Dreams have never been my favorite

Mine have always been confusing

If not confusing, vaguely prophetic

Or terrifying

I dislike the terrifying ones

I suppose there’s another kind of dream

I have it sometimes.

The kind of dream that seems pleasant

Until you wake up

And you realize that it’s impossible

Something is wrong, and it could never happen

But it felt so real

And yet it could never be real

Never, because circumstances are different

It might be more of a memory than a dream

But it’s still impossible

And I don’t want it, in any case

It’s not real

Could never be real

And I don’t want it to be.

If it were real, I would have to forgive

And I have not forgiven.

Maybe that’s not fair

Maybe I shouldn’t call it forgiveness

After all, the fault is shared

But I have not forgotten

Or moved on

No matter how many times I try.

Sometimes it slips my mind

But then I have a dream

And it comes back, screaming at me

Don’t you remember this?

Don't you see how it could be?

But it will never happen.

I will not allow it.

Because although I’m not mad

I may be disappointed

Or simply uncomfortable with the thought

At least in my waking hours