A smile slipped onto my face and I caressed the leaves of my brassica oleracea. It was thriving well in my greenhouse after I had rescued it from being stepped on outside the school gate. The poor thing had sprouted in the worst spot, and I had to dig it up in the wee hours of the morning so that I wouldn’t be stepped on by students going to school while trying to save it.
“Kamille? Did you finish watering your plants? Lunch is almost over,” said my friend Mona, appearing in the doorway. She had a pencil shoved haphazardly into the side of her hijab, and a sketchbook tucked under her arm.
“Ya, I’m done. We can head to class now,” I replied, giving my plants one last longing look before meeting Mona at the door. It hurt me every time I had to leave them. Even in class, I could hear them calling me back.
Mona grasped my arm and had to drag me out of the greenhouse. She knew that if I continued to linger I would never leave.
“C’mon Kamille. We have chemistry next and you know how Xander is when you’re not there,” she paused so we could shiver in fear, “That man is frightening.”
Although I couldn’t help but agree with her in the privacy of my mind, out loud I defended him, “He’s not that bad, Mona. He’s always nice to you! And practically everybody! All he does is smile. That’s all.”
“I know! That’s what makes him so scary! Remember last year when that jerk from the hero class called you a useless sidekick? Well, Xander was smiling as he shoved a pencil in his eye!”
I gulped, because I did remember, and I remembered not sleeping for three days straight in fear. Xander was nice, but when he was angry, it was a nightmare. However, he never hurt me. Just everyone else around him who got in his way.
“Ya I remember… let’s not talk about it.” We sped up our pace and hurried to chemistry, lest we make Xander wait for us. That would be a nightmare. He would smile at me throughout the entire class, arm around my shoulder, clutched tightly to ensure I didn’t leave his side. Sometimes it hurt, but when I mentioned it, he always eased up – although he never let go.
I suddenly stopped in the middle of the hallway, paces away from chemistry.
“Mona! I forgot my books!” I immediately turned around, ready to go to my locker, when Mona grabbed my arm.
“You’re gonna go get them now? We’re almost there! I’m not going in without you. He told me to go get you from the greenhouse so you wouldn’t be late to chemistry. He’ll kill me if you’re not with me! He showed me what he’d do!” I eased my arm from under her vice grip. Mona’s telepathy was more of a curse than a gift most of the time. Due to her telepathy, she was the only one other than me who knew how Xander really was, since most other people just believed he was protective of me.
“It’s okay! Just check if he’s in the class. If not, then head in and I’ll meet you there in two minutes top.”
Mona shut her eyes, and an intense look of concentration crossed her face. I knew that she was scanning everyone’s consciousness looking for Xander’s. She breathed a sigh of relief.
“He’s not there yet. But hurry, okay?” I nodded in response and chased her off with a push. It wouldn’t do if she made me even later just because she didn’t want to face him alone. I mean, neither did I, but at least I sucked it up.
I made my way to my locker, grabbed my chemistry textbook, and shut it with a clang.
“Late again, Kamille?” chimed a voice from behind, deep, yet soft, in its baritone. I jumped at the sound, dropping my textbook. I didn’t dare turn around and face him. I stared at the faded red of my locker door, inspecting each dent and ding closely. Maybe if I didn't look at him I wouldn't get in trouble (although I knew that's not how it worked).
“S-sorry Xander. I got a little caught up…” I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt him grab my arm gently and turn me around to face him. I quickly opened my eyes to meet his. He didn’t like when I looked away from him.
After all these years, Xander just got more beautiful. He now stood at 6’4, with broad shoulders, a trim waist, and large hands. His ever long blond hair always remained contained in a bun at the top of his head. His Grecian nose was dotted with slight freckles, and his blue eyes were sharp like glass.
God, I loved him.
He smiled at me, flashing his dazzling white teeth.
“That’s okay Kamille. I know you made the effort to be on time. I should say thanks to Mona too when I see her,” Xander said, tossing an arm around my shoulder and pulling me flush against the side of his torso. My head just barely reached his collarbone, and I sighed internally, knowing it wasn’t really okay for him. He was in one of those moods. The if-you-leave-my-sight-I’ll-kill-you kind of moods.
In a moment, the textbook was off the floor and hoisted into my waiting arms. I hadn’t even noticed he picked it up even though I was plastered to his side.
“Thanks. And, um, if you thanked Mona it would probably just scare her,” I replied, fiddling with my book’s broken spine.
“Scare her? Why on earth would it do that?” Xander laughed and shook me a little, incredulous. I could think of a few reasons, least of which was threatening her mentally for fun. Xander remained jubilant as we continued to class. However, suddenly he became serious and stopped our journey back to the chemistry room.
He looked thoughtful when he asked, “You’re not scared, are you?”
I had to think of something quick, and my only option was to lie. I couldn’t tell him that his personality scared me sometimes. I didn’t know what he would do. Probably lock me up until I got over it. Like that would ever work.
“No! Of course not, Xander!” I denied, laughing nervously.
