“Are you sure you’re alright to walk Kamille? I can always carry you,” Xander asked me, supporting my weight by slinging my uninjured arm over his shoulders. I nodded vigorously.

“If the other heroes see you carrying me away from a fight like a damsel in distress, I’ll never live it down.” I joked, making sure my eyes didn’t stray to the red smears that were Yukio’s remains. Xander ducked his head bashfully, a sheepish smile gracing his face.

“Aw, Kamille. You were doing pretty well on your own, ya know. Although I’m not sure why they sent you out to fight Yukio alone…” said Xander, tone sharp and edged. We continued our slow return to HUL headquarters where the med-bay was located. I quickly rushed to defend the league.

“It’s cause everyone was out trying to contain the prison break, and I was the only hero available.” Xander looked at me sceptically, assessing the truth in my answer. He seemed to find it legitimate enough because he soon looked away in order to wrap his arm tighter around my waist. At this point, he was basically carrying me, but I didn’t mind. Anything was better than a fireman's hold, or God forbid, a bridal carry. I shuddered at the thought. The only time I would allow that is if Xander was carrying me across the threshold on our wedding night. My cheeks heated, and I quickly banished the thought. That particular fantasy could be revisited later when I wasn’t plastered up against Xander.

“Why didn’t Jade go fight Yukio? She was available.” Xander said after a few moments of silence.

“She told me she needed to provide technical and audio-visual support to the other heroes.”

“So she sent you on a suicide mission?” Xander’s voice was scathing, but I had no patience for his overprotective tendencies right now. I was hurt, cold, and more than anything, guilty. I had a permanent lump in my throat that I knew wouldn’t go away until I could cry in peace when Xander wasn’t hovering over me. I just didn’t know when that would be.

“No, she didn’t send me on a suicide mission. She just thought I was capable enough to handle him.” The look Xander shot me proved he thought otherwise.

“Capable? You thought you were capable of handling him? What part of this proves that you were capable?” Xander gestured to my shoulder with his free hand. The lump in my throat rose, and I felt on the verge of tears. Xander basically thought I was useless. It would probably be in my best interest if I shut up and agreed with him. But I refused. I was not useless.

“I had everything under control!” I screamed, trying to pull away from Xander and stand on my own. He refused to release me and just pulled me tighter. We had come to a stop in the middle of the street.

“You had nothing under control. He was going to kill you.” Xander’s calmness only served to irritate me more. It was just like him to act like he’d already won an argument that hadn’t even happened yet.

“I was trying to help him! I’m sorry if I had other things on my mind than crime and punishment!” Xander’s crystal eyes bored into my chocolate brown ones, but I refused to flinch and look away. Some things were not worth fighting over, but my capabilities as a hero were not one.

“You were trying to help that lowlife? He didn’t even deserve you breathing in his direction.” Seeming to think the conversation was over, Xander picked me back up again in our previous side hug and continued on his way. But I wasn’t finished yet.

“Is that why you killed him? Because I breathed near him?” I knew I was treading a thin line, but I was so far past the line that I couldn’t even see it anymore. It was back in that frozen iceland with Yukio’s body.

Xander came to a full stop. His muscles strained, bulging through his spandex. He was probably trying to stem the urge to throw me the rest of the way.

“You know I’ve killed people for less.”

I looked down and swallowed, but I made sure to look back up and into Xander’s eyes. He needed to see me when I said this.

“I know. And I know it made you angry that he hurt me. But you shouldn’t have killed him.”

Xander smiled. It was a cold smile that reminded me of a shark with rows of sharp teeth. I shuddered in fear, but Xander just hugged me closer.

“Dear sweet Kamille. You’re the only one who knows what I’m capable of, yet still calls me out on it. I admire that.” The hand on my torso slid back and forth in a caress that warmed, and chilled, my heart. He continued, “So many people are afraid of me.”

“So am I.” It was a shock to say it so bluntly, but it wasn’t a secret.

Xander smiled again, but this time it was kind, and dare I say, loving. “I know Kamille. But that’s what sets you apart from the rest. You’re so scared, yet brave at the same time. No one has been able to stay with me this long, not even my parents.”

Slowly I moved my injured shoulder around the meet his, giving him a one-armed hug that almost tripped me precariously to the ground. Xander’s hands rushed to grab my waist and stop my descent. I tucked my nose into his collarbone and looked up at him from beneath my lashes.

“That’s because I love you.”

Xander ducked his head and clutched me closer.

“Kamille, party of one. I love you too, ya know.” His words were like daggers to my chest. I knew he loved me, but not the same way I loved him. I would gladly take what I could get, though.

We stood there, immortalized in the moment. The streets were silent and still, the only sound was our breaths. But soon, the throbbing in my shoulder became insistent and I winced in pain. The adrenaline had officially worn off, and I could feel my eyelids drooping. Xander moved his head closer and whispered gently in my ear.

