“The weapons he was using were new.” Father says pacing from one to the other side of the room. “And he was stronger than I predicted.” A hand over the chin and eyes unfocused going left then right and vice-versa.

“It could be the suit.” I point-out.

“No… no, no it wasn’t.” It feels as if he is not really answering me. Sometimes father appears… far away.

“Father.”

He doesn’t look at my direction.

“Father!”

Still no answer.

“William.” The fog in his vision clears up a little when he faces me.

“Xanty?” He reaches a trembling hand.

“No, father.” I take it and look into his eyes. “It’s Gwyn, your daughter.”

“Oh…” I can hear the deep sadness in his voice.

“I must go now.” I say very slowly. “I’ll be back by the time we agreed on, so we can continue with the plan.” He nods in agreement and I take my leave from the warehouse on the outskirts of town.

The sun is setting over the river. Perhaps I should stop by gran before heading home. It’s been a while since I last saw her. And my heart always calms itself when I visit her. She feels close. Warm. Understanding. Like father once was.

My chest aches as I walk. Luckily the cold air on my throat and lungs distract me from that other pain. And before I notice, I’m in front of granny’s door.

“Oh, what a surprise, sweetie.” She says in a hug and takes me in. “Did you call? I must have left my phone off.”

“I didn’t call. Sorry. I was in the neighborhood and…”

“Of course, you are always welcome dear. Want some cake?”

I shake my head.

“How is college? And your new roommate? Michael said he is a nice lad. How is your dad’s health?”

“Fine. He is. And father is…” My voice is starting to sound funny. “… great.” And now so are my eyes. They are leaking.

“Oh honey…” She pulls me to cry on her shoulder and strokes my hair.

“He…” No sounds leave these lips, even when they move wanting to say so many things. Everyday he is further and further away. When I think he is finally going to slip through my fingers he comes back. As if nothing happened and everything is normal. It’s driving me insane. And I’m scared, because I don’t know if he is even there, or if I already lost him and am all alone.

“That’s it. Let it out.”

It seems at some point I started screaming muffled noises to grandma. Fifty minutes and four glasses of cold tea later it’s time to go.

“You could stay the night, Gwyn. There is a guest room and spare clothes.” We’re by the stairs outside.

“Thank you, gran. But I wanna go home.”

“That so? Well, you know I’m always here for you, darling.”

I kiss her on the cheek and turn to leave. Think I’m smiling. Maybe. I don’t know. But I’m feeling better. And I believe it will all work out in the end.