When I walked out of the shower Chang looked over at me. I feel like he’s giving me the once over, looking me from head to toe. I shrugged it off and went over to brush my teeth. We finished up in the bathroom and quietly headed back to camp.

“Hey, I’m heading to bed, if you’re going to work me hard tomorrow I need to get some sleep.” Chang’s eyes went wide and he looked down. Was he turning red?

“Alright, I’ll be in soon.”

“Ah. Chang is everything okay?” He jumped at my question.

“Yeah, fine. Go to bed.”

“Alright.” I walked back to our tent and climbed into my sleeping bag and crashed. I was so tired that I didn’t even notice when Chang came in. I woke up the next morning to feel something warm against my back and something holding me down against my waste. I opened my eyes and rolled over. Oh gosh. Chang is hugging me. Ugh, what do I do? I tried to slowly pull away from him, but his arm wrapped around me tighter. He can’t wake up to this, he’ll totally freak out. I tried again to pull away, but he just pulled me closer, tangling his legs with mine and putting his nose against my throat. I stayed as still as I could. Oh geez, what am I going to do? His hand moved up my stomach getting close to my chest. Oh please let this be a dream. I like him so much and I wish I could tell him the truth, but I can’t. I have to keep being a guy. Oh, how I wish I could be myself, Mulan the girl. I have to stop this. I moved my arm around his back and started to gently run my fingers over his skin. He must have gotten annoyed with the tickling sensation because he let go of me and rolled over. I let out a long breath and sat up. I quickly changed and got out of the tent. I walked a little ways from the camp before pulling out my cell phone and dialing the only number I bothered to memorize.

“Hello”

“Mushu.” I hadn’t realized how upset I was because when I said his name on a sob.

“Mulan? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I explained what happened and the more I explained the more I cried.

“Wait. What are you upset about? The fact that he was so close to you or that you want to get closer and can’t?” I sighed

“The fact that I can’t be me. That I have to hide who I am. All because I couldn’t be myself back at home.”

“If this is upsetting you so much why don’t you tell him the truth?”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because what if he took it the wrong way and ended up hating me and not want to be around me anymore.”

“And what if he understands and helps keep your secret?”

“I don’t want to take that chance. I would rather stay close to him this way than lose him by telling the truth.”

“So you’re never going to tell him that you’re in love with him? What if he falls for another girl? Are you going to tell him the truth then or keep your secret just so you can be close to him even though you’re miserable?” I let out a breath.

“I don’t know Mushu.”

“Well, I vote for telling him the truth. Because if things turn bad and he does reject you at least you gave it a shot.”

“Can I give it some time?”

“Mulan, you’re going on two months.”

“I know, I know but if I do it now and he rejects me I’ll have nowhere to go. If I wait till I get back at least I’ll be able to avoid him then.”

“So you’re going to be a coward?”

“No, just causing less heartache.”

“Mulan. I love you, you’re my cousin and my responsibility. I will always be there for you whenever you need me. Now get back to camp before you get into trouble.” I laughed at him. It’s so funny when he uses his bossy voice with me.

“Okay, I love you too Mushu. I’ll see you soon.” I hung up my phone and slid it back into my pocket before wiping my eyes and turning around to go back to camp. “Eeek.” I jumped when I turned to find Chang behind me. “Ah, hi. Um, how much did you hear?”

“Just the end.“

"Oh, ah okay.” I started to walk past him, but he stopped me by putting his hand on my shoulder.

“What kind of relationship do you have with Mushu?”

“What?”

“I’m just curious.”

“He’s my cousin and my best friend.” Chang let me go and bowed his head. We headed back to the camp. Walking side by side.

“Ah Chang, did you come looking for me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” He stopped in his tracks and glared at me.

“I told you last night not to go off on your own it’s dangerous.” I bowed my head to him.

“Thank you for worrying about me.” Chang turned pink and we quietly walked back to camp.