It was a few days since I last saw anyone that was alive. I was pretty close to Columbia University but I still didn't see anyone. It was weird, i mean a lot of people went here from all over the world but yet i saw no one. No signs of life. It was like no one was here but this place was huge. Maybe they are people here but they are just good at hiding or they are all died and are now growlers and tickers. Whatever if anyone was alive they should be able to figure all this shit out by themselves. I wasn't anyone's babysitter anymore. I just wanted some peace in a not so peaceful place right now. I just wanted to let loose and stop thinking about that kids dark blue eyes and how I choose to study a kid then to end his life. Why am i like this? How can I be so put off by doing things that I need to do one second then the next do it for something to gain? I am a shit of a person. It's mid day now and i just want to relax. I don't feel like climbing to a rooftop but i have to. It's safe up there. Growler and tickers can't climb, I know that for sure. They are kind of slow but when they hear noise and tickers will take off like a motherfucking track star after your ass while a growler runs more like a hype up kids on candy. I saw a two story building and climb that. It was close to them ground and there aren't many tall building in this area. I mean they are but most of them are churches and the college.

I just wanted to smoke and listen to music. But I can't because I don't have anything to smoke other than newports which i throw out because they got wet and I am saving my Ipod and phone battery. So I can listening to it later. Damn why am I like this? Well that's a question that will never be answer. I am walking alone in what use to be the busy streets on Manhattan with no jacket because a dead kid is wrapped in it and it is cold as shit. I didn't want to go inside because I am too damn lazy and annoyed about clearing rooms just to sleep. I know I need to be I don't have to right now. The sky was clear not a cloud in the sky and it was all good. Then that's when I felt it. A single raindrop. I hated everything. It was going to start fucking raining and it was cold as fuck. I need to find someplace to stay dry and not get sick. Good thing I was on a rooftop because it was easy access to windows. I didn't have anything to open the window with so I kicked it in. I was in a nice room. It look to be a living room that high end. I needed to block the broken window but that could wait. I just wanted to lay down on something soft and relax, but I can't not ever again because we are trap in a death trap city. I got up to find something to cover the broken window and that's when the rain started. I was lucky I cover it up in time but somehow the rain calm me. I needed to be calm and not be in my head all the time. I needed to be still and not move. I needed my thoughts to stop.

I needed to forget where I am and just be okay again. I just want to forget about what I've done and who I've killed. But I couldn't. I just couldn't forget his dark blue eyes or they guys who bleed out and then bashing in a dead man head. I want to stop seeing this everytime I close my eyes I just send it over and over again like it is some bad movie on repeat. Why can't I move on from this? I don't want to live with this! I don't want to get use to it! I don't want this life to be my new normal! But I know it will and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I could just give up but something in me is telling me not to. The voice of doubt that used to taunt me is now helping me. I just didn't want to listen to it. I wanted it to be over, I wanted to be okay and fine and wake up from this fucked up dream. This nightmare but it was my reality. It was everyone who is still alive new reality. I needed to shut my mind off. I needed to stop thinking before I lose myself even more. I needed a pick me up to get out of my head. I am in some nice apartment I bet that they have some booze. I looked all over the place until I find me a nice full bottle of honey Jack Daniels. I didn't have anything to mix it with but I didn't care. I wanted to feel the burn it left.

I looked around the place some more and find some cans of food and water. I wanted to eat before I drink, didn't want a super bad hangover. Each room that was here was decked out and super nice. The last room has a king size bed that was calling my name. After making sure it was okay for me to rest and to get my drink on, I went back to the room with my Jacks in hand. I ate my can food and open the bottle to wash down the taste. My throat burn but I did not care. I just wanted one night where I don't see his blue eyes or the other people I've killed. I just wanted a night to myself, to feel like a twenty year old again and not worrying about dying for just one night. I will get that night tonight drunk out of my mind. As the liquor find its way down my throat my body began to relax and feel warm. I find the bed to be amazingly soft and warm. I was feeling great. The liquor was doing its job and I was feeling at ease and my mind was blink.

I thought to myself "this is amazing" but I know that this was only for tonight. It would last just one night and then i'd go back to the real world of my reality and hate it. I knew when I woke up after my night of drinking and letting go I would have to get my shit together and survive. Somehow I can't keep pushing forward. I just wanted to lay here and drink. This apartment drinking my mind away. Leaving this reality for another but I knew in my gut I can't do that. I helped people make a home out of this hellhole and I just can't stop that. I know I ran from them but I couldn't stay there. I needed to get my shit together but I also needed this night. I don't know what to think or do, I just wanted to be free. So I took my jacks and took a big drank of it feeling the burn go down and the sweet honey after taste of it. I just laid there on the big bed drinking my ght away.

