For the second day in a row Mason goes up to his room as soon as he gets home, not even stopping for dinner. This time he doesn’t join his parents when he feels a tornado of emotions ripping through his mind, instead he tries to focus his energy somewhere productive by doing some light math homework. Mason is by no means a math genius but he’s always gotten good enough grades without needing help from a tutor. For no less than an hour Mason attempts to read through his textbook for the upcoming exams throughout the next week but no matter how much he tries to focus he is incapable of interpreting the words on the page.

Frustration bubbles, up finally breaking him, groaning in frustration Mason slams the thick book closed before shoving it to the floor. What is happening to him? He feels like he’s unravelling at the seems. He was doing fine for the past few months, sure there were some depressing thoughts at first and he was struggling a lot but he had finally started to feel better in his skin again. He isn’t certain what caused him to feel such strong, confusing emotions again but his mind can’t help but wander to Ethan. The boy was soft spoken with a deep voice, curly hair that on anyone else would look messy but on him just looked right, the way he danced with such confidence in himself but gets flustered at simple conversations; Mason is endlessly curious about this boy but he shouldn’t be. He can’t be. Laying down on his side Mason can only stare blankly at the wall, he can’t help but feel like Ethan isn’t going to help his situation.

Sleep takes it’s time finding the boy but when it does Mason dreams he’s at a competition performing his solo Waltz that he’s been working on for weeks but something isn’t right; Mason knows all the steps by heart but when he walks onto the ballroom floor it’s like someone wiped all memories of the dance from his brain. He’s frozen in place, struggling to move his legs and start dancing but he’s rooted to the hardwood floor. A couple sashays past him suddenly, the male letting his shoulder slam into Mason’s, knocking him onto his hands and knees. Gasping for breath it feels as if the world is caving in on him, staring up at the dancers above him the ground begins to rumble beneath the boy. Ethan and Anna stare down at him with looks of disgust on their faces.

“I can’t believe I ever danced with you,” Anna scoffs, making Ethan laugh in return.

“I hear he can’t even remember his steps anymore, what a shame.” The two throw their heads back with laughter, pointing down at Mason.

A crack rips through the floor across the room, headed right to the spot where the boy is stranded on the ground. Ethan links arms with Anna before rearing his leg back and kicking Mason square in the chest, pain reverberates throughout the boy’s body before he collapses completely to the floor. Unable to even speak at this point Mason can only watch as the crack in the ground reaches his body, the floor shifts impossibly before falling away all together with a deafening crack. The boy can’t even scream as he falls into the abyss, all he can do is watch the couple take their stance for the Waltz as he falls deeper and deeper, as he falls he sees the curly haired boy look down at him. The images above him start to shrink until they wink out completely, leaving Mason alone, the darkness creeping into his lungs like a thick fog, cutting off his oxygen flow until he’s choking and gasping for air.

Mason wakes with a gasp, eyes wide open the brunette pushes himself into a sitting position. With sweating palms Mason combs his fingers through his hair, attempting to breathe deeply. His heart sinks as he realizes what’s happening, he can feel himself slowly slipping back into a depression. He’s been fighting it transiently but it’s undeniable now; when this happened all those months prior all the people in his life noticed a drastic change in Mason but he stayed quiet about it. He didn’t want to tell people and have them think he was weak, no, he was going to handle this himself.

The word depression didn’t hit him at first, it wasn’t until one night he woke up sweating and afraid from an umpteenth nightmare that he finally understood what was happening. Just like he’s realizing now for the second time that year. The thoughts have been stuck in the back of his mind but he tried to ignore them, but after his recent breakdown it’s impossible. He still cannot tell a soul, the embarrassment and shame is weighing heavily on his shoulders. He will go to the audition Wednesday, he will continue to practice every night, he will pretend that he’s not spiraling farther into darkness. Mason is in this all alone and it scares him to be headed back down this path but he is unsure how to stop it, last time he felt this way it took months of struggles to finally be able to enjoy life again. Curling up with his blanket pulled over his head Mason doesn’t even attempt to sleep again for many hours, by the time he let’s slumber crash over him it’s almost time to wake again for school. Only one more day to the weekend, Mason reminds himself, and only six days until another audition.