Xander suddenly pushed me up against the lockers behind us. My only protection was the flimsy textbook that I held between us. He hands came to rest on either side of my face. My breath came quickly at his sudden change in mood.
“Don’t lie to me Kamille.” His icy eyes bore into mine.
“S-sorry Xander. I didn’t mean to lie, it’s just… it’s just… I guess I’m a little scared of you, you know, sometimes.” I felt like a mouse pinned by a snake, waiting to get eaten. The only difference, however, was that I would enjoy getting eaten by Xander.
At my honest response, Xander pushed back from the lockers, muscles bunching at the movement. His white, short-sleeved shirt didn’t leave anything to the imagination. His rippling forearms and large biceps were on full display.
He reached over and grabbed my arm. Pulling me away from the lockers he hugged me back into his side and pressed a quick kiss onto my head.
“Thanks for the honesty Kamille. But you know I’d never hurt you right?” His mouth said one thing, but his tight grip on my shoulder said otherwise.
“I know Xander, I know.” I wanted to squirm underneath him, but I had nowhere to go or escape to.
“Unless, of course,” he continued, “You tried to run away and leave me behind. Maybe then I’d have to break your legs to keep you next to me.”
I shivered.
How could I love him so much and yet be so frightened of him?
He looked down at me with a kind smile, and dead, cold eyes. I mustered up a smile back. He continued towing me to chemistry, but stopped right outside the doorway, turning me around to face him. He looked at me expectantly.
I stared back.
Sighing, he leaned down and gave me a gentle hug. He whispered in my ear, “Next time, I expect you to remember to give me one.”
I squeezed Xander back in apology. Getting to hug him was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I got to be up close and personal with his hard body. It was a curse though because any slip on my part and Xander would know about my feelings.
It may seem like we’re dating because of how affectionate we are, but we’re not. Since we were small we’d always given each other hugs, forehead kisses, and shared our beds countless times.
I was the one who started it when I noticed how touch-starved Xander was. All through summer camp, he’d find any excuse to brush up against me or sit as close as possible. I also noticed that when his parents came to visit, they kept him at a distance. So, I began giving him as many hugs as I could, kissed him on the forehead or cheek after I finished kissing my plants, and even invited him to share my bunk to cuddle. The habit seemed to stick, even after all these years.
I inhaled the musky, spicy scent that emanated from Xander’s shoulder. Yup, definitely a blessing and a curse.
We let go of each other and Xander smoothed my shirt-sleeves as I tugged his t-shirt down. Getting in each other’s way, we almost got tangled, and stopped to laugh at our foolishness, our foreheads touching. We shared breath briefly and my eyes flickered down to Xander’s mouth. I wondered what it would be like to kiss him.
Would it be warm and soft? Like how he was sometimes?
Or would it be cold and hard? Like how he was sometimes?
Before I could make good on my thoughts, Mona stuck her head out the door of the chemistry room hesitantly.
Sweat beaded on her head, sliding down her face to get lost in the folds of her hijab. She gulped before attempting to speak. After a few false starts, Xander grew impatient.
“What is it Mona?” He asked, smiling kindly, teeth stark white. Mona and I shivered.
“Um, the teacher asked me to tell you guys to hurry up and come in… class is about to start…” Mona trailed off, biting her lip raw.
Xander laughed and nodded, grabbing me by the arm and dragging me into class to face our irate teacher, Mr. Hutchinson. He was standing at the beginning of the room, foot tapping against the floor impatiently.
Mr. Hutchinson was a chubby man with soft, round features. He cheeks were always red. He was also completely bald, something that was constantly evident when he would go to grab his hair when he was stressed, only to realize that he didn’t have any. It’s not a mystery why he’s bald.
But even he was not immune to Xander’s charms. One smile and foot scuffle later, Mr. Hutchinson was putty in Xander’s hands.
“Sorry, sir.” Xander said, smiling sheepishly and scuffing his foot nervously on the tile floor. Mr. Hutchinson’s rough demeanor melted and he rushed to placate Xander.
“Oh no, Xander! I’m not mad! Quite the opposite actually. In fact, I’m glad you managed to even find Kamille, seeing as he’s always late,” Mr. Hutchinson cut me a scathing glare before turning back to Xander with a wide smile, “Why don’t you go take a seat?”
“Thank you, sir.” Xander lead me to our lab bench with a hand to the small of my back. I could feel the heat radiating off it, and I yearned for him to press it firmly against me, but I knew he wouldn’t act forcefully like that in front of all these people.
He moved his hand from my back to my shoulder, pressing down gently and indicating that I should sit. I quickly sat down and moved over so Xander could too. From in front of us I could see Mona giving me a wide-eyed look of resigned disbelief at how Xander could escape a scolding from the school’s most ruthless teacher.
I shrugged my shoulders, and then devoted my attention to the lesson, ignoring how Xander’s hand slid inconspicuously across my waist in the middle of class.
It took all I had not to squeak.
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