Monday, September 25th

The sight is fading. Most people are starting to look normal again. It’s finally going to end. I can go back to blissful ignorance, and never have to fear what I might see when I open my eyes again.

Thursday, September 28th

The nitrate marks have faded entirely. I’m free at last. I’ll never have to see Nori’s true face again, or watch Rhea eat something’s innards while it’s still screaming. They will never know what I have seen, and I’ll never look at them again. I won’t have to. I’ll survive without seeing them. I hope.

But how will I know who to avoid if I can’t see them?

Friday, September 29th

Staying in tonight. Safe inside my salt lines, and wearing my iron ring. Safe as I can be, at least. Safe because They don’t know. Safe because I don’t know. Right?

Saturday, September 30th

Hestia dragged me out of my room. We went off-campus to get lunch, but everywhere we went people stared at me. Hestia said it’s because when I was Taken, I was marked, says my eyes aren’t right anymore. I wouldn’t know. I haven’t looked in a mirror since. It reminds me too much of Elsewhere. Of playing into a silver lake, staring at my face as my bow danced over the strings, as something stared back at me where my face had been. I was right. I’m not the same as I was before. And I never will be. But is that so bad?

Monday, October 2nd

I still haven’t adjusted to seeing Nori’s mask again, his glamour. He’s just a normal looking boy with green hair again. Not a blue-skinned creature with jagged teeth and yellow eyes and a hunger for young women. Just a normal boy. I have to treat him like a normal boy. I can’t let him know I know. No one can know that I know. That I once saw. That I still want to.

Thursday, October 5th

Hestia’s worried about me. Keeps trying to get me out of my dorm, to make me come back into the world. But how can I go out there when I know what’s out there? When I can’t see death coming anymore? How can I leave when I’m not safe? When I’ve been Taken once already? When I know what that other world is like? When I want to go back?

Friday, October 6th

Would it hurt to mark myself just one more time? Just to make sure. Just to see one last time, to make sure I know every safe place on campus. Make sure my map is accurate. Make sure I know each place the sprinkles run across the sidewalks, make sure I know every Fae’s hunting grounds, make sure I know how to escape if I have to. Make sure they won’t Take me again.

Just one more mark. A small one, on my palm, so it fades faster. It’ll be okay. I know how to pretend I don’t see them, and I’ll know who to avoid. I’ll be safe again.

Wednesday, October 11th

I don’t know why I was so afraid of being able to see like this. It’s so much better. So much more beautiful. So much safer. Why was I so scared? They don’t know I have the sight, and I know who They are. They won’t be able to hurt me now. I’m protected. I have my iron and my salt and my eyes. But is it enough?

Thursday, October 12th

I’m not sure I’m safe. What if They know I know? What it They figured it out? Maybe I slipped up. They’ve been watching me, though. Nori talks to me even more than before. I ran into Rhea the other night outside the dorm. She left her parking lot. She never leaves her parking lot.

She didn’t hurt me, barely acknowledged me, but why would she be there? The dorms are on the opposite side of campus from her hunting grounds, and mine is smack dab in the center of the ring of rowan trees. None of Them go in there. But she did. Why? Do They know?

I’m not safe. They must know. I need more protection. I need a deal.

Friday, October 13th

Hestia said not to leave my dorm today, that things wouldn’t go well if I did, but I have to find protection somewhere. I’m going to the library to see what I can find. There must be herbs or crystals or anything that will help.

I saw a lot of birds on the way here. It felt like they were following me. Hestia said to avoid them. Why? Are they dangerous? They don’t seem like it. They seem friendly, almost. I’ve seen other people talking to them, and it seems like the crows like them well enough. Could I befriend them too? Would they help me, keep me safe?

Saturday, October 14th

I ran into Rhea twice yesterday. In broad daylight. I think she really does know. I have to do something, before she comes for me. I’m going to the birds. Maybe they can help. I asked around yesterday for tips on speaking with them. I think I’m ready.

I spent all day at the fountain on the east side of campus. At first, I read them poetry. They really like Emily Dickinson, hate Poe, and are neutral about Thoreau. (I think they’re just sick of Raven jokes, when it comes to Poe.) When I ran out of poetry, I just talked to them. I told them some stories of when I was a kid, traveling with my mom. I think those were their favorites. One of them, the biggest and the prettiest, would caw at me every time I stopped speaking.

After awhile, I finally asked what I came for. Protection. I offered them the first person I ever made, a crumpled drawing from when I was younger. I figured it was kind of like a first born. The biggest of the crows took it, and they all flew away, leaving feathers scattered. I knew immediately that my deal was accepted. I could feel it, in my chest. Something hollow, but heavy. I collected all the feathers, took them back to my room, and wove some into my hair. They’ll protect me. The crows will keep me safe from Them.

Friday, October 20th

I’ve gone back to the fountain every day this week. I feel safer there, surrounded by the crows. I tell them stories, they sing songs in their throaty voices, we enjoy each other’s company. I finally came up with a nickname. I tested it on them first, told them to call me Mori. The biggest seemed to like it.

I’m starting to understand them. They say it’s the feathers, that as long as I keep a part of them on me, I will understand them. They’ve been giving me advice, warnings, telling me how to stay safe. In exchange, I keep giving them stories.

Wednesday, October 25th

Hestia says I’m spending too much time with the crows. I think she’s just jealous that they favor me and not her. I’ve seen her with a book of poetry a fair few times reading to them, but they’re never interested. I try to tell her that it’s okay, that they’re keeping me safe, but she keeps telling me I need to leave them, to stop relying on them. But I can’t. Even if they weren’t the only thing protecting me, I’ve made a deal. I promised them companionship, in exchange for knowledge and safety. It will last until the end of the semester. Only then am I free to leave. Why would I want to, though?

Thursday, October 26th

Hestia says she can’t watch me “whore myself out” to the crows, that I need to stop. I told her to go to hell. I don’t think we’re friends anymore.

Saturday, October 28th

The leader of the crows has shown herself to me. Her true face. A woman with dark feathers where hair should be, amethyst eyes, and hands tipped with wicked talons. Her arms and legs are covered in feathers too, but they’re so soft. For a bird, she has surprisingly sharp teeth, that flash blindingly when she smiles at me. She has a cloak made from feathers, too, that brushes the ground when she walks, and a deep, throaty voice that I could listen to all day. I don’t think anyone has seen her true face before. She told me to call her Morrigan. I told her to call me Memento, instead of Mori. She laughed. Thought it was a funny joke. Fitting, she said. I’m not sure what she meant, but I liked her laugh. I’m supposed to meet up with her in a couple nights. She has something else she wants to show me.

She also gave me a gift, freely given. A pair of tarot cards, that she said represented us.

Tuesday, October 31st

I’m going to meet with Morrigan soon. She told me not to bring my iron. I trust her. It’s all staying here. My iron. My protective charms. My salt and sage and basil. Everything. I’m leaving it all behind. She is the only protection I need anymore. She will keep me safe.

Do not trust the crows - Hestia