What was he supposed to say? There was nothing he could say that wouldn’t make Noah hate him or make him run away in disgust, so what was the point? He was so fucking weak.

                                                             ***

Daniel sat by the kitchen table, trying to understand his algebra homework. He looked up as his phone vibrated. He read the text once, twice, a third time. He swiftly closed his textbooks and left the house.

He knocked lightly on the bedroom door, before entering.

“Took you long enough.”

“Yeah, I know”, Daniel said, “but I brought this”, he said and held out a box of ice cream. Noah sat on the floor in front of the tv. He looked at Daniel, and reached out for the ice cream. Daniel gave I to him before sitting down next to him on the floor. Noah handed him a console and started a new game.

“You okay?” Daniel said after a minute of silence.

“She dumped me, man”, Noah said and paused the game and took a spoon of ice cream.

“I’m sorry”, was all Daniel could say. He wasn’t good at comforting people, and he didn’t know what to say.

“I mean… I don’t understand”, Noah said, taking another spoon of ice cream, “We had our one-year anniversary next month. I just don’t get it. I don’t – I just – I…” Noah said hopeless. He sniffed once and dragged his hand down his face. Daniel didn’t know what to say or do.

“I know. It sucks, dude”, he said helpless. He put his hand on Noah’s shoulder, hoping it worked as a gesture of comfort. Noah huffed.

“Yeah, it sucks all right”, he said with a sigh. “Can we just shoot the heads of these fucking zombies and not think for a while?” Daniel wasn’t sure that was the best way to get over a break up, but if it involved not talking about feelings and stuff? Then he was okay with that. They played the whole evening, and Daniel thought Noah looked a little better after a while. He was more himself; he smiled and joked more. He no longer looked like a sad puppy, and Daniel guessed that counted as something.

They had been playing all night, until Daniel stood up from the floor. He stretched, and his back ached after hours of hunching in front of the tv screen.

“I should probably head home”, he announced.

“Wha- Why? Can’t you stay a little longer?” Noah pleaded from the floor.

“I don’t know man”, Daniel said, rubbing his neck. “It’s getting kind of late.”

“It’s not a school night, you can sleep over? We haven’t had a sleep over in ages!” Daniel felt bad. He hadn’t slept over at Noah’s since he got his first kiss. He knew it would only mess with his head if he got that close to Noah again.

“I mean”, Noah continued, dragging Daniel back from the memory that played in his head. “My parents are sleeping, and setting up an extra bed is too much work, but we can share my bed. It’s big enough for the both of us.”

Daniel’s heart raced, and for a moment he forgot how to breathe. He silently cursed himself for being so selfish. Here Noah was, his best friend, seeking consolation after being dumped by his girlfriend, and all he could do is think of himself and his own needs, and how it would be like, sharing a bed with Noah. He felt a blush creep his way into his cheeks, and ran a hand through his hair.

“Ok, fine”, he mumbled. Noah beamed up at him, his face turning into a grin as Daniel sat down next to him. Fuck Noah and his smile, he thought. He knew this was a mistake, but it was too late to turn back now.

They played another couple of games, before deciding it was time for bed. Daniel looked at the queen-bed with misbelief as Noah pulled off his pants. Daniel swallowed hard. This was a terrible mistake. There was no way in hell he was going to be in a bed with Noah, half naked. No. Nope! Not going to happen!

“Are you coming?” Noah asked from the bed. He looked at Daniel with a questioning look. Daniel breathed deeply three times as he took of his pants, and his hoodie, standing in the middle of the room in only his boxers and a t-shirt.

“Yeah, yeah”, he mumbled as he walked stiffly to the bed. He held his breath as he laid down, but Noah was right. The bed was big enough for the two of them. Daniel breathed out relieved. As Noah turned off the light, he turned around in the bed, facing the wall, away from Daniel.

“Goodnight”, he said. Daniel mumbled ‘night’ back, and it didn’t take long before Noah fell asleep. Daniel laid awake, staring at the roof. This was all way too familiar, he thought. But no matter how nervous he was, or how much his brain was working, he finally fell asleep.

As Daniel woke, it took him a few minutes to understand where he was. The right side of his body felt numb, and when he looked down, he saw a mess of blonde curls. Daniel’s heart stopped beating; Noah was lying with his head on Daniel’s chest, with one arm slung across his abdomen and his body pressed up against his. Daniel laid stiff as a stick, having no idea what to do. Slowly, he lifted his left arm, and carefully stroked a hand through Noah’s hair. God, it was so fluffy. So soft. So curly. So – not right. Daniel yanked his hand away as if he’d been burned. He stared at the ceiling. He didn’t want to wake Noah up, he was so goddamn cute when he was sleeping, but his arm was already fast asleep, and it was starting to get quite uncomfortable, to be honest. He let out a small cough – nothing. He coughed again, a bit louder this time and also tried to wiggle his body a little. He could hear Noah letting out a sleepy moan as he stirred.

“Dude”, Daniel said. Noah finally opened his eyes and drew away from Daniel. He could finally feel blood rushing to his arm again, where it had been squeezed underneath Noah.

“Mhh, what?” Noah asked sleepily as he sat up in bed.

“You’re a cuddler”, Daniel laughed. Noah looked at his lap while he ran a hand through his hair. Wait, Daniel though. Was he – was Noah blushing? He could see Noah’s ears turning pink. Fucking adorable, Daniel though.

“Ah shit. I’m sorry, dude”.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. It’s rather… cute, actually”, Daniel said with a small smile. Now Noah was definitely blushing. His cheeks and ears were turning deep red. Daniel worried he was going to die from cuteness overload, but he just couldn’t understand why he was blushing so hard? It wasn’t that weird. Noah normally was a pretty touchy person, so there was really no surprise he was a cuddler in his sleep as well.

“Shut up, dude”, Noah said and pushed Daniel playfully. Daniel responded with a chuckle. He made himself more comfortable on the bed, and Noah laid down, so they were facing each other. They were really close, a little closer than Daniel normally would let himself get to Noah, but Daniel laid on the very edge of the bed, and he felt weird asking Noah to back off. Not that he really wanted to either.

“So … What do you want to do today?” Daniel asked. He stared into Noah’s blue eyes, and Noah stared back. They laid like that for a while, just looking at each other. Then Noah blinked, and his brows furrowed a little.

“What?” he asked lost.

“What do you want to do today?” Daniel repeated, and couldn’t help himself for smiling. For once it wasn’t Daniel who didn’t listen or got confused. Noah rose abruptly from the bed, which meant stepping over where Daniel laid, which was a very awkward movement. When Noah got off the bed he strode across the floor and quickly pulled on some pants and a hoodie. Daniel observed him curiously from the bed.

“How about breakfast?” Noah asked, his voice a bit too forced to be pulled off as casual. Daniel narrowed his eyes.

“You okay?” he asked cautiously.

“Yeah, sure!” Noah answered. Daniel noticed he deliberately didn’t meet his eyes. He knew something was up, but he didn’t know what, and he didn’t know how it could’ve change in a split second. One second Noah was staring directly at him, and the next he didn’t even look at him. Daniel was pretty sure it was something, but he also knew that Noah would come to him if he wanted to and that there was no pint in trying to push him into talking about it.

“So, breakfast?” Noah asked.

“Sure”, Daniel shrugged and got out of bed.

Noah still didn’t look at him as they ate breakfast, but as they went to their “secret spot” – which was a small lake that was hidden behind a forest – he started to loosen up and soon he was back to being good ol’ Noah again.