The next morning Mason’s mom practically has to drag him out of bed to get to school on time. The whole day is spent numbly walking through halls and sitting through classes that he can’t be bothered to participate in. As he walks into English class and heads for his seat in the back of his room his eyes flick to the chair where Ethan sits. Seeing the boy looking down at the ground causes his heart to skip a beat. 

Momentarily rooted to his spot Mason suddenly remembers his dream, Ethan watching as him as Mason fell deeper and deeper into the earth, all the while laughing at him. Mason doesn’t know what it is about this boy but he seems to be popping up everywhere the last few days, more than usual. When he thinks about it his blood runs cold, every time he’s seen the other boy since the incident in the bathroom his mind and body have been reacting in strange ways. His heart will skip a beat or he’ll find himself smiling for reasons he doesn’t understand, thinking back to the struggle he’s been having the past few days the word gay pops into his brain. Ethan's eye suddenly flick over to the spot where Mason stands, a smile spreads across the boy's face as he raises his hand in a wave.

Huffing angrily Mason continues walking to his seat, ignoring the boy, this is not going to happen, he is not attracted to Ethan. That’s not even a possibility; but even so he decides he doesn’t want to spend more time with him. By some strange coincidence Ethan happens to be there whenever Mason is having weird thoughts and the best way to get it to stop is to get away from that boy as fast as possible. Granted, that will prove to be rather difficult seeing as they have dance lessons together every single day but Mason had no problem ignoring other people around him so this would be no different, right? If Ethan was clouding his brain, Mason had no interest to be friends with him, it's as simple as that. After the joint auditions on Wednesday Mason would never have to be alone with him again. This thought makes Mason’s heart rate increase in what could only be relief. 

The rest of the week passes in a blur of tests and lessons. Mason has been mostly effectively avoiding Ethan, the boy had texted him a few times about an English assignment the class was working on - an occurrence that was not unusual between the boys - but Mason told Ethan he couldn't help. Guilt creeps up his spine but he ignores it, Ethan is capable of figuring it out on his own, he doesn't need Mason. 

During dance practice Ethan will attempt to catch Mason's eye in the mirror but the brunette boy carefully avoids him. He leaves the building as quickly as possible once lessons end so the other boy can't stop him; after the strange reaction he had last time he found himself in the locker room with Ethan, Mason wants nothing less than to let that happen again.  Eventually Ethan stopped trying, he no longer greeted Mason in class or at the studio and didn't respond to his text about their English project. Whenever Mason stole a glance at the other boy he felt a fleeting moment of longing, just because he didn't want to be around Ethan that doesn't mean he didn't care that the boy was now angry with him.

His plan to stop thoughts of the boy had completely backfired on him, he was now consumed with the fear of one of the only kind people in his life turning on him. He would go round and round in his mind trying to decide if he did the right thing or not, was this rift in their odd sort of friendship worth it to protect Mason's masculinity? He didn't know if Ethan could even be considered a friend, they exchanged numbers a few weeks prior to discuss English assignments but they hadn't spoken much outside of school or the studio. But when Mason was around Ethan they felt like they had a deeper emotional connection, something in the air around them seemed like an unspoken bond. It was hard to explain. But in the end Mason concluded that the thoughts of sexuality he was experiencing were too distracting, especially when they didn't mean anything, he had made the right choice. 

-

All too soon Wednesday approaches and Mason finds himself entering the front door to the studio, waving halfheartedly at the receptionist who types away at her computer, the clicking of her nails on the keyboard like music to Mason's ears, without looking up she bids him hello. Everything inside Mason wishes he wasn't here right now, the way he's been acting towards Ethan has been weighing heavily on his mind but he didn't know what to do about it, it has already gone to far, he can't back out now. Although the thought of spending time alone with him now while they both waited for their auditions to show up made the boy want to crawl into a hole and die, that's not the way it should be between them. 

