I get so emotionally connected to the group I used to share fun times with. It gets me down whenever something that used to put smile on my face changes and I see hints that we are now walking down different paths in life. It gets to me.

And then, you see people around you who have been friends with someone since from their elementary school years and you couldn’t help but wonder, why didn’t that happen to me? Am I doing something wrong?

Of course I am aware that this is such an irrational thought because I have been moving schools and different places throughout my 19 years of life, so it’s reasonable to think that I’m not going to be that close to someone. Because it takes a long period of time and proximity to be close to someone.

But you know what’s mind blowing? I am sure that if I somehow managed to keep a person from my elementary school days, I would still feel like something was missing and that I wish I had explore more of my options and hadn’t stuck to someone for years.

It’s funny how we somehow naturally look at our past, compare ourselves with those around us and feel bad about not having the same experiences as them. We see our friends still texting their preschool classmate, we envy them for having a friendship with someone who watched them through their awkward phases. Inversely, our friends look at us and envy us for being courageous enough to explore human relationships and learn about the different people around us. To not get tied down. Funny this is starting to feel like an opinion about dating.

You know, starting summer break, I promise myself to take active actions in flirting and possibly just showing interest in someone I might want to get to know more. I want put myself out there where other people are, or where other people that, for the most part, carry the same morals as I do are gathered around and find some people I can connect with. It doesn’t actually even have to be a dating relationship but more like a close relationship where I can expose myself to different personalities and see which are the most compatible with me.