. Everything was quiet outside so I imagine those two are still sleeping.

After last night… I think getting away and going home to my sister and our life there was going to be a much-needed break.

Maybe, I’d get some clarity and I could get rid of all this anger and pain inside of me being around people closest to me around whom I didn’t have to pretend to be someone else, people around whom I was free to feel as I wished and didn’t have to control my heart.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .