I went back to the school with the guys. I didn't feel like being alone tonight after what I just did. It was a shitty feeling but I had to do it. It had to be done or he would've turned and hurt other people or kill him. So I killed him. I took a life, something that was only four years or so younger than me. I thought about this all the way to the school. I wanted to stop seeing his eyes every time I close mine. I try ignoring it, it stopped for a bit but when I let my mind go blank all I saw his dark blue eyes looking at me. It was driving me crazy. And it was only five p.m and I had done this two hours ago but it felt like I did it only minutes ago. I didn't want to close my eyes or stop thinking, if I did I would see him and his eyes. I hated it! I had no choice! End him before he turns or let him live for however long he had and let him kill someone else. I wanted to yell! I wanted to yell at the dead, for his eyes to leave me be! I couldn't do that, I killed him and this was something I had to live with. I had to live seeing his eyes stare at me lifelessly.

I needed to get out of my head. I needed to do something to stop thinking of him. I went to the office and started working on plans to build up our defenses. I've been working at if for a few hours when I notice someone turned on one of the portable lamps. It was Claire. She looks at me with a worried expression. I looked away and continue drawing up plans for a wall to block off the block and watch towers for guards to look out from. I didn't want to look back up at her. I didn't want her staring at me with that worried look. I didn't want to be look at, at all by anyone! I stood up and started to make my way to the door when Claire grab my arm. I tried to shake her off but her gripped tighten. I didn't want to look her in the face, I kept my head down. I felt her hand under my chin forcing me to look up at her. She was about a good four inches taller than me. I tried pulling away from her but she held on tight. She didn't say anything she just looked at me. I didn't want to look her in the eyes. I knew if I did I would break and that's the last thing I needed. Instead of looking at me she pulled me into a hug.

My body tense at the sudden action. I didn't know what to do. I don't hug people let alone touch my own family. I hated people touching me. This is why I am anti-social. Yet here I am in someone's arms holding me tight. She grab my by my arms and said "I know that look, I've seen it before and I've had that look before." I just stare at her and didn't make a sound."I'm not going to say it get better because it never does. You just learn to live with it" she said. Then Claire let me go and walked away from me. I stood there numb. I didn't want to live with this. It has been about ten day since this all started and I've only ever kill these things. How can I live with killing someone who was actually alive! I mean these things weren't people anymore! They weren't human! That little girl was and so was he! Then she turn and took a bite out of him damn it! What was I supposed to do? I was too late to help the little girl but I could of helped him! I wasn't fast enough. I could of help him! I was going crazy. I wanted it to stop. I wanted it all to stand still. My body began to shake and my breathing became shallow. Breathing was hard and I couldn't stop shaken all I felt was the world crushing me. The weight was cut me deep that I feel the blood on my body as I gasp for air trying so hard to stay calm. I couldn't stop. I ran out of the room away from where the room where people were and ran. I couldn't stop. I find some stairs and ran up them until I ran to the roof. I was trap. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breath. I dropped to my knees rocking back and forth. I broke. I let it. I let out my cry of anger and of rage and of sadness. I shook hard as the sobs ripped through my body. I was alone until I felt something warm engulf me in a tight embrace. I look up and saw that it was Sally. Sally looked me in the eyes and pulled me closer to her. I was shaking but I didn't care. This felt good.

She held me and let me cried. After I was done she didn't question it and left me alone on the roof top. I took out my phone to played See my tears by Machine Gun kelly , it helped calm me down. As I look up to the night saw the street lights began to shut of section by section until I was alone in the darkness with the light of the moon and now visible star. I stare out into the sky as the sound played softly in the background. When it was over I shut off my phone saving its battery. I stay where I was, I shiver a bit because of the cold but I didn't want to go inside just yet. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts and come to term with it. After a few minutes, I made my way back inside the school. It was pretty late but people were still up. I looked at my watch and it was only eight. I made my way back to the classroom we all stay in but before doing that I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I walked in and Sally and Claire looked up at me and smile. I give a small smile back and went to my cot. Jade was laying down on her bed and Tabi came running towards me. She jumped into my arms and hugged me. I didn't know how to react to this but I just wrapped my arms are the small girl. She kissed me on the cheek and ask me to read her a book. I couldn't say "no" to her so I told her to get me one and I'll read it. After ten or so minutes she came back with a thick book in her hands.

