Note: This is what I imagine Alistair was thinking during some times in the story. Probably most to be true, just wanted to write them out. ALSO, if you like malexmale, gore, crime, and dramatic stories, please check out IAYAFLY’s “NINE STONES”. And if those themes do interest you, probably don’t read below because it has spoilers (but you could read after). I’ll put a link below for IAYAFLY’s work.

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Hey… I know I told this to you before, but I have to know that you know. You are my first, my first for everything. My first interest, my first kiss, my first attraction, my first care. You are the first to really care for me, no one ever has. I understood that we didn’t live in a safe place. I knew that risk, but I didn’t want to believe it… until I was made to realize. It doesn’t help that my head keeps hurting, it keeps talking to me, telling me what it knows. I am hurt. But that doesn’t matter… you are hurt. I am weak, I can’t help you. It is my fault, you shouldn’t be in this situation. I know I am sorry, but I am not sorry to have ever met you. I wish we could have met in another life, in another situation, then maybe it could have worked for us. But all I want to hope for right now is that you will be okay and that it won’t hurt too much. I’m fine to take all the pain for you, but I know Felix won’t let that happen. The last I saw of you… you hung from chains.

I…I-i…ate you…he fed you to me, forced you down my throat. I don’t even remember what I tasted or what happened anymore. Everything just went to black. I don’t see you anymore. I don’t see anything anymore. I hope when I do see again, I’ll see you…

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There’s no way. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, I WON’T! It’s your grave, I saw your grave. I wanted to see you again…alive. NO NO NO, THIS ISN’T REALLY HAPPENING. I will never forgive them for doing this to you, I’ll avenge you. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything.

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Heh..heheh… HAHAHAH… that’s wonderful news. You’re alive…somewhere. He told me you were alive. I can’t believe it, I’m overjoyed. I need to find you. You must be in hiding, keeping yourself hidden and safe. Or are you looking for me too? I miss you so much, and I hope you miss me too. He told me a little story about you and your past, but I don’t care because you love me, I know you do, right? I’ll find you soon and then we can be together again…and forever. Never disappear on me again. I’ll find you…soon.