No matter how much Mason loves to dance there’s no better feeling in the world as his soft sheets against his skin after a long night at the studio. Flopping onto the mattress with an exhale of breath Mason closes his eyes for a moment, the ghosts of his tears still sting his eyes. Thinking back on his actions in the bathroom the brunette feels his cheeks burning crimson, Mason isn’t a person who cries often - the last time he cried in front of anyone was when Anna left for Europe - and he especially isn’t a person who breaks down unprompted. Moving his arm to shield his eyes from the phosphenes that dance around the darkness, now that he’s home in his bedroom maybe he should finally voluntarily allow the emotions he’s been pretending aren’t real out. He doesn’t want to try and figure out what his emotions mean, just let them flow and see what happens. Although now that it is an appropriate time to cry he can’t seem to do it anymore. Figures, Mason huffs, emotions are weird.

Mason has come to learn that being sixteen was hard, so was being fifteen and being fourteen, he dreads to find out how it feels to be seventeen. Since he has been a dancer for ten years Mason doesn’t find himself getting bullied a lot about it anymore but he’s definitely learned not to talk about it at school, that never ends the way he would hope. It really sucks though, because of some unknown rules society has put in place he has to watch what he says about something he loves, has to always be worried that he’ll need to justify why he’s passionate about something “girly”. The amount of times boys in his school have called him gay is impossible to keep track of, but for some reason those instances have never stuck in his mind like when Katie insinuated it. It has started to bother him more and more and if he were being honest, it really confuses him. Mason hasn’t ever had a girlfriend but he definitely thinks girls are pretty and gets butterflies in his stomach when he speaks directly to a girl - that isn’t his partner or a dancer at the studio of course - but boys are a different story. He’s never been attracted to a boy before - or even thought one was cute for that matter - but sometimes he will find himself looking at his classmates too long or thinking about them long after practice is over. I’m not gay, he tells himself, that’s ridiculous. This is why being sixteen is hard, everyone is still trying to figure out who they are but feel like they can’t talk about it, especially boys for some reason.

His mind is becoming cloudy and his thoughts are convoluted, Mason doesn’t like when his train of thought ends on sexual orientation, it makes him feel weird in his own skin and that is not a pleasant feeling. Sitting up with a sudden anxious knot in his chest Mason wants nothing more than to talk to Anna right now, she was the only person Mason truly felt he could tell anything - he never mentioned the fact that he wasn’t sure he was one-hundred-percent straight but besides that, anything. Tempted to screw his not until you have a partner rule and contact Anna immediately he holds his phone in his hand, staring at her contact contemplating whether or not to call. Taking in a deep breath the boy exhales slowly before tossing his phone beside him on his bed and pushing himself onto his feet, now was not the time to call her when he felt so weird. When his mind gets foggy like this he needs a distraction to forget about everything he doesn’t want to have to think about. Numbly walking out his door and down the stairs Mason joins his parents on the couch while they watch reality television, when they ask his reasoning for plopping down on the couch - it’s not often Mason will willing watch a show about flipping houses - he simply says practice wore him out so he wanted to relax.

Eventually when Mason can’t take one more minute of the guy on tv yelling at his assistant he returns to the safe haven which is his bedroom, the distraction tactic didn’t quite work as the man on the television show and his boyfriend are the ones who work on houses. Being gay isn’t a bad thing by any means, but the thought of coming out to everyone you know when people already make sport of your lifestyle choices is not one that makes him want to entertain the idea that he might have a slight attraction to boys. The worst part is not having anyone he can talk to, he doesn’t know if he could even get the words out, whenever his mind goes to this place Mason can feel his chest tightening in an uncomfortable way. 

Lying his head on the pillow Mason lets the darkness envelop him as the pulls his comforter up over his head. Tomorrow will be better at the studio, it has to. Sleep takes a while before it finds him, and when it finally does it’s a dreamless night.

