The stars
Amara
I’ve been up here many times, when I first found out how to get up here I couldn’t wait to show it to Savannah. For a little while it became our secret hideout. Our place to escape the world with only each other. But eventually she left, and this place bacame mine and mine alone. I told myself it was better like that and for a while I believed it.
The way the wind rushed up here made me feel like I could fly. And the stars god are they beautiful up here. The stars are the only thing that have never left me, sure clouds have covered them at times but they are still there. They will be there long after tonight when I am gone. The people that I finally let see this place, the ones I trusted and loved, they are gone and it is because of me. So, after tonight I will be gone too. To the ones I love who remain I’m sorry, please don’t blame yourselves and please don’t hate me.
Yours Truly, Amara
I finish the note and sign the envelope with my symbol, three blue lightning bolts. I set it in a place I know it will be found and look up to the sky imagining I can sour up into the night away from this place. Finally I prepare to do the closest thing to flying away I know how to do.
Most people would think walking up the edge of a building eight stories up knowing you aren’t coming back would be panic inducing, but really it isn’t. I look down at my new tattoo I don’t even have a mother to freak out over it, but isn’t that one of my reasons for doing this.
“Don’t you dare, too many beautiful people die in this world and no more of them are going to on my watch!” An unknown voice says behind me, voice shaking but trying to sound calm.
I turn to the source and respond “Yes, because startling someone on the edge of a building when trying to stop them from falling is a good idea.”
“I’ll keep that in mind next time I’m talking someone down, but it did work didn’t it?” She responds returning my sarcastic tone.
“I am still on the ledge who says I won’t just step off right now.” I say this semi-seriously but I know I wouldn’t I couldn’t subject someone to that kind of guilt. Ever. She stops and looks like she wants to say something but doesn’t know if she should.
“But then you wouldn’t be able to learn my name, and if you’re really lucky become my friend.” She suggests with a smile, as she steps forward and extends a hand to me.
I find myself smirking something that I haven’t done in a long time.
“I’ll make you a deal once a week, I find you a fun place to look forward to not necessarily a reason to live but a reason to not die.”
Fine I’ll give her one day but friends no never again, I fucking refuse. Reaching out I grab her hand and step down. Up close she is quite stunning, curvy dressed in a band tee and black leggings. Her face is stunning, she has quite a few piercings and the cutest little nose, and her eyes are the purest shade of blue I’ve ever seen. I pinch myself lightly, I can’t let myself fall for anyone, I can’t afford it.
“Let’s go then.” I say and walk through the door barely waiting for her to follow. “What’s your name?” I ask as we walk through the streets. Looking at random shops.
“Olivia,” she responds as she drags me to a tiny little book shop, “you?” She questions as we enter.
“Amara.” I respond quietly, not wanting to answer any questions about myself. Not wanting to allow her to get close. I stroll the aisles and look at the books not really paying attention. To anything on the shelf.
“What is your favorite genre.” Olivia looks at me excitedly but I can tell she is trying to analyze me.
I crack my most convincing half- smile. I can’t make it seem like I’m too happy after all I was just up on the edge of a building. “Fantasy or realistic fiction, where are those.”
My smile may be fake but those are my fave genres and I am excited to see the selection.
So, Amara, what were you doing up on that ledge. She doesn’t say it but the question is written all over her face. That is just one of many questions I am not going to answer. She may be the person that talked me down but I get the idea that she has her own secrets and a few of them.
It’s something about the way she stands in almost a defensive position. It warns don’t get to close, I could break you. Little does she know I’ve already been broken to the point that nothing else truly matters.
Olivia finally notices me studying her and I turn to the shelves stacked with every book, I love and some I don’t even know. I see one that sticks out to me it’s binding is covered in stars, and the front holds a girl with stark white feathered wings. For the first time in a while I actually want to read.
“I can’t find a price.” I say turning to look at Olivia. “And while this place is nice it isn’t exactly enough a reason to live.” Her face contorts into a small sad smile like she’s remembering something.
“5 dollars, and that’s exactly the point, anything can become a reason not to die no matter how small.” She smiles like she believes the bullshit that just left her mouth.
“Ok, madam sunshine and fucking rainbows, who says I was even going to jump, huh maybe I just really like the damn view!” The words are out of my mouth before the part of me that cares about anyone else can stop them. I can tell they’ve hit their mark and part of me likes it.
Her voice is quiet when she speaks again “We both know that is as much bullshit as this store being a reason not to die, I know when you are as hurt as you obviously are a bookstore isn’t gonna do shit but I don’t know you and I don’t want anyone to die tonight.” She looks at me and her eyes are glossed over with tears that she is fighting to keep in. The sight makes me want to punch something.
I pinch my arm because I can’t let myself be affected. And I can tell from her expression, she is practically begging me to go along with her just for tonight. So I do, because I am weak.
“Ok, I’ll give you a hint I love anything even slightly near flying, I love space, and I really like food.” She looks up at me and smiles and I’m proud of myself when I feel nothing. I have always been weak when it comes to a pretty face.
I go to put the book back but she takes it back off the shelf and takes it to the counter. When we step outside she hands it to me.
“Why did you do that?” I ask, there were only a few people who ever bought anything for me, and even fewer for selfless reasons.
“Well the way I see it, you want to read that, and you can’t read it if you are dead.” She looks at me with a smirk, and I genuinely smile back because that is truly intelligent.
“Well, played.” Is all I say before walking home. I will give her that one week against my better judgement. I won’t die tonight.
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