Turning the corner into the dressing room Mason silently hopes that the other boy hasn't arrived yet so he can get dressed quickly and wait for Mr. Burkley to arrive. Against his will, Mason's heart momentarily stops when he sees Ethan depositing his personal belongings into his locker. Turning his head at the sound of Mason entering the room, a look of hurt registers on Ethan's face.

Now that they've made eye contact Mason has to say something, when he's not surrounded by other kids he doesn't have the courage to be mean anymore. Shame at his actions creeps up on him and he fears that the emotions he's feeling are showing on his face. 

"H-hey," Mason says quietly, putting his head down and rushing past Ethan to his own locker, hoping they can greet each other and part ways. Suddenly Ethan slams his locker shut. 

"Alright, what's going on here Mason?" Ethan asks, his stern voice startling the other boy, "I thought we were friends and then you start ignoring me for some reason, and now you're acting like nothing happened? If you were just being nice to me because you felt bad for me or something the least you could do is tell me to my face. I don't want to spend anymore time wondering what I did to make you turn on me, it's honestly driving me insane."

Taking a moment before meeting the boy's eyes Mason doesn't know what to say, he never expected Ethan to confront him, he was banking on the fact that Ethan would be too shy to mention his actions. But his words strike hard at Mason's heartstrings, Ethan has been worried over the way Mason has been treating him...how could Mason be such an asshole? Mind reeling he realizes what he's done to the other boy, he stopped all contact for a reason the other boy would never know or understand. Suddenly the idea of ending a friendship to ensure to himself that he's straight seems like the dumbest move anybody could ever make.  

"Ethan I..." what was he supposed to say? How could he explain to the other boy his situation? 

Hey, Ethan! I've been avoiding you for the past week because I'm terrified of my sexuality! Remember that bitchy girl I was partnered with? Well she made a comment that insinuated I was attracted to you so ever since then I've decided the best way to prove that I'm not is to cut you out of my life completely! Hope you understand! 

Ethan stares at Mason expressionless, waiting for him to continue. In that moment Mason wishes he could go back in time and slap some sense into himself, this was never destined to end well. The boys have been drawn to one another since they first met, even if it was only in a friendly way. 

"I'm sorry," Mason mumbles, his cheeks burning crimson, "I don't know what's going on recently, I'm kind of falling apart recently. My mind has been all over the place and I don't know what to do about it," he laughs dryly at himself, "I don't even know why I'm telling you this but...I shouldn't have ghosted on you like that, so, I'm really sorry."

Both boys stand in a silence, a ringing rising up around the boy's ears. Embarrassment floods through Mason's mind, how could he tell Ethan that? Now he's not even answering! Something about Ethan makes people open up, he's the kind of person you knew you could trust with things.

"I don't feel bad for you, Ethan, by the way," Mason speaks finally, unable to handle the silence for one more second, "you're a way better dancer than I am, I would never feel sorry for you. So don't say that, okay?"

"I'm not a better dancer," Ethan says quietly.

Looking up to meet his eyes a small smile spreads across Mason's face, his heart pounding in his chest at the conversation. How do Mason and Ethan always seem to find themselves in strange situations like this? More strongly than ever Mason begins to realize he and Ethan are seemingly destined to know more about one another. Even if he wanted to, something inside Mason knows that he and Ethan are better off being friends, denying the tug in his heart towards the boy has proven to be a bad idea. 

Both laughing awkwardly Mason is flooded with relief as Mr. Burkley's voice filters down the hallway as he greets the receptionist, pulling them from their awkward conversation. He thinks they'll be alright, Mason won't let strange feeling get in the way anymore; the last thing he needs is one of his only friends turning on him. Blushing madly the brunette quickly removes his sneakers and pulls on his dance shoes, when their instructor enters the locker room Ethan glances at Mason with a sheepish smile.

"Hey there!" Mr. Burkley greets them, "how are my two favorite soloists this fine evening?"

With one last glance towards one another the boys smile.

"We're doing good."