I woke up with a slight hangover and an empty bottle of jack's next to me. Thinking to myself "damn why did I do this" then remembering that i am in fact in hell. Trapped in my city with flesh eating things that I don't really want to call zombies but are in fact just that. Zombies. I need to eat and rest then head out to see if anyone needs my help. I don't know what I can do but I can see them to The School or the ferries where some people are living at. I am a fuck up but I just can't let people died even though I did leave behind this small now growing group that I somehow made. I guess that's why I'm the leading. I form a group and help others when no one else did or knew what was going on. I saw it all happen and I somehow lived through it all till this day. A month to the day it all happen. I saved people and help give them a home and taught them. I made all this happen and yet I ran I am a fucking coward.

Even if I was a coward I still have shit to do. I need to make my way to the campus that close by and explore it and then I'll radio for supplies in the area. Maybe I'll find people who need a place to stay that is safer than here. Then I need to go to BMCC and help my a settlement there and help set that up. I just needed a moment to myself and to stop the small pounding between my eyes. I knew why i drank but why did I drank the whole damn bottle. Just why did I down it all but I knew why. I wanted to let go and be free from this hell but now I have to get my shit together and get out there. I went looking around the apartment looking for some painkillers and something to eat. After finding some canned food and some Advil I started to feel better and the pounding behind my eyes lessen. Getting ready and dress, I made sure I had all my crap with me and went to the broken window to climb out of. I made my way towards Columbia University to check out the campus and see if anyone was still alive. I think I just wanted to go there to explore the campus because it was a lot different than mine. I want to school in the Bronx and this is on a hundred and 16th Street and Harlem,so it was a bit different than my old school. Make my way towards the campus I didn't encounter anyone that was alive Only The NeverEnding Undead that used to be the population of New York City. moving and hiding in the shadows, being as quiet as possible so I didn't want to attract any of the tickers that were near. Growlers were easy to avoid because they couldn't really see or hear. I'm making to Columbia University's campus and look for supplies and survivors really. I don't really expect to find much. On my way there I didn't really see anything worth the scavenging. All are really sore my broken into stores and the dead walking among us from the shadows. As I'm getting closer and closer to the campus I see the gates that surround the school well parts of the buildings in the school word cluttered and filled with garbage.

Walking around I noticed that I'm near the science building. I try to look for a way in because the doors were blocked and saw an open window that I can fit into. Good thing I'm small or else I wouldn't be able to get inside without making too much noise clearing the doors. I was making my way inside the inside was spotless and there seems to be a little bit of light coming from some of the rooms of the building. Maybe this campus the specific building had a backup generator. Maybe if I call the guys and tell them about this place they could take the generator and use it at the school but then again don't really know what type of generator it is or how heavy it might be to actually carry. I found a set of stairs and I make my way up. As I continue to explore this building I see no mess and none of the dead are here. I'm on the 5th floor now this science building and I hear the hum of a machine running. I quickly stop moving and scanned my surroundings and then I crouch and make myself smaller had to move as lightly as possible towards the news to see what's going on. As I make my way towards the noise I hear voices. There are muffled because of the glass windows that were separating me in them butt I can tell that to in the mail and the rest for female. One of them was saying something about we need a sample to synthesize. While another was saying we don't need a sample to synthesize but the rest was just muffled by the glass and that was all I can really hear. I was making my way towards the center of the wall where the door was when the door burst open with an angry looking black guy. I still do my movements and he looked directly at me. He rushed back in slamming the door shut behind them and I quickly got up to move towards the door. I didn't know what to do so I just said the one that was open and I'm exploring I have not gotten bitten and I'm human was all that came to mind. There are seven people in that room and they all look petrified. I could tell that they didn't believe me but what other choice did I have in order to tell him the truth.

I guess the only thing I really could do this strip. So I took my bag off and laid my weapons down and I began to move my layers of clothing until I was only in my bra and pants. I didn't want to remove anything below the belt because well they just didn't need to see that. I was in this was going to be my way of convincing them that I wasn't. I don't know what I stumbled into butt these people like your average college student trying to figure out no problem and maybe they're trying to figure out this problem. Maybe just maybe I can help them figure this problem out as well. I may have studied anthropology but I know what these things are capable of and I know what they can do to people. My information may not be valuable till then but then again it may be and what they need to understand what's going on. all I know is that this is going to be one hell of a crazy thing to do because for one I'm standing outside very last door that's my shirt off telling them that I'm not bitten and that I'm human unfriendly.