They sent Matt back home two days after.

(He’s legally an adult so he had to sign up that he wouldn’t hurt himself).

Matt’s mom stayed with him and he also needs a therapist and a psychiatrist.

The kids stayed too, running around Matthew’s apartment until their mom told them to settle down.

They’re obedient cheerful and playful little kids. You can’t help but smile when you watch them, the little one looks exactly like Matt, but he has his mom’s green eyes instead.

It’s Thursday, so you’ve got four days until the service.

You forgot about counting the days, because it doesn’t matter.

You’ve got only those four.

The words because you can make a change are stuck in your head like a mantra, you don’t know what they mean, is it something about Liz?

Or maybe about Matt?

And what kind of change? You’re sure you’ve made everything worse with your presence here. Maybe Matt wouldn’t have tried to kill himself if you hadn’t taken him to Uni with you.

You still think that it was all your fault and now you’re supposed to think it’s for the best?

You know it’s not.

And you doubt an angel or guardian angel or whatever would bring you down to earth for a month if it weren’t for good things to happen.

But you haven’t caused anything good.

Your eyes focus on Matt’s room, his door ajar, the light coming from his computer screen.

He’s been nice to you, after everything he’s gone through, he still helped you.

You just hope you can actually help him back.

***

With the rest of the family there, it’s hard for you two talk, but you don’t need to. Not that much anyway.

You’ll have to tell Matt about the service and…

Matt’s being quiet, but he seems calmer. Right now he’s in his room, Theo and Charlie napping on the living room and his mom cooking.

You’re still debating on how to tell Matt when his phone rings and he looks at the screen, an unknown number.

“Hi, Matthew,” you hear Liz on the other side of the line and you couldn’t be more surprised.

Liz.

You stare, not being able to move. To say something to Matt.

“I heard about what happened,” Liz’s voice whispers, “I… know we don’t really talk, but… you know, it’s been hard going to Uni knowing… you know what I mean...” she says instead. “I know you’re probably going through a hard time, so… um.”

Liz never knew how to talk these things through.

You miss her kindness so much.

She clearly hadn’t thought this. It doesn’t look scripted, but maybe Carmen and Mary told her about him in class and she decided to call after she heard about the suicide attempt.

Maybe it’s weird, but it sounds like something Liz would do for a stranger.

Kind of.

“Well, um… there will be a service on Saturday.” She says when she doesn’t get a reply, but she doesn’t look like she wasn’t expecting one either.

If you were the one talking on the phone, you’d start wondering if the other person hung up, but Liz keeps talking, somehow knowing Matt’s listening intently, ‘cause he is.

“I’d like for you to be there,” Liz says. “Although I’ll understand if you can’t make it.”

You look up. you hadn’t brought up the service on Saturday and there’s a small chance Matt can’t go because he did lose a lot of blood. But maybe if another person makes the invitation, he’ll say yes anyway.

Matt opens his mouth to reply and you have no idea what will come off his lips and then Liz hangs up the phone.

Leaving you full of doubts.