It was the Grimm fairy tales, no not the soft kid version, it was the dark one. I flip open the book picking any random story. Rapunzel was the story that I read to Tabi. When I finish reading Tabi was sound asleep in my arms. I didn't want to wake her but when I tried to set her down on a different cot she wouldn't let go of me. So I lay down with her and someone shut off their lamp and darkness consume the room. I didn't want to sleep, I was scared of what I might see when I close eyes. But I knew I had too. If I didn't I would be a problem and not be able to focus on the task at hand. Or worst someone or I could die. I couldn't live with myself if someone died because of me. The boys and Sally would be mad and sad. I have to go to sleep. I have to. So I took a deep breath and close my eyes and wait for the nightmares to start.

I saw his eyes. His dark blue eyes looking up at me as I squeeze the trigger. His eyes are lifeless and cold. Blood seeps onto the street. Bright red blood slowly turning black. I close my eyes and I see him again. He was standing there without a bit mark on his face. His dark blue eyes looking at me. His lips start to move but I can't hear him. He starts yelling but still no sound was heard. I back away from him and I drop my weapon. It goes off and he falling to the ground. I try to make a sound but I can't. I see his dark blue lifeless eyes looking at me with a bullet hole in his head. He talking and I can't hear him. I woke up in a cold sweat. I look around and it's still dark out. I can't stop thinking about his eyes. I can't fucking stop it! I get up from the cot and find my bag. My iPod was in there with my headphone. I turn it on and it has a full battery, my phone was almost halfway gone. I plug in my headphone and find a MGK song. See My Tears came on. This song calm me down a bit, I just put it on repeat and listening to it five more times. I turned off my iPod and put it back in my bed. It was two in the morning. I needed to go back to sleep but I didn't want to see his eyes again. That's all I can see the moment I close my eyes. Just his eyes, his dark blue eyes. I woke up with a shake. Someone was shaking me and I opened my eyes. Looking down at me was Abby. she had a worried look on her face. I got up and walked out the room. Jimmy was making food. I wasn't hungry but I knew I had to eat. I went to the office to look at the map of my city, Manhattan. Jimmy came in with Jade and handed my a bowl of soup and a cup of water. I guess it was time to tell them about where I live. "Jimmy I need to tell you and your brothers something" I said.

"I live in the museum on the top floor in a office" I said. They look at me like I was crazy. "Look I got a crap ton of supplies that you can use that I gather before I met you all. Let's go and get it" I told them. After eating we made our way to my home. I mean it was still my home but I also had a second home with the boys. I took my rope out of its hiding place and began the climb up. Jimmy and Erin followed me up with Zac stayed outside with Jade. I had a lot of things here and told them to take but leave ten cans and ten water bottles incase I came back to just be alone and some medical supplies. I helped them take almost all of it and lower it out of the window. 30 minutes later we were done and the two brothers were making there way out the window and I just wanted to be alone for a moment. They called my name and I told them I'd be down in a second. One last look and I was out the window. After climbing down the boys and I grab the supplies and walk up the block to The School. I didn't feel like being surrounded by people. So after putting the supplies away, the medical with the medical and food with food. I left. I just walked out without saying anything. Then my talkie came to life. It was Sally. "Hey where are you going"? She asked me. "I just want to be alone and shit". I said. She didn't reply, I'm guessing she told the boys. I walked towards to the water. It wasn't a cold day for late January. It has been almost a month and we were kicking it. I mean I meet some nice people and save them, but I fail one. It hurt so bad, but I knew I have to move on from it. I was near a park when I saw a group of people. It didn't come as a shock but they look like they needed help.