The next day of school is a blur of math, English and science and before he knows it, Mason is walking back through the doors to the studio. Instantly feeling his chest lighten the brunette boy greets Mr. Burkley and the others before beginning his stretching exercises. Unable to help but notice Mason sees that Ethan isn’t here today which is unusual, students don’t usually skip their lessons unless it’s an emergency. A pang of sadness hits Mason’s heart as he wishes Ethan a silent thought that everything is okay, mind flashing back to the evening before when the curly haired boy got into his Father's car Mason fears he's gotten punished for the competition. But as soon as the thought is there it’s gone again when Sara - a classmate he’s known for eight years - pulls him from his thoughts when she asks him to help her with her stretching. 

Sara and Mason auditioned with one another to be partners a few weeks after Anna left but Sara isn’t in the market for someone to dance with - she had the same partner for three years now. In all actuality they danced together almost as well as he and Anna did but in the end Mr. Burkley only wanted to try it out to see if they could enter a couple competitions here and there. But everyone knows how insulting it is to steal another man’s partner and so Mason couldn’t even entertain the idea of dancing together again, even so, Sara’s partner, Andrew, didn’t treat him as friendly as he once did since that audition.

Mr. Burkley opens his mouth ready to call everyone to get in position for the beginning of their lesson when the doors burst open. Every head in the room whips over to stare at a blushing Ethan in the doorway, a small smile spreads across Mason’s face for a reason he doesn’t quite understand. 

“Hello, Mr. Whitman, thank you for joining us,” the instructor says sarcastically, chuckling at his own comment. 

He’s joking but Ethan puts his head down and mumbles an apology, hurrying to his spot on the hardwood floor, a few feet behind Mason. When the older boy finally looks up in the mirror he meets Mason’s eyes through the reflection, Mason shoots him a small smile before positioning his arms for the Waltz and taking off on his own. It's strangely comforting knowing he's not the only person dancing solo anymore.

Halfway through the lesson Mason is both parched and needs to use the restroom (a weird combination) but doesn’t want to excuse himself again after having to be retrieved yesterday. Sweat beads on his forehead but he doesn’t break his stance to wipe it away, letting the drops roll into his eyes. The hours tick by as Mr. Burkley shouts corrections and encouragement at the kids, Mason continuously makes rookie mistakes in his footsteps. Groaning in frustration when Mr. Burkley releases the teens for the night Mason finds himself feeling defeated and for the second day in a row the unwanted sting of tears prickles in his eyes. What the hell has him so fragile recently? It seems ever since his audition with Katie he's being feeling emotional since, but why? Shaking his head and blinking quickly seems to do the trick as the boy keeps his head down and retrieves his hand towel and water from the floor. Wiping the sweat away from his face and neck Mason carefully dabs under his eyes without anyone noticing, just in case a tear slipped out into the sweat on his face and he didn’t realize.

By the time Mason stumbles his way to the door the only people left in the ballroom are him, Ethan, Sara and Mr. Burkley. Chatting casually with Sara the boy feels the presence of Ethan walking a few steps behind him and feels a pang out guilt that he’s the only one not talking, turning his head to at least say goodbye to the boy he sees their instructor point him out instead. 

“Mason, Ethan, you two hang back for a minute ‘kay?”

Looking at Ethan who holds a quizzical look on his face Mason only shrugs in response, wishing Sara a good night Mason turns his back on the girl. Walking slowly back to the middle of the ballroom where their instructor stands, looking through some papers in his hands. Ethan strides up beside Mason, stealing glances sideways at the boy as he wonders why they’ve both been held back. Their instructor tucks the papers under his arm and claps in hands together, looking at the boys with a wide smile across his face.

“You two are both solo performers right now, correct?” This is a rhetorical question but Mason nods regardless, a little sadness fluttering up from his heart as he thinks of Anna and Daniel.

“Mhmm,” Ethan hums.

“Well that could change very soon! Now Mason, I know I told you it was back to the drawing board after Katie but I think there's a possibility of a good partnership. Next Wednesday before practice I set you both up for an audition to get you in some more competitions besides solo. Does that time work for you both?”

Mason has trained himself not to get his hopes up anymore, he’s been on countless auditions since Anna left and not one has stuck. He used to get so excited every time thinking that this would be the time it would be a perfect match and he could be crowned National Champion two years in a row; but with each passing audition Nationals slipped farther and farther away. Now with only four months to the competition Mason has finally accepted the fact that even if he got a perfect partner - which is a lost cause at this point anyways - they would never have enough time to practice together as a new couple for the comp.

