The Itsy Bitsy Spider

They say to watch out for the cat. Between the claws, the rock hard toe pads, layers of impenetrable fur, teeth like razors, and eye sight that extends into the ultraviolet spectrum, they make formidable foes. It takes very little effort on their part to end the lives of my kin. I’ve come across several of these monsters in my day and I do my best to avoid them. Most formidable being the gray neighborhood stray, who has the lady of the house squeaking, “Bae!” every time she comes around. Who knew these oversized killing machines also had the power to turn humans into squeaky toys who stupidly dote on them.

The lady of the house also keeps one of these giant killing machines. A slender female specimen, with long multicolored fur. Green eyes with dark slits that blink slowly and methodically, often staring deeply at what appears to be nothing. She lounges lazily in the sun, generating a constant vibration that rolls along the floor boards. I feel the tickle of the frequency under my many feet. A constant reminder that I am on her turf. They call her the fluffy menace. Although the most menacing thing she appears to do during the day is sleep and occasionally get up to complain to the lady of the house about an empty food vessel.

Yes, the mighty food vessel that brings sustenance to all those who scurry in the house. The cat comes and crunches loudly on the dry food items. The crumbs fall loudly to the floor where they collect dust until dusk. Ignored by the feline, tasty treats that move on six legs come to collect the crumbs as the light dims. I move into position. Under the cabinet is a wooden lip where I rest my hungry mass. Darkness is my cover yet my many eyes see all who come near. I feel the vibrations on the floor. Something tasty ventures close.

I drop from my hiding place, my legs wide, my fangs piercing the soft body of a gray and black morsel. It struggles for but a moment and soon it is wrapped in my suffocating web. I drag the warm corpse back to my hiding spot. Away from the green glowing eyes of the cat. I drink my fill from my victim and move to a quieter, warmer place in the house, content with my abdomen full. I swiftly make my way up the wall, into a quiet corner of the ceiling. From my perch I watch the feline pad across the room to her bowl. She stops suddenly, her eyes wide and her tummy suddenly dragging along the floor. She inches forward, her entire attention focused on some unsuspecting prey. She bolts forward smashing her front paws on the food vessel. Food splashes everywhere, but she stands resolute, her nose now stuffed into her paws.

Eventually she lifts her paws revealing another gray and black critter. It appears we share a favorite prey. It meekly takes a step and then a giant leap away from the cat. She pounces again, smashing it harder into the floor. The critter is now missing a leg, its soft body mostly crushed. It attempts one more final leap of life. It doesn’t get far before the cat boredly steps on in it with a single paw. She lets out a lazy meow and leaves the carcass behind, a single leg of the critter still twitching.

The man of the house sprays a deluge of toxic liquid along the edges of the house, the lady leaves behind strange pads of gelatinous sticky goo, but with the cat a fate worse than death awaits. For now the menace has moved on to quietly stalk the sleeping house occupants in their mountainous beds. She sharpens her claws fastidiously on their blankets. I can feel the vibrations of her purring and kneading even from my high perch. Tonight I have escaped death, but I will need to feed again tomorrow. The dance will continue every night as the fire in the sky dims and darkness becomes my cover once again.