[Arnav's POV]

What was Khushi doing? Did she not know it herself? Ofcourse, she did… and yet, she was doing nothing to stop it. Why? She had to know, playing this silly resolution charade was going to tear her apart. No good was going to come out of this. Not for any time soon, that’s for sure.

I watched as Riddhima hugged her, “Happy New Year!”

Khushi answered with a smile and whispering it back - her smile was forced and didn’t reach her eyes. It never did. Not in the short time I have been around her. “It’s going to be one hell of a new year.”

See! She does know. She’s an idiot, I tell you. Knowing it all and yet doing nothing to escape it. It almost made me want to do something about it. Something like knocking some sense in that tiny skull of hers called a brain. I had left for a week because I couldn’t bear to be around her after that had happened. I needed to be away before I ended up doing something I shouldn’t.

And yet, I returned early having made a decision - thanks to my best friend, Lavanya.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

I was seated on the swing in the front of the house when Lavanya joined me holding out a bag of chips. I raised a brow at her, “If that’s a bribe for talking, then no.” I shut her down there itself knowing very well she did not offer her chips without getting something in return. She kept a whole private stash of it in her apartment just for herself.

She rolled her eyes at me and still took the spot next to me indicating whether or not I ate along with her, we were going to talk. “Di mentioned you’ve been eerily quiet since you’ve come home.”

“It’s nothing,” I mumbled digging my hand in the packet. Might as well eat with her flaunting it in front of me.

She bluntly called me on my crap. “As your best friend, I say I don’t believe you at all.”

I sighed and swallowing, informed. “Just a decision I made some time ago.”

“Okay?” She said to encourage me to keep sharing.

“I think I might have rushed into it too quickly.”

“Something you did or didn’t do?”

“Didn’t do.”

She answered with a nod and letting silence take over as she thinks even though I didn’t give her any specifics.

It forced me to voice out my thoughts further, “I didn’t want to get into someone else’s mess but now I think I was being selfish… especially when I know I could have helped. Should have helped. I should have known better… and someone suffered a lot because of my ignorance.”

She tried to lessen my guilt, “Arnav, being selfish is human nature. In anything and everything we do or don’t do, we’re looking for our best interests. You shouldn’t feel guilty for it.”

“Selfish… is that what you call what you’re doing for me? For my family?” I questioned unable to stop from connecting it to her actions.

“Isn’t it? You’ve always defended me even when we barely talked to each other. You’ve always understood me the way no one ever has so far. What makes you think I want to lose that friendship, Arnav? By helping you, I’m helping myself. Call it what you want, but it is selfish.”

I shook my head for I didn’t believe it. “You let your family disown you, La. That’s not being selfish. That’s called a sacrifice.”

“One you didn’t ask me to make, I know. But I still did in my selfish reasons. Anyway, we’re not talking about us here. You said you should have helped this person. Can’t you help them now?”

“I don’t know. I think I might want to but can’t.”

She questioned the ridiculousness behind it, “You can’t help someone? Arnav Singh Raizada? I refuse to believe that.”

“La, I’m serious. I made a mistake and I’m not proud of it.”

She got serious and brushed her palms together to clean them before reaching for my hand. “Alright, look. The hardest part is to admit you made a mistake and you’ve already done that. I don’t need to know the exact circumstances but I do know this about you, Arnav. You have a strong conscience and it will never leave you in peace. Mistakes can be fixed and if you are thinking this much about it, then it can’t be too late to change your decision you made that you regret.”

“Regret might be stretching it.”

She swatted my hand before settling back next to me, “Don’t give me that shit, Arnav. Act like that heartless person in front of others but know that I know you better. You do regret it. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be here… home but with your head miles away. When you’re home, you’re home. You’re always happy then but not this time. That, my friend, is called regret.”

I asked rhetorically in an attempt to chastise her, “Why do I let you be around me?”

She nevertheless answered without taking it to heart, “Because you need me to keep you sane from your life. Now, fix your mistake.”

Despite me losing my temper multiple times, she never takes anything I say to heart. It’s as if she has a sixth sense that tells her when I don’t mean what I say.