“That works for me I think,” Ethan says quietly, snapping Mason out of his contemplation.

“Err, yeah. I’ll be there.”

“Great!” Mr. Burkley exclaims, clapping his hands together once more. “Please get to the studio an hour before practice begins.”

The two boys agree before saying farewell and walking back out the studio doors. Releasing a mental sigh Mason heads to the locker room with Ethan at his side, whenever he has an audition Mason has to come to the studio right after school which means he won’t be able to get dinner or freshen up before throwing himself into hours of practice. Before these past eight months Mason had never once dreaded practice or felt even tempted to entertain the thought of no longer being a dancer, but since his career has been spiraling downwards farther and farther Mason finds himself wondering if this is even worth all his time and money anymore. 

The thought that he isn’t fully immersed in dance anymore scares the brunette, dance has been his entire life for a decade, he doesn’t know what he would do if he wasn’t a dancer. Guilt strikes his heart as he remembers the words that he’s been hearing for years: ballroom dance deserves to be treated with respect. He would be such a let down to everyone around him if he ever stopped dancing, his only friends are from the studio who he never sees aside from lessons and competitions. Without the ballroom Mason is nothing, he’s nobody. 

“How long have you been solo?” For the second time that evening Ethan was able to pull Mason from his swirling negative thoughts.

Looking over at the boy who stands by his locker Mason feels his heart skip a beat, Ethan holds his dance shirt in his hands that he’s just taken off, exposing his bare chest, as he digs through his dance bag for common clothes. Feeling flustered for some reason Mason averts his eyes as he sits on the bench to loosen the laces on his shoes so he can easily slip them off.

“Uh...a few months...I mean I’ve had a couple partners here and there but never a constant one since last season,” Mason speaks quickly and quietly, he doesn’t know why all of the sudden he’s struggling to find words. Every day the boy is here while everybody is getting in and out of their dance attire and he’s never cared or reacted before. His thoughts from last night bubble up unbenounced to him, his heart has jumped like that at girls before but never another boy, his palms feel clammy out of the blue. Talking about Anna was a sore spot as of late but now it feels near impossible, he just wants to go home and lay down.

“Oh wow, that sucks, sorry. I had a partner back at my old studio but she...she stayed there. I haven’t had an audition in ages so I’m actually a little nervous, everyone here has been dancing forever but I’m still fairly new ya know?” Ethan breathes out a awkward laugh.

Finally looking back up Mason is pleased to see that Ethan is fully dressed again and slinging his bag up over his shoulder. He can’t help it, Mason is a little happy that Ethan is actually talking, in the few short weeks since the curly haired boy arrived Mason hadn’t heard him have a proper conversation with anyone, not even Mr. Burkley, Mason can’t help but feel a little special. Ethan seemed to lack confidence in everything but his dancing, Mason suddenly looks forward to Wednesday for a fleeting moment to see how well the other boy dances with a girl. Ethan shoots Mason a small smile, confusion flooding the brunette’s mind once again, stealing any happiness he felt only moments ago.

“I’ve been on so many auditions at this point, I just hope it sticks this time.” No longer wanting to talk about dancing and auditions Mason stands abruptly. Mumbling a quick goodbye the brunette rushes out the door and leaves Ethan standing alone.

Feeling thankful that his mom is already parked outside Mason doesn’t look back when he hears the door open behind him. Walking briskly through the parking lot the boy keeps his eyes downcast as he opens the car door. Greeting his mom coldly Mason fishes the phone out of his dance bag and decides to escape to the Internet instead of talking to his mom - this seems to hurt her feelings so he makes a mental note to apologize later.

As the car pulls from the parking lot Mason can’t help but steal a fleeting look at Ethan, who stands alone on the curb waiting for a ride home.

“That’s your friend isn’t it?” His mom questions, slowing the car down slightly, “does he need a ride home?”

“No,” Mason snips a little too rapidly, “I mean, he’s fine I think.”

“Okay, I hope someone gets him soon,” his mom says with a hint of pity in her voice. Speeding up the two pull out of the parking lot and Mason sinks deeper into his seat with a sigh.