The world was mine. I could have done anything, and indeed, I did it all. I was submerged with a feeling of superiority, immortality, and secretly — to my naive ignorance — idiocy.

My eyes were still shut as I overheard multiple voices, all, but my own. My ears hurt. The rattling of the bed they transported me on was nothing but a nuisance.

Why go through all this trouble for a being like me?

I wouldn't have saved myself if I were you.

The world is better off without a such an irresponsible person.

These were the thoughts occupied my mind whilst they carried me in a frenzy of panic, like the slaves that they were, throughout the hospital.

Not once did I blink to check in on who was who. Perhaps, if I was ever asked why, I’d tell them I was tired. However, the reality of it was, that as daring as I’d been: I simply couldn’t face of the pain I had caused them after doing this to myself.

▪

I frowned.

I’m still here, I thought as I awoke and scanned the room for a hint of the time.

I recall this moment very clearly. A part of me was still hoping this was all just a dream as I searched for something familiar to soothe my woes in this cold white room.

The ones who’d been present during my accident, who called themselves my friends, hadn’t shown their sad little faces. My family had done no more than them, or so it seemed, at least in my waking hours.

I pressed a button. A nurse came rushing through the door several seconds after. "You're awake!" she exclaimed.

Nothing to be so happy about... I rolled my eyes internally, because doing it externally would be rude, and nobody wants to be rude to the people in charge of your IV drips — safety first kids, as aunt Cathy always used to say.

"Yes, I am." I spoke in a voice smaller than I remembered mine to be.

The middle-aged woman then followed with the obvious, "How do you feel?"

How did I feel?

Quite frankly, I felt like shit.

I felt dead from both inside and out.

I felt like the only human left on this planet.

I was lonely, tired, permanently disgusted and hateful towards the people and myself.

"I feel better than before,” I said, “thanks to your help. Although I do admit my bones to be slightly aching, I suppose this is normal?"

I forced a smile, a mask I had mastered to hide my inner pains, and stared blankly into her blue eyes.

“Well…” She cleared her throat. “Considering what you’ve been through, I’m not surprised. Would you like more painkillers?”

What I need, woman, is for you to leave so that I may reflect on my stupidity.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you for asking."

“All right!” she cheered, “if you need anything, feel free to let me know.”

Seriously, why is she so enthusiastic? It’s the middle of the night.

"Thank you," I said, observing as she closed the door, leaving a tiny shine of light behind her that crawled into my room from the corridor.

I sighed.

This place reminded me of death itself.

It sucked.

I glanced out the window close to my bed. It was enormous. Anyone who stood beside it seemed small, insignificant. The city was asleep. I guess that was one heck of a normal observation considering it was late. What wasn’t normal, however, was the fact that silence was not the only sound occupying this room anymore.

Laughter.

It was faint, but, if one listened hard enough — it became quite the disturbing sound.

"There goes my sleep…" I muttered as I dragged my tired legs and body towards whomever it was that found so much joy in infiltrating someone’s hospital room after hours.

Looking back on it, it was a pretty stupid move, and I have no excuses as to why did it other than ‘I was a pretty stupid kid back then’.