“I don’t know how to.”

“Figure it out! I once told you, all I try to do every day is one thing better than I did yesterday and that’s how I chose to grow as a person. Try that. Do better and help this person. And if you can’t help it to be better, then atleast try. If you don’t even try… well then, I just might have to call you a coward and I think you’re better than that. You’re welcome to prove me wrong though.”

Giving a piece of her mind, she forced the almost empty packet of chips in my hand and stomped off.

Well… even if I didn’t do anything after listening to her words, I just might so she isn’t angry at me. Because a pissed Lavanya? Yeah, that’s not a scene in my life I ever want to witness - atleast not when that anger is directed at me.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

I had come back earlier deciding to do something about this though having no clue how. As I watched others around us, just the general public gathering to watch the fireworks, my attention pulled back to Khushi even though Kripa jumped in front of me and threw her arms around my neck exclaiming. “Happy new year bro!”

I wished her back, returning her hug and luckily, Kripa went on to our friends to celebrate with them.

Khushi… it was written all over her face, just how uncomfortable she was. She was starting to panic the way her fingers began fumbling around before she hugged herself and nails dug into her skin. She was trying to be subtle but anyone closely watching would figure out she was trying to keep distance between her and another body.

How does she expect to do that when she’s literally surrounded by a crowd?

That regret Lavanya mentioned. “Oh, fuck it.” I muttered under my breath and moved to stand right behind her. For tonight, I knew how to be better than I was yesterday.

She stiffened having sensed a presence behind her. She was about to move when I warned in her ear. “Don’t.”

That’s when she truly froze having realized I was closer than she had realized.

I blinked away from the tiny hair on her neck stand up and eyed around looking for a path out. Finding one, I asked. “Will you hold my hand?”

I knew the answer but I still wanted to try.

“No.”

I sighed and she hugged herself tighter. I was confused till I realized she felt my breath on her nape. I closed my eyes. Even when I try to help, I seem to mess up. Now, am I supposed to stop breathing?

I couldn’t help the irritation because I couldn’t figure out how to get her somewhere she would feel safe, “You make it hard for others to help you, you know that?”

She snapped back, “I didn’t ask for your help.”

Her tone, surprisingly, didn’t bother me as I realized something. If she kept her focus on something else, even if it was her dislike for me, it was for the better. Least, it would keep her distracted.

So, I asked intentionally to rile her up, “Oh, sweet pea, what have I ever done to you to make you despite me so much?”

“Do not call me that,” came her gritted response.

It made me chuckle. Call me abnormal for smiling midst her temper but it was rare I got to hear her voice and when I did, I have to admit… it was the gentlest and kindest even if her intention was to snap at me. There was a hint of sadness in it that only someone who had gone through some pain and loss in their lives might be able to detect.

I replied sarcastically to keep it up as I had to get her out of here, “Happy new year to you too.”

“What?” She questioned and I understood her confusion. The two things had nothing in common.

I raised my hand in front of me and instructed instead, “Hold on to my jacket.”

She repeated, “What?”

“You aren’t mentally challenged, Khushi. You heard me. Do it.” She stood there for a few seconds glaring at me for insinuating she was slow to understand before finally, hesitantly, she moved her hand and carefully held a part of my sleeve. “Follow me.”

This time, she listened without a question even as her hold on my sleeve tightened, tugging it and I realized I was walking too fast. I was too preoccupied with getting her away that I forgot she wasn’t a match for my strides.

I paused, thinking of giving her time to catch up. Unfortunately, it resulted in her crashing into me as she hadn’t anticipated me to stop. I shut my eyes in concern. There it goes down the hill. My effort, wasted. So much for wanting to help her.

I turned to her, expecting her to scold me but her eyes were shut tight. “Please…” She barely whispered.

It was too loud around with the firecrackers bursting in air and the cheers of the people to hear it but I could read her lips. I figured, damage was already done. What worse could happen next?

So, I grabbed her hand and pulled her along, out of there, fast.

