[Audio recording file]

[Location: Cup&Saucer Cafe]

[Qiana Bezdec: middle aged farmer woman. Silver-streaked, waist-length braid, tent-sized dress, blistered hands, dark brown eyes.]

Thank you for meeting me here, Ms. Bezdec. I would just like to ask you a few questions.

Sure. Go 'head.

What do you know about the Van Dyne brothers?

Oh, those boys who were on the news? Yeah, that was a while back. I dunno, maybe six months, a year? 'Course, the first time was pro'ly 10 years ago, what with the li'l one goin' missin' an' all.

Tell me more about that. Do you remember any details?

Oh sure, sure.

It must've been autumn, 'cause I was worryin' o'er the harvest, see. Now, the Van Dynes were a real mysterious family, never really on the news, like all the rest of 'em fancy, rich folk.

I do believe they weren't real brothers. Step brothers or adopted or somethin' like that.

But, yeah, the smaller one, Arch was his name. There one mornin' and the next [snap fingers for emphasis] nothin'. His face was all over the news then. A few weeks later the older one, Clan or somethin' was gone too.

What do you know about the older brother, Clem Van Dyne?

Oh, right, that's 'is name. It was real weird 'cause people were losin' hope about the li'l one, assuming 'e was dead an' all. It had been a couple weeks. Then Clem went missin', no trace of 'im. Next mornin', there's li'l Arch on the doorstep.

Did they figure what happened? To Arch?

An' that was the weirdest thing! The kid didn't remember a pickle! They showed an in'erview on the news and 'e kept sayin', "They hurt the cat! The black and grey cat... they hurt the cat." They say 'e was never quite the same af'er that.

Do you ever wonder what happened?

'S not really my business y'know? The Van Dynes don't 'ffect me either way. Well, anyway, they were on the news again, just a couple months ago. Remember, they never found the older one, Clem. Everyone assumed 'e was dead. But couple months ago 'e showed up, outta the blue! An' get this; it was 'cause they were fightin'! The li'l Van Dyne brothers, shootin' at each other up in the stars. 'Course, they aren't all that small anymore.

What do you mean 'up in the stars'?

You're a li'l strange, Mr. Dimarzo. I mean they were up in their ships- right, sorry, space ships -an' they were shootin' at each other! With torpedoes and lasers and whatever else they use up there. I wouldn't know; my feet have never left this soil. You know, Earth's said to have the best planting grounds than any other planet so far?

Right. So do you know what happened? Why they were shooting at each other?

Heck if I know. I don't think anybody does. Like I said, the Van Dynes were a mysterious family.

That concludes our interview. Thank you for your time, Ms. Bezdec.

No problem. Might I suggest you buy me a coffee?"