“Sleep.” The words caressed me, and before I could fight to remain awake, I was already asleep.

***

When I awoke it was to the steady beeping of the hospital machine. I groaned. I was sure that Xander bridal-carried me into HUL. I was never going to be able to live this down.

A voice chuckled beside me. I cracked my eyes slowly to see Xander sitting next to my bed. He was wearing casual clothes and I wondered how long I had been asleep.

“How many people saw me?” I didn’t want to know the answer, but I had to prepare myself for the ribbing.

“Oh just… the entire headquarters.” Xander laughed out loud when I mashed my face into the pillow and groaned again in shame. His hand fell on my exposed neck in comfort. I turned to look at him and his radiant smile. I squinted my eyes at him, in a mimicry glare. I wasn’t actually mad at him. He got me to the med-lab and that was all that mattered. Although, it wouldn’t hurt if he would show the slightest bit of contrition.

He did not look apologetic. Instead, he seemed smug. Suddenly the hand on my neck burned. I yanked my head away from him.

“What did you do?” My voice was high and panicky. Xander’s eyes widened and he quickly stood, reaching for me with placating arms.

I flinched away and could feel my shoulder pulse in vengeance. Still, I kept out of reach and held the sheets to my chest as a barrier.

“I didn’t do anything.” When he reached for me again and I still refused, he sighed. “Okay, so I may have done something.”

I raised my eyebrows at him.

“I'll wait all day,” I said. He sat down on the bed next to me.

“Can I at least hold your hand before you freak out?” Suspiciously, I slowly extended my arm out and let him clasp my hand. Before I could react Xander spun me around and yanked me into his chest. He wrapped his arm around my torso and placed a hand on my forehead to keep me pressed there.

I could feel my panic rising. He would only restrain me if he thought I was going to lash out at the news. He used to do this often when we were kids and he had to tell me when they cut down my beloved trees. He didn’t want me to get hurt. I braced myself.

“I told them to revoke your sidekick license.”

I shouted in anger and tried to pull away. My shoulder screamed from the effort, but that was the last thing on my mind. I struggled against Xander’s tight hold, but his muscles didn’t even bunch with the effort to keep me against him.

“Let me go!” I shrieked, thrashing back and forth. My legs flailed and tangled in the bedsheets. He simply held me tighter. All I could see was red. The red of my bleeding shoulder on the white snow. The red of Xander’s cape. The red remains of Yukio’s body. I could feel tears pinprick my eyes, and something wet slid down my face.

But it wasn’t tears.

I opened my eyes and looked around me. The entire room was overgrown in branches and vines. They grew over the window and twined around the bed. The branches formed an umbrella over Xander and me, and sap dripped down from the downturned leaves.

The trees were crying for me. They whispered mournfully and caressed my caught legs. I felt at peace in the cocoon I created and calmed enough to speak.

“Why? Please, just explain to me. Why would you do something like that to me?” My voice was soft, matching the pitch of the swishing branches.

“You could’ve died.” The words were spoken quietly against my shoulder. I shook my head.

“That’s not good enough. We’re heroes, almost dying is in the job description. Try again.”

Suddenly I could feel something I did not notice before. Xander’s hands were trembling minutely and his shoulders were shaking. A metallic smell filled the air and I knew Xander was crying. Soon, my hospital clothes would be stained red with his tears.

“I was so scared Kamille. So scared. When I heard you scream in pain, my heart stopped beating. I would die without you Kamille! You can’t leave me! Ever!” Xander cried, wailing into my back. Blood ran in rivulets down my back.

Weren’t we a pair? One panicked and created a forest in the hospital room while the other cried blood.

I sighed and reached my hand up into Xander’s hair. I stroked the silky blonde strands and felt my heart break. Xander rarely cried. He had confided into me once that crying made him feel like a monster. Like his outside finally matched his inside.

“It’s okay, Xander. I understand.” He stilled and released me. Slowly, he turned me around. I had to stop myself from cringing. His beautiful pale skin was stained red from his tear tracks, and the whites of his eyes were blood-filled and painful to look at. His hands grasped my upper arms.

“Do you really mean that?” His eyes bore into mine and I couldn’t bear to say no. The forest around us began to recede as I lowered my forehead onto his shoulder.

“Yes. I really mean that. But if you ever need back-up, I’m coming with you. License or no.” I could feel Xander nod quickly. I could only imagine the look of relief and happiness on his face.

It’s too bad that I missed what was right in front of me.

Remembering this moment now, I know I should’ve looked and seen his grin.

I should’ve recognized the tears for what they were. A farce. I knew what Xander was like. I knew he was cold and calculating.

But I didn’t look. And soon I would come to regret that, even though nothing could prepare me for what happened later.

I should’ve looked.