The drive back home was silent so far, not a word spoken between the two. Fruh looked to the passenger side window, noticing that her reflection showed. She was tired, stressed, worried. All this anxiety, all this thinking, for this one character who couldn’t move on.
“…Kotone…” Fruh muttered, still so worried about her character. What would happen to her? If she couldn’t move on…what would happen to her?
She thought hard, she tried to see where it would go. Tried to see it end well. But she knew. She knew that Kotone would stop playing music. She knew that she would stop going to school. That she would cut connections with Leonor, Morgan, and Mardock. That she would become apathetic.
“…She’s going to destroy herself.” Fruh muttered. She realized that if she didn’t do anything…Kotone would ruin everything. She’s already at the stage of pushing people away, already at the stage of brooding to the point she was ignoring hunger. She knew what would happen, and it all felt too familiar.
“Who is planning to destroy themselves?” Her uncle asked. Fruh looked to her uncle who had taken off his coat and pulled back his sleeves. His SJPD badge hung proudly on his belt, beside was an empty holster.
“It’s…” Fruh was about to explain but she trailed off, then she looked down. She didn’t think her uncle would understand. “…No one…” She said.
“We both know that’s a lie.” He said to Fruh. “It sounds pretty serious to have the word ‘destroy’ in it. and you sound rather confused.” He points out. Silence followed.
“…You know you can tell me, right?” He mentioned, Fruh hesitated to speak. If she didn’t say anything though, he would continue to bug her…
“I…” She almost spoke, but she held back her words. She wondered if she could tell him. He took a glance at her, then looked back at the road.
“…I know that look very well.” Her uncle said. “You’re worried about someone.”
“I’m not wrong, am I? You may not be talking, but your expression says something already.” He told her. “Who are you worried about?” He then asked. “Friends in school? Someone back in Germany?”
“No, it’s…It’s…complicated.” She told him, hoping that was enough to turn him away. Her uncle frowned at the reply. He murmured something as he slowed the car before an intersection. With the seconds counting down on the red light, he took the time to talk to Fruh.
“Fruh. If you don’t tell me anything, then I can’t help you.” Her uncle told her. “And I really want to make sure you stay safe and not start anymore fights” He added, he waited for some reply. Fruh was about to speak up but she hesitated. She looked away, then back to the glass. She spotted her own reflection, or so she thought. She stared at it, and instead of herself, she saw the older downcast blonde from earlier looking back at her. Fruh watched the older blonde look down, then away. The car then starts moving again as the light turned green, an audible sigh from her uncle.
“…Fruh-”
“…It’s…someone who can’t move on.” Fruh told her uncle, looking at him. For a second, his expression showed surprise. “Her…friend recently passed away…and she can’t move on from it.”
“…I see” He replied “…And somehow you got involved?” Her uncle asked, she looked away from the glass and looked at her uncle.
“…Sort of. I saw her friends tried to help her, but she can’t move forward. She says they…can’t understand her. They haven’t gone through what she’s been through…” Fruh told her uncle. “I’m…just worried. If she can’t listen to all of them…then who will she listen to? Will she even listen to anybody? Can anyone…stop her?”
She wondered who could help her at this rate? Help Kotone…
“…She believes that people can’t understand her, so she shoves them away. Even if they try to approach, she’ll make up excuses to leave or escape.” He mentioned. “Go to the infirmary or to their classes maybe. But they probably would space out thinking about…her friend dying…” He added. Fruh looked at him with some disbelief, since it was rather similar to what Kotone did to Morgan and Leonor. She was about to ask, but then he spoke up first.
“If you don’t mind answering this, but why are you concerned about her not being able to move on?” Her uncle asked. Fruh paused to think about it. Why was she so concerned? Fruh looked back to the reflection. She could still see Kotone.
“…She…If she doesn’t move on she will isolate herself. She’s already brooding a lot, and she’s pushing away her friends. She doesn’t even eat food…”
Why did that sound familiar for some reason? Well, she was talking about what happened with Kot-
“Fruh.” He called out, interrupting her thought. He thought about what he was going to say, but eventually, he spoke.
“Are you sure you’re talking about another person? Or are you talking about yourself?” He asked.
“What do you mean?” Fruh asked, confused.
“…I still remember how you were after you heard what happened.” He started. “You never talked to anyone, and when we asked you pushed us away.” He told her. “I’ve seen you space out. I’ve seen you brood and make excuses. Seen you almost starve yourself actually.” He added. Fruh looked at him and saw that her uncle wanted to say more yet refrained himself. She thought about what he said. She didn’t recall brooding or making excuses, spacing out. Sure, she never talked to anyone but…
“Fruh…Please answer me this honestly…” He requested suddenly.
“…Yes?” Fruh asked him. He paused, but then her uncle finally asked.
“You haven’t moved on, have you? From what…happened to your parents.” He asked her. Fruh thought about his question, but old wounds were reopened. Something stirred in her as she thought about the question more thoroughly.
She didn’t move on? She hasn’t moved on from what happened to her parents? She doesn’t…recall. Surely, she had to have changed in a way. She…She didn’t talk to anyone about it, sure. She doesn’t really talk to anyone though. And well she… doesn’t… isolate herself…? Her chest started to tighten. New feelings settled on her already heavy shoulders.
It was crushing her.
“Fruh.” Her uncle called out again. She finally heard him and looked at him, then seeing a pained look form on his face. “…Sorry, I shouldn’t have…” He apologized. He snaps out then he focused on driving. Fruh stayed silent, now another emotion settled on her shoulders.
Guilt.
“…Forget I asked.” He told her, again there was some pain in his expression she noticed. She didn't know how long they sat their, silent, not talking about anything. Fruh had a lot on her mind, but it was all a jumbled mess-
“...We’re here.” He announced. Fruh looked and realized they arrived at the apartments in Sunnyvale. Her uncle drove up to the driveway instead of the garage though. Fruh looked to him.
“…A-are you not coming?” Fruh asked, her uncle kept his eyes forward and on the road.
“I still have work to go back to. Rent is due soon and there’s also your quarterly tuition.” He told her. Fruh found the words painful, distant. He was close physically, but there was a gap between them. A gap that made it impossible to reach out. Her chest tightened, the weight on her shoulders increased. She couldn't bear it.
She opened the car door and left her uncle. She hurried through the lobby and up the stairs, down the hallways and towards the door. She opened the door to the small apartment in a hurry, her hands shaking, and when the lock was finally undone she ran inside. She dropped her bag and went to her room.
Once she was in this small space she had begun to call home she fell on the bed. The moment she felt still, she started to cry.
The weight was too much to bear for someone like herself. Guilt, regret, fear, loneliness, it all crushed her. There was also the unresolved worry and fear that she had from earlier, squeezing out every tear she could muster.
Her heart was gripped by this invisible abstract hand, it had tightened its hold on her. Painful it all was. All Fruh could do was let it out into the space around her, with no one there to listen.
No one there to understand.
Comments (0)
See all