I was out of the hospital, and, to my dismay that also meant the return of classes. It’s not like I disliked school, however, I couldn’t vouch for it being my favourite place either. The first three periods were boring, as always, fourth period was English. I enjoyed English. We had debates. We read books. And I could have almost called it peaceful, if it weren’t for the whispered nagging of my classmates, about my stay in the sick people place.

When recess came around, the rumours grew to become too much, and so I fled outside towards a small veranda; property of the school. It was still quite cold out, and therefore nobody was stupid enough to eat here, that is except for Alec and I.

I bumped his knee playfully, with my leg, to signal my presence. “Hey,” I said.

Alec beamed. “Hi,” he replied.

As I propped myself down next to him, I sighed. The scenery surrounding us was, in all honesty, simply quite lovely. Birds could be seen taking shelter, as they flew for their sweet little lives, amongst the pitter patter that gave way to the cosy smell of a rainstorm. Sure, it wasn’t the middle of summer, and we were basically sitting on moist wood for all we knew. But I wouldn’t have given this up for anything, especially not a smelly classroom with closed windows, because where was the freedom in that? I thought.

Lazily, I tore open a cereal-bar, and kicked my feet in the air whilst leaning against my left arm.

Alec was silent as he ate the potato salad in his lunchbox, prepared with love and extra care for him, by his mother. “I guess I don’t even need to ask you how it went,” he laughed, “but look on your face says it all.”

I gave him a glare that signified that I was completely done with all of this.

He snickered again, “were they really that bad?” Alec asked, lifting an eyebrow as a look of genuine concern suddenly took over his face.

"Nah,” I said, waving my cereal-bar around, “but you know how they get. It's like being part of a freak show for a day. I dislike it."

I took another bite from the crunchy goodness between my palms. It wasn’t home-made, but hey, it was enough. And I didn’t want to be greedy, for greedy was bad. Nor did I want to be jealous, because that was also bad. Not having a home-made lunch was a joke compared to all the other potential problems a kid could have. So, you know, whatever, I thought.

"Come on, Erika, don’t think like that. You aren’t a freak. You’re one of the most human people I know.”

I wasn’t an idiot, I knew Alec was trying to reassure me, and that maybe he didn’t really mean that after knowing about all that I’d done. His smile was pained with sadness. And I chose a vow of silence as my response, because if someone was cheering you up, I only thought it natural to accept it. It’s like when you get something crappy for your birthday, and you want to be like what were you thinking? Why did you get me this? But you also know, on the other hand, that the person spent ridiculous amounts of time and money on it, so you just say yeah, thanks, I love it. Even if you don’t really. Anyway, in both cases, please don’t do either of those things. Please don’t throw people away and take them granted.

I took a gulp of water from my newly brought bottle and snorted. “Maybe that’s what makes me such a freak,” I said.

“Erika,” Alec groaned as he met my gaze, his brows furrowed.

“Okay,” I rolled my eyes, “okay, I’ll stop.”

Not like I’m particularly keen on getting on his bad side and losing the only person I trust anyway.

”Still,” he said, looking down to his knees, “when they found you, I couldn’t help but think of…” Alec trailed off.

I frowned and rested my hand against my hip. “I’m not a child,” I told him. “You can say whatever it is you want to say, Alec.”

“Well… you know, when you were bullied…”

I raised a brow.

Were?

I think he’d missed the part where me being harassed was still a thing, but no matter, I let him go on.

“I’d just finished soccer practice, and then I found you lying in all that mud, and… And blood. Your blood.” Alec was clearly uneasy as his forest-green eyes scanned our surroundings for a way out. “I know it wasn’t the same, but the feelings I felt were, and each time I think about it I get more and more fearful of losing you.” His fingers seemed to tremble, but then again, it might have been an illusion; it might have been the cold.

“Yeah,” I chuckled, “I guess I was pretty beaten up, wasn’t I? Good thing Alec the knight without armour is here to save me each time.” I tried to smile, I really did, I attempted to change the subject and pass this off as nothing.

But Alec wouldn’t let me drop it.

“Erika,” he looked at me with determination in his eyes, in his voice, his pupils dilated. Alec gently grabbed hold of my wrist, who’d been in the air, and urged my arm down slowly. Let’s be clear, had this been another one of my classmates, I definitely would have punched him. However, this was Alec, and strangely I wasn’t bothered when he was the one touching me.

“W-what is it?” I said, still a bit surprised to find that he hadn’t let go after a few seconds, and was still holding onto my skin ever so gently with his large warm palm.

Alec’s shoulders slugged as he finally released my skin, before looking down, then right back at me. “Nothing,” he said, almost too seriously, “we should eat before break is over.”

I nodded and gave him an approving hum.

“And, Erika?” He added, his words tense.

I met his gaze, filled with a storm I’d never seen in before, and said, “yes?”

“I…” Alec scratched his elbow and looked to the side. I wondered why he appeared to be ashamed when there was nothing to be embarrassed about. But like many things, I figured it was something to be answered when silence, patience and time. “I know you joke about me being a too good for this world knight, but I really mean it, I just want the best for you. So, be careful, okay?”

To this, I could only shrug and say, “sure.” Although I admit, it was strange, for I truly felt like Alec had wanted to say something else back there. Something more than just a mere reminder to be wary of myself. Yet, when I opened my mouth to ask him, the bell rang and it was already time to go back inside.

Five hours, about a dozen stinky teenagers, a few lectures and more questions about my stay at the hospital later – school was finally over, and I couldn’t have been more relieved.

Alec and I had a ritual of waiting for each other in order to walk home together at the end of each day. It had started off purely as a simple safety precaution during the period where the bullying first began, and somehow, it became a habit that neither of us had put off since then; not even once. However, today was a bit different. Today, I broke our ritual.

If I’d changed, if I was simply just tired, I wasn’t sure.

Maybe it was a little bit of both.

Maybe it was neither.

I walked along the riverbanks of my town and the tiny little stone wall by my side. The sun was setting early, after all, it was that time of the year. Orange leaked out from the trees lined up ahead. It was nice, and I found it funny how scenery changed depending on who you were with, what mood you were in, the time of the day and moment of the year, and how long you took to observe it. I thought it to be magical, and as I paused to look up to the sky with my hands rested against the straps of my backpack, I hoped I still had some magic left in me.