A minute later we arrived in the parking out. I had practically rushed us there else it would have been a good five-minute stroll from where we were on the beach. Though, as soon as we were away from the crowd, I’d let her hand go. Even if I had held it and it wouldn’t have gotten worse, I knew it would be tormenting her every second I held on to it longer than needed.

She had seemed to be grateful for it even though she didn’t say it as she continued to follow me till we reached my car.

I said hoping she was listening, hoping she still had sense of her surroundings. “Focus on your breathing. It’ll slow down your heart.”

Her eyes blinked up at me as she gasped and took a step back. “You.”

That wasn’t the reaction I expected. Her eyes were usually blank and distant but there was something scarier about them in this moment… as if lost. Her tone was accusing but the fury conveyed it was more than just the accusation for holding her hand. It was something else.

For a second, my heart froze in fear. Did she know?

“You stay the hell away from me.” Her voice, so cold. Gone was the sweet voice capable of melting just about anyone’s heart - this I could guarantee for if it could melt mines, it could melt anyone’s.

I shake my head, answering my earlier question. No. She couldn’t know.

“Khushi, it’s me.” I gently spoke taking a step closer to her. She moved back. “Arnav.”

The name seemed to flash in her mind for she looked away in a blink. A couple of times. Then, they returned to me. Fear replaced fury. They travelled to her palm she stretched out in front of her - the hand I had held.

My eyes followed her movements but something didn’t click right with me. What made her so furious? It couldn’t be what I was thinking so what was it?

I asked hoping to distract her from thinking about my touch, “Do you want to go home?” The way she was staring at it, I had a feeling my touch was lingering on her palm as if she could still feel my hand holding hers.

She whispered, eyes still on her hand. “Why?”

“Why?” I repeated trying to understand her question. “Why what?”

“Why did you help me?” She gulped and closed her palm in a fist, his fingers digging into the palm of her skin so sharp that I feared she would draw blood. “You always are either taunting me or irritating the life out of me.”

“Excuse me?”

I barely talked to her. I barely said anything to her. The only thing I know of that makes her mad is when I call her sweet pea. And I’ve only done that twice. The very first time when she warned me not to and tonight.

“Oh, don’t act innocent. You may be all quiet and not say anything directly to me but I see the look on your face all the time. Judging me. If you hate me so much, why would you help me?”

Is that what she thought? I wasn’t judging. I was trying to look out for her… even when every time I would decide to stop. Besides… if only I could tell her it wasn’t hate for her but for myself and the pain. Her past. My past.

Recalling she was waiting for an answer, I gave her one I knew she wouldn’t easily accept, “Think what you will. I’m not as heartless as you take me for.”

Even though this is true, I would never tell her the real reasons.

She scoffed, “Yes, I find that hard to believe.”

As much as I wasn’t liking her attitude, I had to be thankful that she wasn’t having a breakdown like last week. Her anger for me was keeping her distracted. “Believe it or not, sweet pea, that is hardly my concern.”

If my turning a cold shoulder was going to help her, then so be it. That is exactly what I shall do. I will accept her taunts and judging remarks with open arms.

She called after I had taken a good few steps away from her ready to go back and join others. “Wait.” Turning to face her, I raised a brow hinting at her to go on. She seemed to debate for a second before continuing, “I don’t want to fight right now. Can you take me home?”

I countered just to make it difficult, “Why should I continue to help you after what you accuse me of?”

“It’s not an accusation, is it, if it is the truth?”

Oh, this was getting annoying. Is this what I am going to have to keep up with, even when my only intention is to help her? Does she really believe I am heartless? Come on, has she not seen the way I treat Kripa?

“One condition. Keep your little mouth shut on the way back.” I didn’t wait for her to accept as I already knew she would if she wanted to get home as desperately as I think she does. Passing her, I mumbled, “Knowing you, it shouldn’t be so hard to do.”

She sent me a daggered look for she heard me. Good. I intended for her to. Well, not ‘good’. I was purposely fueling her anger towards me. Okay, given it worked, maybe it was good.

Damn, you know what? This whole thing is just plain twisted.

Why did I come back early deciding to fix my mistakes? Not wanting to lose Lavanya as a friend was going to cost me dearly even as I bear grief from Khushi.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .